Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Reading Material
Karen Joy Fowler
Jane Austen
Philippa Gregory
That is... if Ara lets me look at "Mommy books" and there is a very real possibility she won't. I chose the book I am finishing tonight by zooming past the shelves and grabbing the first cover with the "New York Times Bestseller" icon. The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler has been a pleasant read so maybe my selection process is "win" after all!
Tomorrow the plan is:
- Bank
- Craft Store
- Library
- Clean house
- Make phone calls
- Party reservation
- Health Insurance to choose a primary care
I also need to dig out camping equipment from the loft to see what Ara and I will need for our trip next month.
The Car and I Need TLC
Oh speaking of that... guess what? We bought a Crockpot! I like gadgets. Even if they are for the kitchen. Last night I went to the grocery store and after several confused minutes staring at raw meat, finally picked out a beef roast. I have an onion, potatoes, and carrots to add to what is supposed to be a meat roast dinner thing. The recipe is actually from the instruction booklet from my Dad's crockpot, mine might have one of those too, I haven't opened the box yet to find out. But... I just want to elevate my feet and think about how nice a massage and a hot tub would be right now.
We have our car back now, my Dad replaced whatever belt was burning and making all the smoke. The AC compressor is door knobs.. as in dead as. Long hot car rides don't agree with me. They make my grumpy and when I am grumpy and hot I just want to be left alone. Picking up A every day from work is going to be interesting, especially if Ara shares my low tolerance for sweating in the car for an hour.
Monday, July 28, 2008
The Bus!
Our car died yesterday in a blaze of glory, literally.
I had my nephew in the car and we were on our way to pick up A and Ara to have lunch when suddenly the AC went hot and smoke started billowing from under the hood and through the vents into the car. I had visions of the car bursting into flames so I was a tad alarmed. I had to wait in the middle of the intersection to turn left, all the while smoking like a campfire. I parked in an empty lot behind a Circle K and took Joey to sit in the shade away from the car. My phone was on it's last little bit of battery but I managed to make 2 phone calls. One to my Mom, who had her phone off. The other to my Dad who was at work. He called my Sister, who was also at work but not too far away. Emily, left work to come get us, I felt bad I had her son out in the Az heat and about the whole explosive car thing! So we were saved but we had to leave the poor purple car behind in mirage-like heat. It looked sad and alone. My Dad was able to look at it last night. The AC compressor locked up and died apparently. So it should run (until the next thing that breaks) but we will no longer have any AC in the car.
Since we had no car this morning, A took a cab to work and I took Ara on her first bus ride! It would have been an easy day to slack off but I wanted to stay on track with the workout. Ara was ecstatic, she has been fascinated by the city bus and she thought it was a great adventure. I was so worried about missing our stop that I got off a stop too early. Which added a pretty long walk to our adventure. As we walked we sang songs and talked about every-single-tiny-thing on the ground. By the time we got to the Y both Ara and I were sweaty and happy to be back inside.
Workout: OMG the treadmill. I hate it. I went 3 miles at a walk/run and I hated it. Hopefully it will be easier tomorrow!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Schedule (I need new shoes)
Week 1:
Monday - Run/Walk 15 minutes, Tuesday - Run/Walk 2 miles, Wednesday - Off, Thursday - Run/Walk 15 minutes, Friday - Off, Saturday - Run/Walk 25 minutes, Sunday - Off
Week 2:
Monday - Run 20 minutes, Tuesday - Run/Walk 2 miles, Wednesday - Off, Thursday - Run/Walk 20 minutes, Friday - Off, Saturday - Run/Walk 35 minutes, Sunday - Off
Week 3:
Monday - Run 25 minutes, Tuesday - Run/Walk 2 miles, Wednesday - Off, Thursday - Run/Walk 25 minutes, Friday - Off, Saturday - Run 30 minutes, Sunday - Off
Week 4:
Monday - Run 25 minutes, Tuesday - Run 2 miles, Wednesday - Off, Thursday - Run 30 minutes, Friday - Off, Saturday - Run 45 minutes, Sunday - Off
Week 5:
Monday - Run 20 minutes, Tuesday - Run 20 minutes, Wednesday - Off, Thursday – Run/Walk 15 minutes, Friday - Off, Saturday – Race Day, Sunday – OffSaturday, July 26, 2008
My Treadmill Fears.
So hard after 2 days off!
I have been thinking about.. (remember I said thinking) tossing around the idea... of participating in a friendly family run/walk partial marathon. That sounded really wimpy. The idea intimidates me, I have never liked running (that's code for "I hate running"). I just like the idea of having a goal to keep me motivated with working out. Last week my goal was to get out of my 3 times a day rut. I failed... I completed my 3rd workout today and it's Saturday. It was a hard week, there have been issues keeping me up at night and it has been emotionally draining. I was exhausted just being alive so I skipped my workouts on Thursday and Friday. I didn't feel good about that at all. Every week I have had a goal and met or exceeded it for 2 months (almost) until this week.
Now I am beating myself up and that's counterproductive, let's stop that!
Soooo I have found two YMCA events one is in October and the other in February.
The one is October has 2 parts; a half marathon (nonono) and a family 5k. Obviously I am considering the 5k lol.
Soooo.. this means I have to stop being an elliptical baby and get onto the treadmill. I am so scared of the treadmill! I think it's going to suck me in! I have many moments on the elliptical when I close my eyes and get a little dizzy. Then I have visions of falling off and maiming myself on the pedals! If I get dizzy on the treadmill it's going to throw me off and I will probably die a horrible death. A smelly gym floor death. And the gym people will hover over me and probably drip sweat on my lifeless body. Gross.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Shmoopie Poopie
After the Y I am going to my Sister's for a "girls night". I'm not entirely sure what it's all about since the invite was via text message. There was something about a lady who will do nails and then we will have a few drinks. Sunday, I will be watching my nephew again while my sister is at work. Actually now that I think about it I might just stay there Saturday night since I will already be there and I will have to come right back at 6:30 am the next morning. I don't know my brain is slower than usual tonight!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Two Sentences woo.
Feeling like I am getting sick today, sore throat and tired.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Explaining old and older posts.
I am just archiving old blogs that were on fluteloop.com because I don't want to lose them. So basically I am using blogger as my personal back up!
Old Blog
My thoughts are now being posted HERE. Trying out a blog engine that is supposed to (somewhere down the road, around the bend, over the hill) make my life easier. We shall see.
3/20/06~ 9:30 PM
These pictures were taken last Thursday. It was my Dad's Birthday so we dressed Ara in her special party outfit. It was too cute for words. So my sister set up a little photoshoot and Ara was delighted. She loved everyone standing around admiring her and she really hammed it up! Anyway these are the pictures from our camera. My sister took just as many with her's so this moment was well documented! Ara is eating bananas this week and she seems to really like them. Time seems to fly when you think about your children's development. It seems like just yesterday she was a tiny infant and now she is getting ready to crawl and trying so hard to talk! I seriously think about her going off to college all of the time. She has outgrown all of her 0-6 month clothes and I keep meaning to give them away but I can't yet! I keep picking out outfits and remembering some wonderful day when she wore them. Her memory box is already full... what is a Mother to do? We have started trying to teach her sign language. It's a tiny bit early but I figure it can't hurt to just show her the signs. I would love a little insight into that bright little brain.
3/15/06~ 9:14 PM "The white color is due to the fact that the main ingredient is sock lint, which combines with dead skin, dirt and bacteria. Black, blue and other sock-colored cheeses are common in people who dress a little nicer. "
~Rich Maloof
Even when your life is a swirling mass of scary you can come across something that sneaks up on you and makes you smile. Whenever that happens I feel comforted.
3/13/06~ 2:24 PM 
Yes, that is the same dress! Made by my Great Grandmother for me when I was a baby. I had no idea what to do with it all these years and then suddenly.. I have a daughter and she is just the right size! Actually my sister dressed Ara and took a bunch of photos of her in it. When I arrived she already had the two pictures up on her screen. I could never really see the similarities in our features until now. I've shown this picture to my whole family and everyone always says, " so they are YOUR ears!" then they laugh lol. So they are. So they are. Oh by the way Ara is on the left. She is eating solid food now and talking and just generally filling our lives with happiness and sunshine!
2/17/06~ 12:26 AM 
Go ahead.. give her your heart.
