Reflections

I just watched the series finale of Gilmore Girls. Rory graduates and then leaves her Mom to start her career as a journalist. I cried like a baby the whole time. I've been really trigger happy with the crying lately. I'll cry at cute commercials, I cried during a re-run of CSI Miami, I cry over the news channel (don't even know what it's called) when I am channel surfing. After my show was over I had this light bulb moment; I'm really emotional lately. lol. I've been sort of thinking about how differently I used to process things emotionally when I was younger. I examined the details less I think. I would just be working towards something without thinking "wow I am really working hard towards this goal that I have clearly in my mind". Now, it's like I can't really stick to things and be consistent. I have been really stressed lately and I have some big decisions to make and summer is coming with a whole different schedule. Maybe I am just feeling overwhelmed. Or maybe that is all part of life and I am not keeping up as well as I should. I don't know. It's not like everything is falling apart or I am unhappy. It's just when I have a moment of silence to think I feel troubled or perturbed is a better word maybe. I wake up early in the morning and then I can't go back to sleep. My mind sort of races about nothing in particular. Scenes from movies and shows I wish I could forget float back to me. Just in general not significant thoughts just thoughts I don't really want to think. At night I have to listen to my ipod to fall asleep. It helps me not to think. I put on a podcast or my trusty audio Harry Potter and then drift off. Well I thought it might help me to identify the problem if I wrote about it.

Ara and I went to Walmart and bought a kiddie pool today and I "tried" to set it up in our patio. We have a pretty small little walled in patio with no lawn so it doesn't quite work. We had fun anyway sitting in the partially falling down pool. We splashed and laughed. Ara loves to lay on her tummy and blow bubbles. I like to live the life of a kid again. Sitting in the early afternoon sun, watching the water sparkle as we throw it in the air. Noticing how rocks change color when you get them wet. It makes me feel... content and happy and simple. It's nice.