Pictures with very few Words!

Ara and her reflection as she gazes at the lion enclosure at the zoo.


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A day at the park! Ara has no fear and can go down even the tallest slides without any help!

Ara Mp3

purplecar.mp3

I have been recording Ara talking while she sits at the table doing art.

I left the door open because it was such a lovely evening and all three of us were in the kitchen. Ara looked out the door where she could see our car sitting there and she said, "the purple car is sad". I think maybe because the car was outside and we were all inside, either way I just thought it was adorable.

What mothers are really worth?

Every weekend A and I have the same problem, he feels like his days off should be more relaxing and I feel like I never get days off.  Yesterday we had a short argument.  I was mad because he is always conveniently missing when diapers need to be changed, nap time is approaching, meals need to be prepared, or Ara needs a bath.  In fact I would say he has given her a bath on his own probably twice in the past year.  That is not to say that he hasn't sometimes helped wash her hair or watched her while I ran to get something.  This is the norm though, I am in charge of all of Ara's basic needs all the time.  I basically run every single aspect of our lives.  I can't say I don't empathize with him when he has had a hard week, like he had last week and he wants some R&R time.  Of course I understand I want some down time too!  I have on several occasions noticed he looked tired and short tempered and offered to take Ara on outings to give him time to himself.  The weekend before last I took her to my Dad's while I taught and then spent the day there.  Alex had more than 8 hours of alone time.  I can't even explain what I would give to have eight whole hours to myself. 

I love that I am raising my daughter.  I love that Ara smiles when I say she is in Mommy school.  I know that everyday I spend with her I am making a difference. 

These are important things to know.  I have in the past struggled with our decision to keep her out of daycare.  I have struggled with my own feelings of self worth.  This is probably something that every person goes through.

Being a first time Mom I still feel like I am in the Novice levels and there are a lot of aspects of stay at home Mom-ing that surprise me.  Not the least of which is a significant number of people I interact with (including my Mother-in-law) give me the impression that they think I do nothing all day.  Perhaps raising children is a mystery to parents who have not done it 24/7.  How could the booming childcare industry get away with charging parents over $100 a day if this were an easy job?  That's right, $110 for 6-8 hours of childcare.  I am on call 24 hours a day.  I am only physically apart from Ara for 4 hours on Saturday while I work.  I don't get sick days, vacation days, or overtime pay.  

I don't mean to sound like this isn't my choice and that I don't feel lucky to have this opportunity.  I also don't care if those people give me condescending looks when they ask what I did all day.  What I want is some effort and appreciation on A's part for the role I play in our family.  During our argument yesterday day he pointed out that we ate dinner out a lot last week and that he felt that was giving me a break.  I pointed out that he left work at 5 pm and asked him when he felt my job ended?  It's nice to eat out and not have to worry about cooking and cleaning but why is that my sole responsibility?  Didn't I put in my 8 hours of work the same as him?  Didn't I already prepare and clean up after 2 meals during the day?  The world needs to get wise.  Mother's work damn hard and we are the toughest most passionate people around.  I should have the final say in all things including but not limited to physical pain (hello drug free birth), emotional pain, love, sleep derivation, frustration, and joy. 

I looked up Stay-at-Home parent on salary.com to see what my current market value is the following is a quote:

"Based on a 90-hour work week, Salary.com has estimated that a fair wage for the typical stay-at-home mom would be well over $90,000 for executing all of her daily tasks. Factor in overtime, and the appropriate salary takes a leap of around $25,000."

I have vented and I feel a bit better.  After our argument I felt frustrated and impotent.  I stay at home and in the eyes of society at large and A that is something small and insignificant.  But, in the eyes of my daughter that is everything.

A Sunday Afternoon~

Library

Story time:  Every Thursday Ara and I head to the library for Toddler Storytime.  The conference room is usually packed full with 2-3 year olds and their grown-ups.  The grown-ups are mostly Mom's but there is always a smattering of Dads and Grandparents.  We all sit on the floor and enjoy a half hour of singing, dancing, and yes even a few stories.  Ara still has a very hard time sitting still.  You can see she is bursting with excitement and anticipation of her favorite songs and sitting still is almost more than she can take.  As adorable as I think this is I worry that I am not teaching her how to behave in certain situations.  When I say that I feel like such a prude.  Why shouldn't a 2 year old be boisterous and bouncy when in a room of her tiny peers?  It seems natural.  I hate that I always have to be the advocate for conforming!  I am like the borg (nerdy trekie reference sorry).  I feel self conscious about it because I look around at a the majority of kids sitting on the grown-ups laps looking quite content.  What is expected of me?  Should I force Ara to sit with me while she squirms and screams?  Is the fact that she squirms and screams a sign that I have already failed to show her how to act?  One of the teachers at the parent class told me that I need to tell Ara that "we" sit still at storytime and if "we " can't then we should go.  I tried that, the problem is that she is half way across the room before I have finished the sentence.  So I tried prepping her ahead of time.  The day before, the morning of, in the car on the way.  It boils down to the one unavoidable truth: it's my fault!  For every undesirable behavior your little angel exhibits you share the blame.  What could I have done to prevent this?  What should I do in the future?  How can I help her to understand?  My problem is that I also struggle with the "why" I have to stop her from being her.  I love that she is creative, spontaneous, enthusiastic, and out going.  I don't want to take that out of her.  I also don't want her to miss out on an important lesson that would help her in the future.  Maybe I missed an important lesson when I was growing up.. I seem to lack the ability to make up my mind!  I want what is best for Ara and overall I feel good about taking her to these things and I feel good about the progress she is making.  She talks about her friends at the library with a huge smile and that makes me feel like a good mom!