Ara is 6 months old now and she is bursting with personality. She loves to laugh and talk (babble). One of our guilty pleasures is dancing together to corny pop songs. She seems to really like the song with Ashley S. and Missy E. (no idea at ALL of the spelling) I actually don't know the title but they spell out LOVE a lot. Ahem.. lol. Every morning we try to catch Charlie and Lola on Playhouse Disney. It's the cutest thing ever. On TV that is because Ara holds that title in life of course. Umm.. what else.. (looks at the ceiling lost in though).. The End.
2/10/06~ 12:42 AM I'm feeling a little stressed this week. I have my annual student recital this Saturday and I still have so much to do before I am ready. It is so much work to pull this thing off each year and I always think how much easier it would be if I was the sort of person who was.. organized! The other thing sort of weighing on my mind is having enough milk for Ara while my Mom watches her on Saturday. Getting stressed about that particular issue is very VERY counter productive. (takes a deep breath) I sometimes catch myself thinking about how Ara is almost 6 months now and she will be eating solids very soon and I think for a second, "what a relief". Then I feel sort of sad and achey. All this time I thought I was just "getting through" breastfeeding and now I realize how much I will miss the closeness I feel. Sure it's really hard with working and sometimes it would be nice to come home and relax for a second instead of being "on tap" as we call it. But, there is nothing like the feeling. I know some people find breastfeeding gross and awkward. I admit I was among the population who felt very uncomfortable around breastfeeding Moms.
2/4/06~ 12:30 AM It's been forever since I updated this although I am constantly thinking of topics to write about. I spent every free second I got today (not many) working on a new css for this site. It hasn't gone well. Ara has discovered she has a love for banging on the keyboard so sitting with her on my lap is out now. That's a big blow to my productivity considering I can only sit here now if she is asleep or otherwise occupied. Anyway, it's been sort of a long day I have been feeling sick for 3 days now and not getting enough sleep. Ara must be feeling sicky too because she is grumpy grumpy grumpy. I just pulled the pictures off of the camera from Friday and today and I look just awful. Why is it when I look in the mirror I don't see the huge bags under my eyes or how hideous I am? SOooo, I won't be posting any of those pictures lol. I will put up a few of baby girl playing this morning in her big-space-eating play thing. She is asleep for the moment so (cross your fingers) I will try to get some sleep in too.
One last parting though.. if you don't have kids yet enjoy your sleep! Seriously, cherish it while you can!
12/9/05~ 12:21 AM 
Grandma on the left and Great Grandma on the right. Sometimes I adore her so much it is actually physically exhausting. She is perfection, I can't take my eyes off of her!
I must sleep...
9/2/05~ 2:40 AM 
Going on the 6th hour of crying baby. She is trying to mpk us!
Older Blogs
8/24/05~ 12:33 PM
A screenshot from the Ara-cam! Bard set this up so he can watch her from work whenever she is in her crib!
I know when I say this most parents out there will laugh.. but in all of the time I knew I was pregnant (3 months LOL) I always pictured myself holding this serene baby. I never thought it would be normal to hold a crying baby through the night! I never wondered how I would do things that require two hands, like.. going to the bathroom, dishes, the laundromat! I was NOT prepared for the extreme sleep deprivation. Above all I wasn't prepared to feel so vulnerable and so emotionally raw. I've been crying so often that I've finally been reading through all of the papers the birth center gave me on postpartum depression. Bard has been wonderful, he comes home from work and holds the crying baby and then when she is asleep he rubs my back while I cry. The poor guy never gets a break from the crying women in his life. It's been 12 days, almost 2 weeks and now I have added to my stress list the fact that I only have 2 weeks left before I have to start teaching again. The thought of leaving Ara's side when she is only a month old kills me. The strange part of all this crying stressed out-ness is that I alternate between that and this other feeling of absolute euphoria that I get to hold and love this amazing little person. It is two totally extreme emotions that just run you over like a truck and leave you confused and um.. flat lol. One funny part of it all was that I kept thinking that I would have time to finish her website after she was born.. I thought I would have all this time while I breast fed her. I bet even a man would have realized that I would not have 2 hands free! I can be suck a geek!
8/22/05~ 1:16 PM 
Ara is 10 days old today! We went to the pediatricians yesterday for a follow up. On our last visit her weight had fallen to 6 pounds 12 ounces. The doctor was concerned and suggested I supplement with formula. I felt like she had just told me I had failed my daughter. I wanted so badly to breast feed and even though it had been so painful and frustrating I was feeling like we were finally getting it. As soon as we left with the formula samples in hand I called the birth center and asked for a lactation consultation. We went straight there (I cried the whole way) and spent about 2 hours with Oliva (our nurse). Anyway long story short Ara's weight at our appointment yesterday was 7 pounds 8 ounces and she has never tasted formula! Woot!! She is past her birth weight and the doctor was very pleased. Even telling this story makes me cry.. I feel like this was a motherhood test and I passed. That may sound silly but I need to live for these little successes. When I think about motherhood I feel overwhelmed, unprepared, and unworthy. I am living with the strategy I used during labor, one moment at a time. And every moment with her is heaven.
8/18/05~ 9:45 AM 
Day 5
8/17/05~ 5:12 AM 
Our beautiful baby girl, Ara.
Born August 12, 2005 5:43 PM.
She is in my arms now sleeping like an angel, so I will write more later.
8/9/05~ 2:42 PM Still Waiting!
I had an appointment today and everything is still good. The baby is in position and healthy it's just a matter of WHEN now. There was an enormous monsoon storm today when I was on my way to the birth center appointment. It was crazy! I waited 10 minutes to get up to an intersection only to see that there were two stalled cars in water past their headlights. I turned around lol, I do not need to be trying to waddle out of deep flowing water, although.. I might float I'm so huge! I do love the desert for these storms but they are much nicer when you are sitting in your house watching through a window. Still the smell of wet desert can't be beat!
Thoughts on The Half-Blood Prince
Since I stopped teaching for the baby I've been re-reading the newest Harry Potter book. It's interesting to read after you have formed opinions/suspicions. I still tend to believe Dumbledore couldn't have been mistaken in Snape. He is a big bully but I think there is much more to his story than we know. If I'm right it must have been very hard for his character to kill Dumbledore and even harder to endure Harry calling him a coward. I plan to re-read the other books to see if I missed any references to Dumbledore's brother besides Moody in The Order. Also, I'm curious about Mrs. Weasly's background. The only characters I can think of with B last names are Sirius (he had a death eater brother I think) and the Bones family (which have been mentioned enough to indicate some importance).
My pregnancy script is now saying, "I am 40 weeks pregnant. There are -1 days until my due date on 08/08/05." how depressing.
Please come baby!
8/7/05~ 10:32 AM My Due Date is Tomorrow!
The waiting is wearing me down. I had a false labor episode on Friday and my spirits are taking a beating. I just don't understand what the waiting is for.. I mean she is all ready to come out.. right? Tomorrow is the 40th week I was so hoping to already be holding her. When I woke up this morning I took my sleeping boyfriends arm and gave myself a hug while I cried. The crib looks adorable with its Pooh sheets and bumper, it just looks empty. I know it will happen, I do, I really do. It's just hard to reason with a woman THIS pregnant! Someday soon I will finally feel what it's like to be normal again. By soon I know I mean a month and a half but hey it's something to hang on to! Anyway send happy thoughts to Ara and me!
Oh one more thing.. We went and picked up some of this herb called Black Cohash. My midwife recommended it to help kick start labor. Wouldn't you know it tastes awful and I have to put 10 drops under my tongue every hour! I have affectionately dubbed it 'liquid evil'!
7/31/05~ 2:03 PM I have a UTI. I feel awful. 7 days until the due date!
P.S. I think Dumbledore was pleading with Snape to kill him to save Malfoy. Dumbledore wouldn't go out like a punk!
I miss Dumbledore...
7/26/05~ 3:03 PM 
My new book! This was a present from Bard because I have been a bit frustrated with my css style for the baby's site. I'm very excited to try out some of the ideas! This book will be going with me to the hospital!
~
Last week I came home and Bard was all excited to show me something he had found online; Google Earth. You have to download the program but there is a free version and it is hours of fun! You start out looking at the globe and then you can zoom in on any city in the world. Depending on the atmosphere conditions at the time you can zoom in on actual buildings. We found our house and could even see the car parked outside! Don't worry though, it's not a stalker tool.. the images are streaming but not live! I predict that someday soon.. Google will rule the world. Check out the screen shots I took below of Arizona State University.
7/19/05~ 9:10 PM 
I finished reading the new Harry Potter book today! I hate when I finish a book, I'm always left wanting more and it will be forever until the next one. I have been avoiding talking to people about the book because every where I went someone was trying to spoil the ending for me. It was on the radio station I listen to, my Mom, and even a random girl sweeping the floor at Starbucks! Sheesh can't a girl get some peace? So to all of you out there still reading.. I won't go further into detail to spare you my anguish. I will only say that this one was much more enjoyable that the last and it flew by (unfortunately). I was hoping for a longer distraction from the 110 degree heat and the 50% humidity that is threatening my 9 month pregnant sanity!
7/18/05~ 12:05 PM I always have to stop and think when I have to type out a '12 o'clock time' AM or PM it seems so backwards! I recently had another run in with my wonderful (sarcasm) ISP Cox Communications. This time they actually came to turn off our neighbors cable last Monday and shut ours off instead. When I called to complain that our cable was out they gave me the same old story. "Well, (in a patronizing voice) are you sure you didn't jiggle the wires? Did you power cycle the model? We can send a tech but if its your equipments fault we will bill you extra for sheer fun ok?" They scheduled a tech to come on Fri between 1 and 3 PM. So I cleaned up and moved all of the furniture away from the wires and waited.. and waited.. no cox. Amazing no? The tech actually showed up the next day at 10 AM! Lovely. After about 10 minutes the tech comes to inform us that, oh yeah.. Cox shut off your cable 5 days ago, so sorry and bye. I was a bit miffed, so I called Cox up and waited on hold for no less than 20 minutes and was transferred 3 times. Finally I get a person who says it is impossible for them to refund the days we didn't have cable. I remembered that they had threatened to charge me if the outage was our modems fault and mentioned that I was considering charging them a service fee since it was in fact their fault, hehe no just kidding. I asked to speak to a supervisor and I got Jesus the jerk. He did manage to refund the 5 days we had no service but he also managed to really stress me out. He constantly interrupted me and made me wish I could reach through the phone and bang his head on the desk. The next call I made was to Comcast Cable but unfortunately they don't offer service in my area so I'm completely stuck with the incompetent, rude, and inconsistent Cox. Other types of businesses that have lately pissed me off include but are not limited to; Wireless, car insurance, and lest we forget internet service providers! The upside to all of this? I have Oreo's and they never let me down! I have a prenatal appointment today in a bit so I'm off.~
7/12/05~ 2:01 PM The baby shower was last weekend and it was great. We have wonderful friends and family! There was great food, fun games, and a mountain of baby stuff. We have so many adorable pink outfits, I can't wait to put them on her. Our house is starting to look ready for a baby, although that isn't helping me sleep! Seeing the empty crib, the stroller in the corner, and the stack of soft pink blankets makes me long to see her. I have been feeling her hiccup a lot lately and it seems like my tummy grows daily. Next Monday is the 37th week signifying full term, so she can come anytime now. Although most likely I will have to wait it out until the 40th week like most first time mothers. So.. according to my script 26 days left. I used to have other news besides baby stuff didn't I? Hmm wierd.
7/10/05~ 11:08 AM Don't you hate it when you are getting ready to leave the house but you reach the door and cannot remember for the life of you if you put on deodorant? Baby shower today woohoo! (My Mom and sister have strep throat and aren't coming /sigh)
7/7/05~ 9:30 AM Oh! I thought you were just getting fat.
So I was telling one of my students that I wouldn't be able to teach her in August because I was having a baby and I realize she is looking at me strange. She smiles then says she didn't know I was pregnant she just thought I was getting fat! Kids crack me up lol. Bard and I went out to dinner last night and spent the whole time trying to agree on a name. It's a lot of pressure to give someone a name, we want something that's pretty and suits her but that's not to common. Also, since we aren't married yet we are discussing a hyphenated last name. Poor little thing will have a LONG last name! This Sunday is our baby shower and I'm actually really excited. Bard's sisters are throwing it for us and when they asked me for a list of my friends to invite I felt really lame. I could only think of two girl friends I have that might be remotely interested in baby stuff. Everyone I teach with at the music store is male and most of my friends from school are male.. and Megan is in Canada so I'm down to one friend and my Mom and sister. The sisters seemed a little disappointed and I felt like a social leper! Despite that, I'm so excited to get baby presents. That's sounds bad doesn't it? I'm having trouble sleeping again because it feels like I'm in the home stretch and I can't stop my mind from racing when I lay down. I stress and I day dream about how wonderful/terrifying it will be when she is here. I am supposed to be working on my birth plan for an appointment with my midwife soon. I keep looking at the sheet and drawing a blank though. How should I know what I expect my birth experience to be like? Hello, I've never had one before! I thought of just drawing two sad faces then a happy face and adding the text; pain, more pain, then happy. I am also supposed to be interviewing pediatricians which is a blah task. I do want one I like and who will support me and (of course) be perfect when it comes to my baby's health but it seems impossible to know all of that from interviews without the baby. I talked to bard a little about that and I could tell he thinks I am being a little over the top. I told him I could tell he thought that and then I cried, because that's what pregnant ladies do! I can tear up at a diaper commercial! I can cry if I can't find the ice cream flavor I'm craving. I can cry if my cat looks at me cute. They really should make some sort of warning pregnant woman can wear! Anyway, I need to go online and read safety reviews for play yards, call pediatricians, and make a giant fruit smoothy!
7/4/05~ 11:45 AM
7/1/05~ 4:30 PM Shark! 
37 days and counting!
I had a labor dream last night, first one in a while. Luckily though the dreams never go into the actual labor they are usually just about my fear that I won't get to the hospital in time. So really they are 'Going into labor' dreams. It's finally July and the due date seems closer and farther than ever. It's funny how far away July seemed in May! Today though, I've been feeling grumpy about how fat I feel. I know, I know everyone says 'you're pregnant not fat' but I feel so out of control about it. I worry so much how hard it will be to go back to my strict diet when the baby is here. Bard keeps telling me that I've done it before so I will be able to do it again. But.. it still sucks. Sucks!
» Cute little tidbit about my nephew (3 yrs). Joey recently got a hamster and named it SHARK! He says Shark likes to eat ice cream cones and so I asked if he also likes lettuce, Joey looks at me and says very matter of factly, "Hamsters' don't eat lettuce!"
6/30/05~ 8:15 AM
Leg cramp? No, that sounds like a little pain in your leg. The 'leg cramp' that woke me up today should be re-named to 'super-painful-leg-spasm'! Another perk of pregnancy.
6/24/05~ 2:50 PM 
I started making a baby website a few months ago then I put it on a back burner because I was frustrated. I have been wanting to try a few CSS tricks that I shyed away from previously and I wanted to integrate a few more PHP elements. The problem was that I was rusty. I had been away from design for too long and apparently my head has holes in it that are the perfect size for usual information. Little by little I have been plugging away at it and then today a bunch of things just 'clicked'! So I got a lot accomplished but now I'm feeling tired and hot and I'm ready to walk away. Unfortunately the site is in a horrible state! I tried a layout idea that just didn't work at all in Mozilla so it looks like random blocks of content all bumping into each other. Of course in IE it looks fine.. BAH! Well maybe I will return to it tomorrow, I doubt it though lol I have a 3 hour rehearsal and a concert on Sunday. I was hired to play piccolo for an orchestra that is presenting opera excerpts. I missed the first rehearsal because I didn't know about it and then I had to miss another to attend my childbirth class so I think one of the other flute players is feeling resentful towards me. He is playing 2nd flute and apparently was told that if I couldn't do the concert he would play piccolo. There are a few juicy parts pic-wise but honestly I end up sitting there with nothing to do for most of the time so really now.. can't we all just get along? I am glad to have the opportunity to play but the extra rehearsals have really taken a toll on me, being 8 months pregnant is tiring as it is lol! I feel a complaining session coming on.. I'm so freaking hot! My back hurts. My shoulders hurt. My legs hurt. Last night the baby was kicking constantly for about an hour while I was trying to sleep. Speaking of sleeping.. there isn't a single position I feel comfortable in anymore! My toenails need to be painted and I can't reach them. I want to be pampered. I want a back rub. I need some sleep. Ok I'm done. 44 days to go!
6/23/05~ 8:43 PM There is a monsoon storm raging outside, I love the smell of a desert rain! I was just playing around with an online pregnancy counter and it came up with this stat: I have been pregnant for 234 DAYS! I have 45 days left and I am officially ready to have my body back to, at LEAST a state of semi-normalness! It's been around 107F/41C here for the past week or so and I am suffering. Some non-baby news here.. I had to update (fix) a website I made last year. I am so ashamed to say I didn't check the finished product in any browser other than IE. I usually do, I guess I just got cocky lol. Mozilla type browsers showed some spacing problems that were pretty easy fixes in my external CSS. So that's what I did today on my day off after I tore apart the kitchen and then got to tired to put it back together. We had to eat pizza tonight because I have all of the dishes from the cupboards on the counters lol. I was 'organizing' which always translates to making a giant mess. I just arranged the spoons to spell out ' to be continued' and then took a nap!
6/16/05~ started 5:52 PM finished 11:30 PM 
When I first found out I was pregnant I was overwhelmed. We had never planned to have children and I felt inadequate, unprepared, and terrified. It took about a month for reality to sink in, I would lay on the bed and feel this little life move inside me and as I sorted through all of my emotions I realized how much I loved this baby inside me. It's so strange and wonderful, I never knew I would feel this way. I worry that I am using up more than my share of happiness and that soon I will be caught! I have 52 days left technically before my due date, although anytime after 34 days from now would be considered full term. So at least a month left to enjoy pregnancy. I know how that sounds.. enjoy pregnancy? Seriously, though I know that I will look back on this time in my life very fondly. I think back to the year before I toured Europe, every day I would think x amount of months before Europe. There was this incredible sense of anticipation and excitement. For a whole year everything was special, and I always had something to look forward to. Unfortunately, with this pregnancy I didn't know I was pregnant for a pretty big portion of it, so now I have to make every second count! I know that this could sound bad but I want to really enjoy the time I have left with Bard, it has been just us for so long and I'm sad to see that end. He is so special to me, we have both talked about our fears about losing the closeness between us. We will miss our ' old times' as we call it, but we both know that the new times will be so special and amazing. After our ultrasound last Monday we have been kind of clinging to each other. The emotions were so consuming as we watched our little baby on the screen and as we found out we are having a girl. A little girl, the knowledge somehow made this so much more real. I cried and cried, so much so that the doctor asked with a concerned voice if I had wanted a boy. For some reason I had been so sure it was a boy, all of my dreams and day dreams had been of a boy but that didn't mean I was disappointed! No no no I was so overjoyed, our baby is perfect and healthy and a girl! There are no words for the feelings. I know I've read greeting cards and heard parents say this in the past but nothing before this has prepared me for the overwhelming feelings of love and protectiveness. I am enjoying this time with the baby inside me but I am absolutely dying to meet this her! I am so focused on that lately that all of my terrified labor dreams have stopped. Bard's Dad took us shopping on Tuesday and bought us a new crib (complete with all of the hardware) and we broke down and purchased the expensive car seat we really wanted instead of the cheaper seat that we kept thinking was more sensible. So our house is starting to look more.. baby-full, I especially enjoy the corner in the living room that has become the empty box corner! Bard doesn't like to throw away the boxes for a while incase we have to return something, but these are BIG boxes! I just woke Bard up so I will stop now. ~cheers
6/9/05~ 4:34 PM We went to my aunts house to pick up the family hand-me-down crib a few nights ago. We were pleased to see that it was a sturdy looking frame made of dark stained oak. As we loaded it into a truck my uncle mentions that they can't find any of the screws that go with it. He shrugs and says we can just go to a hardware store and pick some up. Uh- huh. After we get it home and start examining it closely we realize that 'picking up screws' is a bit of an understatement. Bard finds the brand name and a partial model number on the crib and looks it up online, we start to realize that we have some very pretty but seriously useless crib parts! The hardware is of course not simple screws, we couldn't locate the exact model's instructions online since we only have a partial number however cribs similar show very complicated screwy type dealies that we won't be able to purchase. Bard emailed the company about our problem, they haven't responded (of course) and in the mean time we have crib parts proped against the walls in our bedroom. Everyone made fun of me for wanting to set up the crib 2 months early but I couldn't stop worrying that the crib might not be up to safety standards and I think the fact that it has no fasteners qualifies it as non-safe! I think we need to add 'buy a crib' back on to our baby budget. Sigh~
6/6/05~ 10:56 PM 
We have a couple construction zones around here that close one lane on a 2 lane road and a guy at either end controls the flow of traffic with slow/stop signs. Today I approached the beginning of one of these zones just as the sign was turned to stop to let the cars going the opposite direction pass. I slowed down, preparing to stop all the while thinking that this is always my luck. Apparently the person in front of me driving the little white econo-car was thinking the same, except they decided to speed past the worker shaking the STOP sign at them and head straight into oncoming traffic on the single lane. I watched the scene with my new-found super power of slow motion live action. The white car speeding towards the large SUV in a bizarre game of chicken. Now, what could possibly have been going through white car persons mind? Maybe an disoriented elderly driver who mixed up the gas and brake pedal? Perhaps a teen driver who had the whole indestructible youth mentality? Maybe a high powered executive too accustomed to having his own way? Or last but not least, and my favorite option.. Insanity. Either way it made for an exciting few seconds as the SUV driver slowed and drove off of the road to avoid suicidal white car person. The other cars followed suit and white car person sped along their merry way with me sitting at the stop sign like a chump! Maybe this will be the new trend in driving, signs will be mere suggestions. Instead of STOP we can have "STOP telling me what to do!" signs.
6/5/05~ 7:40 PM 
It's funny how much your perception of time can change. This afternoon I took the mayonnaise out of the refrigerator and glanced at the expiration date. September 2005.. I thought to myself, the baby will be a month old by the time this expires. Time seems to be going too fast and too slow all at once. When I look at my pregnancy script and it says 63 days left I freak out for a second thinking, Oh my God only 2 months, then I think, no two months is an eternity to wait to see the baby! I'm restless but I tire out easily so I keep starting big projects then walking away from them. I've entered the "nesting" phase big time. I keep rearranging rooms to make space and pulling out storage boxes to prioritize. A baby seems so small but they come with a house full of furniture. Where will we fit it all? With that in mind I dump another bookshelf or printer or bag of clothes into the dumpster. I better get over this phase soon or we will have nothing left!
5/17/05~ 12:45
Ara was born on August 12, 2005 at 5:43 p.m..
She was 7 pounds, 5 ounces.
Welcome to the world!
I heard my baby's heart beat for the first time on Sunday and I felt a whole new kind of vunerability. So far everything looks good and our little baby is perfectly healthy.
4/21/05~8:38 PM 
Thursdays are a day off for me and today I decided I wanted to rent a movie and vegetate a bit. I've been really wanting to see this movie; Journey into Amazing Caves. Cave documentaries, you know you all love them! Unfortunately not everyone shares my passion for nerdy cave movies so I knew I would have to hunt a bit. I called 7 Hollywood Video stores in town, and although every store answered the phone 2 of the stores put me on hold and never came back. The other 5 checked a computer for me (I think) but none had my cave movie. I was discouraged but not yet out of options. There was always Blockbuster (yuck).
~To understand my attitude towards the mega blue shiny movie renting fee sucking giant you have to hear my personal story of video woe. It was over a year ago, I was innocently renting movies at my local BlockBuster on a Friday night. I happily went home, watched my movies, and returned them in a timely fashion. So you can imagine my surprise when I got a call about my late movies a week later. I protested to the woman on the phone that I had returned my movies on time. She insisted that I had in fact not returned the movies at all. She listed off the movie titles and after a second of silence I said calmly, "those are not the movies I rented you crazy power hungry Blockbuster zombie!" After some struggle I persuaded her to review her logs of my rental activity and she discovered that I had for some reason jumped back into line that infamous Friday after renting my first 2 movies and rented 3 more movies, on someone else's Visa! Gasp! When I explained again that I did not return 3 seconds later to rent more movies she was at a loss. Not because she believed me, but because she was annoyed I was still fighting when clearly it all made perfect sense. I asked to speak to the manager and after an eternity on hold I was treated to the pleasure of repeating my entire problem to her at least 2 more times. The all powerful manager told me in a doubtful voice that she would have to review the security tapes and get back to me. That seemed promising, I thought so we left it at that. A week later I was informed by mail that the replacement fees for the 3 movies had been removed from my account, however I would still have to pay the late fees on the same 3 movies. That's right, late fees on movies Blockbuster rented to someone else on my account. More frustrating conversations ensued and eventually after late fees on the late fees piled up I was beaten into submission and I paid $40.00 in fees to the the psycho fee hunters in blue and kacky.
But.. I really wanted my cave movie.. so I called up Blockbuster. After 4 rings a woman picked up and said, "weldome mur mur blotbuster, my name is mur mady mur, how cam I helm you, please holm." She never returned. I waited a long time too, I put the phone on loudspeaker and attempted to beat her at her own game. After 15 minutes I gave up. Once again I fought the BB and the BB won. There is a happy ending though. A small non corporate video store in town came through shining brightly. They had my movie so I signed up and was escorted to an entire isle of documentaries and even offered free popcorn (OMG popcorn.. evil wonderful smelling popcorn). I got my Amazing Caves and another movie about a few great conductors including Arturo Toscanini and Leonard Bernstein. I returned home to watch exciting cave explorations and I was happy.
2/1/05~1:32 PM Happy February!
February is a jolly month, I'm looking forward to it. I posted a new work on Deviant Art. It's no big work of art just a little project that helped me to think some things through. It has been a long road for me, but I feel more 'right' than I have in a long time. You may not understand what I mean by that, and if you don't then don't try! Hehe.
~cheers
1/29/05~ 5:53 PM Bag of Oranges.
I walked faster than I knew I could towards the nearest grocery store intending to buy and eat the most carb-filled/sugary product I found. I was shaking as I walked, I felt angry and smugly happy that I was going to break free. Oh yes, this would show them all! As the store came into view however, I started to calm down a little. With every step my anger seemed to abandon me and all I was left with was the knowledge that I was going to ruin all I had struggled to gain (or lose lol). The conflict raged on inside me as I reached the shopping center. I wasn’t ready; I needed more time to think. I entered the store next to the grocery store. It was a large pet store. I walked the rows of fish tanks and then wandered through the room with reptiles and rodents. I had come in to think, to decide, but instead my mind was blank and still. I left the store without thinking and entered the grocery store. I walked up and down every isle trying to pick the food that was worth what I was giving up. It had to be damn good. I had come so far, months of denying myself. Months of eating only berries and meat and vegetables. I reached the last isle, the fruits and vegetable section. I picked out some oranges and felt both disappointed and relieved. I had taken control, I had given myself the opportunity to cheat and here I was with a bag of oranges.
This was me about 9 months ago, since then I have lost my goal weight and then some. Looking back though this moment was crucial for me. This was the moment I realized that this was my life. That I was the only one who could decide if I was going to let diabetes control me. I won this battle, but I continue to fight.
11/16/04~ 5:53 PM Change is my new ding word =P. The site is slowly changing from red to blue. I am working on a logo for a local tile company, I feel rusty with design in general but it feels good to be back. I gave my orchestra notice that I will not be continuing the season. I will be beginning rehearsals with a wonderful guitar player, I have missed chamber music.. I ache to play in a group where I am challenged and fulfilled.
Listening: Astor Piazzolla
9/21/04~ 3:22 PM I donated 10 inches of my hair to Locks of Love! This was a huge change for me, and I have to say I was scared! I think having long hair is a sort of security blanket, for me at least, and now.. its gone. I actually really like the new look. I will post a few pictures soon.
Update:
My cat chewed my cell phone charger AGAIN! I haven't had my phone on for about 4 days and there are some mad parents trying to set up lessons. I think maybe, just maybe I should take care of that! If you have been trying to call.. SORRY! E-mail me. I at least get those right now, but give it a good subject that I won't think is spam please :P
I had dinner with Megan (M & M day Megan) and her husband Pat on Friday. It was a low carb feast! Thanks Megan and Pat for all of your support and love!
I can't believe it's almost time for another M & M day! Woot! I will explain that in another post lol!
9/9/04~ 3:37 AM Gravity sucks!
For those of you who know me, you know that I am an admin for a computer help group; PCHC. For two years my boyfriend and I have happily worked our asses off for PCHC. It was something we did together that we really enjoyed. Recently though we have been consumed by our offline life (family, relationship). We have not been able to be there for PCHC the way we could formerly. This has angered a few of the PCHC hosts. They have used public forums to express their views, to criticize, and to ask personal questions. One person even posted a private IM conversation on his website without my consent. I have been accused of not answering questions about why Funbard is unable to resume his duties. I do not speak for him. We are getting through some rough times, and if our friends and colleagues cannot accept this, well what can I do? I have to clarify though that I am not speaking of the majority, just a few. Most of the people I have spoken too showed genuine concern, and I appreciate that.
Will PCHC live on without it's fluteloop and funbard? I hope so with all my heart. Will we return? Well as I said I can only speak for myself, and again my answer is, I hope so. I have had a hard year, and I've changed so much. I honesty don't know myself when I look in the mirror. Before I can even worry about PCHC's needs I need to worry about the needs of the people I love.
So now I have rambled on and on... but I feel better even if no one reads this far. If you had come to me even 6 months ago and told me this is where I would end up I would have laughed at you, then kicked your ass!
><
Do you remember running down a steep hill when you were a kid. You would gain momentum and go faster and faster? Until you reached a point where you knew you no longer had control. The point where you knew the crash was imminent. At that point there was nothing left to do, except pick the least painful looking spot and let gravity take you.
Gravity sucks!
9/5/04~ 5:25 AM Timing is everything! Is it too early for me to have a midlife crisis? Does it depend on how long you will live?
8/31/04~ 2:39 AM FF Fun! 
My Bard!
~~~~
My party in Qufim all auto following me. It doesn't look funny.. but I have never laughed so hard!
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I'm 'cooking'! Funny huh?
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You may notice I have two names, Fluteloop and Loops. I play on two servers and have two characters. Its complicated!
8/24/04~ 4:42 AM 
I hate to be the bearer of bad news..
ANTS are taking over the world!
Update on me:
I started teaching today. I love my students, I had a great time.
I visited Julie's grave today. That was both good and bad.
The knot in my neck is finally gone.
I'm tired. D'uh its 4:47 AM.
I'm craving bad bad food. If I was in charge here, french fries would be banned!
I would rather be sitting by a camp fire staring into the flames and listening to the silence. Feeling the warmth on my toes and the smell of smoke in my hair.
8/23/04~ 3:04 AM 
I can't sleep..
I know you are all saying, "Uh huh sure.. you sleep better in a bed so get out of that computer chair." I did lie down, I swear! My thoughts won't slow down enough for me to actually enter sweet unconsciousness. My family has been trying to call me for 2 days, to tell me that a close friend of our family passed away. I've been dodging their calls because I had already received an email about the funeral and I couldn't face my feelings about that. Somehow talking to someone about it made it real.. the email didn't. Finally my Mom came banging on my door yesterday and there it is. The funeral is today and I have found myself actually counting the hours I have left before I have to go. I know I have to go.. I don't know if I can make myself go. I've been to this funeral home before.. in high school. I went there to see Julie, my best friend lying in a coffin. I would like that place to stay in my memories.. and in the past. Bringing myself to go there again.. even after all these years... is so hard. I don't know who my tears are for. Are they for Wilma? Are they for Julie? Or are they for me? I struggle with my beliefs about death. I struggle with our customs around death. I went to Julie's viewing the night before her funeral.. I vowed to NEVER go to a viewing again. During her funeral I sat in the back and didn't approach the coffin. I wanted to remember her alive. I wanted to remember her beautiful and happy. Wilma's viewing was last night. As much as I want to be there for every one.. I can't... I just.. can't. I am sorry to everyone for my behavior today... I was seeking a place to burry my thoughts and in my frustration I have bitten a few heads off. Please forgive me.
8/21/04~ 2:38 AM Things I find amusing at 2 in the morning...
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
.................
I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
~ DEEP THOUGHTS by Jack Handy
.................
.................
On Wednesday I went to see my 2 year old nephew. He screamed with joy as I walked up to the door, took me by the hand and led me out into the backyard. We played hide and seek for a while then he wanted to show me how he could do a summersault. Wow 'summersault' seems REALLY wrong. That is the word people use right? I didn't just make that up? Um.. moving on. Joey bent over and touched his head to the ground then fell over sideways. He looked at me expectantly and I, of course cheered and clapped. When he continued to look at me with that look of expectation I realized I was supposed to do the same thing. My first thought was, 'Ill get my clothes dirty' my second thought was, 'I guess I'm getting my clothes dirty!' So I touched my head to the grass, something I have not done in a very long time, then fell over sideways. Joey was ecstatic. So getting my clothes dirty and grass in my hair.. totally worth it!
Later though.. at the store I really wanted to tell people this story.. as people stared at me picking grass out of my hair.
As a side note.. I decided to show Joey a cartwheel. Have YOU done a cartwheel lately. It is a completely different experience these days lol! I do however recommend removing your flip floppy shoes BEFORE hand. *fling*
8/17/04~ 11:18 AM A girl and her bike...
Someone stole my crappy Trek two days ago.. my fault really I left it on the patio only locked to itself. It wasn't a perfect bike.. or a pretty bike.. it only had one brake that worked and someone put a cigarette out on the seat once. The hand grips had seen too many summers and were sort of sticky and falling off. Still.. I will miss it. Adieu old friend! May you fall to pieces under the dork who stole you!
8/12/04~ 1:02 PM (normal people hours) I stumbled across this DA page today and I spent many moments discovering he is a genius. Please click and try not to stare!
Check out Mother's Anger.. it makes me wish I was more than I am...
8/11/04~ 5:58 AM Ok.. so I've been going to CNN.com and MSN.com to read about current event-type-dealies, in a very feeble attempt to understand what I've been missing. So I go.. I read the articles (well the ones with pictures) and I think to my self... "HUH" and "What the heck". So my first instinct is of course, to give up! I try to squash that instinct and form a plan. I need some background information. So I could read through the archives.. maybe talk to people who stay current. OR I could just blabber about it on my site and hope that someone will create a site for me that will explain, in 100 words or less all I need to know. Oh and include pictures, diagrams, and animation. That's all I ask, I'm so easy to please!
8/8/04~ I hung out with some old friends last night. My old woodwind quintet actually. We laughed about the old times and stared at the horn players new 2-month-old-cutie-pie-baby. It was fun and stuff yo. LOL I'm super stupid tired. Does that surprise anyone? If I sit here any longer I'll wake up with keyboard face...
8/7/04~ Doh! 
Doesn't this photo make you wonder so many things?
Me too. Me too...
8/5/04~ 
I find this site fascinating..
It's a web cam in NY Times Square. People watching at it's finest. Watch it for a few seconds. Then if you're like me you will start to wonder what all those little black dots on the sidewalk are. What makes black dots on sidewalks? The only thing I can think of... is gum!? Gum!
8/3/04~ Have you ever had a day...
Let me see if I can describe this...
For example holidays. Or your Birthday. A special day that you look forward to. A day, when you want nothing more than for all the people you love to be happy. Then when the day finally arrives you manage to ruin it all. You are moody, you have unrealistic expectations, and you are overly sensitive.
Does this happen to anyone else... or is it just me?
My boyfriend and I never celebrate Birthdays or Anniversaries on the actual day. Strange though it may sound I am much happier when I have no expectations. When a day is great. Great. When a day is ordinary. That's fine too. The problem is though, that every once in a while there is a day that sneaks up on you. A day that comes ear marked with expectations that has the audacity to NOT be a regular holiday. I had a day like this yesterday. You knew that was coming right? I can't help but be a little emotional when there is something weighing on me. By a little emotional, I mean that I basically tear up for something as small as a radio commercial for cat food. I know this last part is pretty specific to women... I'm sure you men have at least witnessed this though (little laugh).
I always think of that expression about wearing your heart on your sleeve... right there for everyone to bump into. I guess I should watch where I'm going and I should probably wear some sort or warning.
WARNING: Contents under pressure. Extremely volatile. Avoid direct contact.
8/2/04~ Say it isn't August already! Say it! It seems I always sit down to write when I'm about 4 hours past when I should have gone to sleep. In fact if you could see me typing you would assume I've never seen a keyboard before. I have to stare at my fingers and I still misspell EVERY word. Sometimes I have to type a word three times. I kid you not. That is how tired I am!
...sits still and waits for thought to come to mind...
Well there you go... I got nothin'
Update:
Ants have invaded my desk where I carelessly set my peach down.
Ants have invaded my flute bag. Where I left a zip lock bag with peanuts.
I do NOT care for ants.
I tried to use my camera. It won't turn on. How did I break something I wasn't using? Huh? How?
...
These random and completely useless thoughts have been brought to you by fluteloop and the letter 'T'.
7/31/04~ Today I feel small. You ever have those experiences that hit you with the realization that you are small?
By small I mean that you feel help-less... insignificant.
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I read this article once on how to write a good blog. It recommended NOT speaking in a passive voice.. I guess I didn't listen.
................................
You know that Christina song Beautiful?
What about Evanescence Hello?
Me too, how weird is that?
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Update on me:
I ate 37 carbs in one sitting.
I've been a roller coaster of emotions.
I am not currently hungry!
I am super tired.
7/30/04~ 
My character in FF.
...............................................
I read this today, I laughed out loud!
"Elephants are the only mammals who cant jump"
"Do you think they are worried about it?"
Well.. Do you?
I know it's lame but it really strikes me as funny. I laughed even now as I typed it in.
...........
Update on me:
I need sleep.
I need food.
I did laundry.
I had a good day.
7/29/04~ Part one I went to visit my family today and I have to share yet another funny nephew story. Someone handed my 2 year old nephew, Joey a fly swatter and told him is was for hitting bugs. He headed straight outside where I was sitting with my brother. He was determined to find a bug to swat so he proceeded to scout around the yard. My brother and I were having a conversation and we really didn't notice anything until Joey starts whacking away at something in the grass. We then realized he was smacking the crap out of some.. crap. The dog had recently visited his spot and no doubt there were a few bugs on the doggie deposit. We voice our disapproval of the crap whacking and Joey stops and looks at us in amazement. "Bugs" he says and points to the crap. At this point I am useless. I can hardly breathe I'm laughing so hard. So my brother, the great uncle he is explains to little Joe that poo has germs. Joey gives him a look of confusion and repeats, "germs"? I'm clutching my stomach and my laugh has become silent gasps for air. My brother tries to explain germs, "there is poo on the fly swatter now Joey". Joey looks at the fly swatter and since there is no visible poo he brings it VERY close to his face. My brother and I scream, "No"! Joey's lip quivers and he looks despairingly at us. My brother tries again, "You can't see them, Joe but there are poo germs on the fly swatter." I clutch my chair and try really hard to breathe. Joey, still not clear on the germ concept brings the swatter back up to his face. At this point my sister comes out, Joey's Mom and puts an end to the madness. I have not laughed that hard in so long. The innocence and the curiosity of a 2 year old is so refreshing. He makes me see the world in a different way and I love him to bits!
7/28/04~ 4:20 AM eek! I have stopped sleeping in one big chuck. I am now a 'napper' lol! Last Saturday my boyfriend's Mom had us over for a Bar-B-Que. She made her fabulous beans and tortillas.. and I died a little inside! I'm actually to the point with food I used to love where the smell is enough to satisfy the cravings... remember I said ALMOST! We also had steak and it was beyond delicious. So I'm not going to complain, anymore that is. I'm starving right now so I'm sorry I'm sticking with the topic of food. We made this salsa. The most flavorful super mouthwatering salsa. We roasted the peppers and tomato's on the grill and added green onions and garlic. I could have eaten just that as a soup. It was THAT good. Oh and speaking of my NOT eating food I love. I need to do laundry. I've needed to do laundry for WEEKS. So last week I'm standing in my bedroom wondering if I am going to have to resort to wearing the bed sheets to work. Then it hits me. I'll look in my winter clothes storage. A sweater wouldn't look that strange in 105 F right? So I open the rubbermaid box and peer inside and there they are. The skinny pants. The pair of pants ever woman has stashed away that are the size she wishes she were. I usually keep these pants hidden because they throw guilt on me every time I see them. However, this encounter was unavoidable. I looked at them. They looked at me. Then I threw caution to the wind and grabbed them. They slid on like a glove. I was in total disbelief. I know people say your wedding day will be the happiest day of your life. Or maybe the day your first child is born. But, I'm here to tell you that THIS was the happiest day of my existence. Not to belittle marriage and childbirth, remember I won't have those things. I can wear my skinny pants and as far as I'm concerned all is right with the world. Now, if these cravings for carb-alicious food would go away I could die happy.
It is now 4:38 AM eek x 2.
7/26/04~ DG has saved the day! Yes that's right, I once again know my password! Lol! This is my last week of my summer teaching schedule then I have two weeks of pretty much nothing. THEN back to the grind! I'm thinking that's going to cut into my game time...
7/14/04~ Addiction is a funny thing...
Just when I think I have kicked one I realize I only traded it for another.
7/6/04~ Spidey Saturday night 7:30 pm. I went to see Spidey.
Let me paint the picture:
>> On my right I have a middle aged couple who are maintaining a dialogue of;
"Hehe he messed with the WRONG guy"
and
"Ut oh, that's not good"
and
"Look at that. Cool."
>> In front of me;
Two adults with 3 small children elaborately dressed, including jewelry (which looks weird and ghetto on a 3 year old).
Poor kids were scared senseless. Taking frantically and yelling out for their Mom. I'm sure they will reflect on the evening as quality time with Mom and Dad.
>> To the left of my boyfriend;
Young-ish teenagers throwing popcorn. Which I understand a LITTLE because with all of the distractions it was hard to get into the movie. I was a little bored myself. I considered throwing popcorn, but then I remembered I can't eat popcorn so I didn't have any to throw.
>> Behind me;
No one. The wall was very considerate.
To top it all off the main speakers cut out half way through. I left to complain and found that the theatre didn't give a tiny rats ass.
After the movie, I was so completely annoyed I found the first manager and unloaded. I got free tickets and as a bonus I got to stare at the manager while he printed them out. His makeup was very expertly applied and matched his skin tone.
The end.
(You would think I would have mentioned something about the actual movie huh?)
The end. Again.
7/3/04~ The following is a transcript of a chat I had with my friend Jason, master of random thoughts:
~fluteloop~ : It was sort of ghetto-an-istic... fight or be fighted upon
?jason? : I hate being fighted upon when I'm not in the mood.
~fluteloop~ : so true
?jason? : But after I watch fight type movies...
~fluteloop~ : you totally want to kick some ppl!
~fluteloop~ : yeah!
~fluteloop~ : Im with you!
?jason? : Like Spiderman 2, I was so ready to climb up some walls and fight crime.
~fluteloop~ : I will have to go see that
?jason? : Not really bad crime with guns and stuff.
~fluteloop~ : I just said that...but I know I wont go...crazy
?jason? : Just like...if someone's peeing, and they try to pee on me, I would totally yell at them.
~fluteloop~ : well... you
~fluteloop~ : are a new yorker youre tough and stuff
~fluteloop~ : I would yell at them too but then later I would cry
?jason? : I would yell stuff like 'Hey! Don't pee on me!' And smart things like that.
~fluteloop~ : good call
?jason? : And...
~fluteloop~ : i would say 'whats wrong with you?'
?jason? : Dude. You just totally took what I was going to say...
~fluteloop~ : I also like refering to ppl as pieces of crap
?jason? : Pieces of crap goes with so many occasions.
~fluteloop~ : and that might pertain to the situation
?jason? : You can call someone a piece of crap.
?jason? : Something can BE a piece of crap.
?jason? : You can FEEL like a piece of crap.
~fluteloop~ : cant breathe
?jason? : Versatility is a major part of any important slanderous phrase.
7/1/04~ I haven't gone to bed yet even though I was a zombie at 10 PM. I wish insomnia was a skill you could make money with. Lol. I figured what is a couple more minutes in such a haze of exhaustion? I am always amazed at what a crazy place the internet is. I spend so much time here that I actually get to know a few select people pretty thoroughly. Well, as thoroughly as you can know a person without seeing them. I mean, here I am posting my daily flim flam thoughts, and for what purpose? Why do I feel compelled to open myself up in such a public forum? Why does anyone? And why do we enjoy reading blogs of people we don't actually know? I hope you weren't thinking I was posing these questions as a thesis of some sort because I am not even going to venture a conclusion. Except to say that it is somehow satisfying and reaffirming to be a virtual person. You see only what I let you see and vice versa. It's impersonal and yet so very personal at the same time. Anyone reading this blog would know several things about me the majority of people I actually know would gasp about. I have been fluteloop for about two years now and the identity is almost as tangible to me as my own real name. Which you will notice is no where on this site. Someday I may have to merge the two people, but for now I like living like a super hero!
6/30/04~ My friend Megan would get a kick out of this site. Dedicated to the seagulls from Nemo. She laughed so hard during that part of the movie! Personally, I thought the whale talk was funnier but sadly there is no web site to that.
Ok, now I'm going to give a link to another site. A great site. Very funny. Very very funny. However I want everyone under 18 to close their eyes and not click because it has strong language and inappropriate content. Very very very funny though. This is Jason's roommate by the way. In case you know Jason. If not, keep your eyes closed!
Update on me...
I need sleep.
I DID get food.
Strawberries are good.
The end.
6/29/04~ Today is my Mom's Birthday and although I'm not sure she ever looks at my web site I want to tell her; I love you!
I also want to say "hey" to two brothers I met recently. They are super nice and oh-so-fun!
Oh...
One more thing I had a long talk with Rob last night and I want to give him an official virtual *hug*!
7/28/04~ I'm freaking starving. I'm not just saying that. We havn't had food in the house for about 2 weeeks. Last time I ate was yesterday morning. A salad from McD with no salad dressing becacue those mofos' don't make a low carb sugar free dressing :P So to recap; I am hungry! Lol. I know you're wondering why I don't just go buy food. Well I have an answer to that of course. Let me get back to you...
7/27/04~ I am playing in You're a Good Man Charlie Brown this weekend. I had to sight read the show last night... which was fun lol. I am going to try to take a few photos this Thursday because I will be close to the mountains. I'm hoping I can get up to a good point to shoot the sunset. I'm also hoping my camera can handle the lighting! Well I'm off to the matinee show now! Cheers~
6/22/04! It's been a while since I updated this. Almost two weeks ago my boyfriend bought me Final Fantasy IX. He has been playing it off and on for about a month. I was thinking; ok it might be nice to have a small distraction. You know as a break from designing and such. The first night I played I didn't sleep at all! You see it's an online game so you are interacting with real people all over the world, and what is so freaky is how is sucks you in. It's an amazing game, I think it would take a year to explore all of it. You pick a character at the beginning. I chose a White Mage which is a healer with magic. Then you roam around the world fighting monsters for the government you are loyal too. You start out with really low level weapons and armor. So you have to sell items you get off of monsters at the auction house. After you earn some money you can bid on new items. The cities themselves are very elaborate. There are shops of all kinds and people everywhere enjoying the social aspect of the game. When you get serious about earning money and points to earn higher levels you need to find a party. Usually about six people with different jobs. There is always a healer (me) and a Warrior, and then a few others. My job as a healer is to keep the party alive while they fight since I can't perform any dark magic I can only enfeeble. It actually gets pretty stressful at times. Anyway there is a short description of my new favorite past time. I have never really been a gamer, but holy rusted metal batman I am now!
Side note: My ISP is Cox Communications and they have been having major interruptions in their service. So I called to complain and the woman told me she couldn't help me because there hadn't been any reports that the service was out. In fact I have no internet right now and I haven't for about an hour. So here you go Cox...
I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT A SERVICE OUTAGE!
Hmmf.
6/12/04~ Went out to water this morning and I chased out this crazy looking spider! Fortunately I had my camera around my neck so I got a few shots of him. The photos aren't great, there was too much sun, he was on a bad surface, and I was terrified he might jump on me! Someone PLEASE tell me what this spider is. He was the strangest one I have ever seen. It looked like his front two legs had pinchers on them and they are black. He has two stripes down his back. Oh yeah, and he is freaking scary. At first glance I thought he was a scorpion, but he doesn't have a tail. Click the spider to view the larger pics.
6/11/04~ Two new self portraits on DA.
I need to get a model...taking pictures of my cats an me is getting very OLD! On Monday I will try to get my adorable 2 year old nephew to sit still for a while. I will settle for move a little slower though in his case. Maybe I can talk my sister or brother into posing.. I was hoping to get an image up loader script working so that anyone could show off their images here. Unfortunately I don't have a database on this host and PCHC's host wont allow me to change the directory permissions to 777. Any suggestions?
A few boring site news items:
1. The photo of me on this page now rotates. (yes I have gone rotate-crazy).
2. I was thinking how it would be fun to create a section where visitors to my site could post URL's to awesome/funny/amazing/impressive/inspirational sites.
I will leave you with a line from one of my favorite songs...
"I'm so tired of being here. Suppressed by all my childish fears"
6/10/04~ I've been feeling cooped up lately. I needed a little time away from the computer. I took a long walk two days ago and snapped some interesting photos. Interesting but not artful.. I have uploaded a few new items to Deviant Art if your curious to see my latest attempts at photography. I've been surfing around looking at the great photographers out there. While flipping through the National Geographic web site I found plenty to be inspired by. If you ever go there search for Sam Abell, he always amazes me.
I'm in my second week of my summer teaching schedule. One day a week I commute to teach at a school. Now, before I complain I have to remind you; I live in a desert and last week it was 109F. The janitors apparently have a vendetta against the music program, they flat out refuse to turn on the AC in the building. Of course where ever they are, you can believe it's cool. Ah well, if I didn't suffer for 7 hours in the summer heat how would I ever appreciate getting back into my car and blasting the AC? I know. I know. I will cry you a river and you can play me a song on the worlds smallest violin!
6/6/04~ I spent a VERY large portion of today finishing a new theme for the PCHC website. I'm fairly happy with the outcome.
Hopefully my productive attitude will continue long enough tomorrow for me to finish my gallery!
By the way, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was great. I went underdressed though. A large percentage of the audience dressed up as characters. I know you are picturing young kids, however I went to the 9:45 pm show and these were all adults. I regretted not bringing the camera very sincerely. I could have had such an array of freak pictures. Ah well. Live and learn.
6/4/04~ *waves to rednaxling* See I'm not mean, I'm just a very private person.
I'm off soon to get treats for the movie tonight. Which movie?
HARRY POTTER and THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN!
(woo hoo)
6/1/04~ So, you may have noticed that I've been adding a few PHP elements to my site. You may also know that I do NOT know PHP! In order to learn/beat it into my head I have been searching the web for tutorials and articles. First I discovered that Spoono.com was not just about Photoshop. (gasp) It has several different categories including PHP. I did a few tutorials over there and none of them turned out right. I was at a point in the learning process where no one was safe from my frustrated rage! Then I find, buried on the home page: "I know some of the PHP scripting tutorials are not quite right." from a site admin. Well that’s freaking great. I've been WASTING my time. Moving on, I turned to Google. I read sooooo many hopelessly messy scripts and I started to feel the rage again. So I got some ice cream. When I returned I stumbled upon a site. Now, I was tired so I can't be sure but I'm pretty positive angels sang when I open this site. A List Apart. GO there. Bookmark it. Read it. Eat ice cream.
5/31/04~ Well here we go again! I've integrated the tag board back into the site. Let me know if you have any problems with it!
5/30/04~ I added an image rotator on the index page to display the photos of the moment. The image should change every time you load the page. I plan to use a script like that for my gallery. In the past my gallery pages have been cumbersome to update. I'm hoping with a PHP gallery that won't be the case. I've been active on Deviant Art again, I even paid to be a subscriber so be sure to click the 'my da' button above!
5/24/04~SNAKE
I sorted my laundry and put the basket in the hallway ready to go to the laundry tomorrow. Then I sat down at the computer to watch a little TV and work on a design. As I worked I kept hearing noises from the hallway. Thinking it was just the cat playing with his mouse toy I continued working until the sounds became more prominent. I walked into the hallway and saw my cat Chester in the clothes basket digging around. Now, you must understand I can be rational in many situations but as far as creepy crawlers go I'm an annoying girl. I assumed he was hunting some sort of bug. So, I went into bug-attack mode. First step; shoes (so nothing gross touches my feet). Second step; something to whack with (large mag flashlight, doubles as a. ..flashlight lol). Next step; Large can of unscented Raid. Appropriately armed I re-entered the hallway, where my cat was still frantically digging in my clothes. Then I caught a glimpse of what he was hunting. I almost had a heart attack when I saw it was in fact not a bug. It was a small snake. I am not equipped mentally or physically to deal with my greatest fear sitting there on my new white Mossimo shirt. Just then, as I stood frozen with fear, my cat got the snake in his mouth and jumped out of the basket. I ran. For some reason my instinct was to go to the kitchen to find something to trap it with. So, after pacing the kitchen while repeating "it's a snake...snake in my house" over and over again I decided on a lunch cooler and tongs. Although, I did not abandon my whacker (mag flashlight). I took a deep breath and went back to the hallway a.k.a terrifying small space with a snake in it. My cat was busy tormenting the snake which was already looking very injured. I worried it might bite him so I tried to calmly explain this to him. When that failed I tried to pick up the snake with the tongs. Twice, I mustered the courage to pick it up and twice Chester attacked it while I held it. The third time I held Chester back with the whacker and successfully got the snake into the cooler. Too afraid to do anything else I walked the cooler outside and locked the door. So, now I am left with questions; how did a snake get into my laundry, are there more snakes in there and in my closet, was it a baby snake and is there a larger one lurking somewhere? I have decided to think that while I dug in the garden yesterday I threw dirt containing the snake into the cuff of my pants. I then threw the pants into the laundry and there it stayed until meeting it's sad end in my cats teeth. The flaw in this is that I think a snake of that size would have been noticeable in the cuff of my pants. Still, I would rather think this than consider that there is some sort of hole in my closet that allows super scary creepy things into my house. I did manage to take one very poor photo of the snake before it started to squirm and look menacing. Don't look at the photo if you love snakes. He isn't dead, but I think his wounds look pretty serious. He looks sort of sad in the picture which makes me feel bad for him. I wish he had stayed in the garden feasting on bugs instead of burrowing into my clothes. On the other hand, I feel a little better knowing my cat can find and kill snakes when the come in the house. Photo of the master hunter.
5/20/04~ The contest entry is coming along. I will post it tomorrow. I am officially in summer mode now. My teaching schedule is much lighter and I have big plans to step up my design work. I've also been playing with the digital camera some. When I feel more confident I will get out (the boyfriend's) Canon SLR. I hate to waste film with my terrible shots. Better to use a memory stick!
June 4th is just around the corner and I'm excited to see the new Harry Potter movie with my friend Megan. It's tradition for us to go together. It's also tradition for us to play phone tag for a few weeks trying to set it up. You must honor traditions. I have to remember to hit the store to stock up on sugar free goodness for the movie!
5/18/04~ I have been cooking up an entry for a contest I want to participate in. I will return to updating the site shortly. I took down the evil php guest book. If you see an error on the site or you want to contact me click the forum button above and post there. Sorry for the inconvenience.
5/15/04~ Every once in a while I have a dream that is so real that I wake up and for a few minutes I can't remember what is reality and what is not. I just woke up from one of those dreams. In my dream I was told I had 14 months to live. The feelings were so vivid when I told my parents. I cried knowing I wouldn't see my nephew grow up. I cried because I didn't know how to spend my last year alive. I looked at everything differently. All of the sudden my life was a race, I had to look at every second and make sure that I was spending it in a meaningful way. I didn't want to have regrets and I didn't want anyone to hurt after I was gone. I woke up crying and I still can't shake it off.
5/14/04~ Today is my boyfriends Birthday, he is cute and wonderful and I love him to pieces! We went to dinner and then we saw Troy, it was better than I expected. Go see it, but bring tissues.
5/13/04~New banner day! I felt the site needed more color and I am feeling more confident about the coding aspect so I can turn more attention to the 'look'. That's right <pause for dramatic effect> the LOOK! Now about that punk of a php guest book...
5/11/04~ I'm going to write this entry while reclining with my wireless KB teetering on one leg. Why? Just because. It creates a real sense of drama...will the KB fall, will I spew more typos ...exciting huh? I got new tires today, and I am significantly poorer that I was in my pre-tire stage. All of the money I was saving to get through the summer is now spent. I sure hope the money tree I planted grows fast. I would buy fertilizer if not for the cash shortage. Heck, I'll just throw on some of the BS my landlord shoveled on me. I hate when my posts sound all bitter. On a lighter note I went to visit my 2 year old nephew Joey today. He came to the door screaming with excitement and led me by the hand to his toy box. He carefully picked out two trucks, handed me one and said, "Dee, play?". Later on he was talking to his Mom while I was helping my Mom with something on the computer. He pointed in our direction and asked his Mom' "what's that?". She tried guessing. Chair? No. Desk? No. "That's a Dee". He is far too cute for words.
5/10/04~ One of my tires has gone catty-wonkus. It makes a whoo whoo sound as I drive and the tread has worn really unevenly. I'm a simple girl and I don't want much in life. I would, however like an assistant to handle all of life's undesirable tasks. Tasks like spending Monday in a tire store.
5/9/04~ Mothers' Day has come and gone and we all survived! It's funny this is the first Mothers' Day where I actually stopped to think about how many mothers there are. Well we all have at least one right? I am not a mother nor do I plan to ever be a mother but I have definite respect for those women out there making the world a better place!
5/7/04~ I'm actually still working on this page ...I'm so tired every time I blink it is a challenge to open my eyes back up. I wonder if that's some sort of sign?
5/4/04~ I have been hooked on this completely trashy reality show; Class Reunion on the WB. Its all drama and cat fighting...so wrong and yet so entertaining. Plus the people on the show are only a year or so older than me. That's right, I'm relating!
Yummy
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