Oh is that what those are called?

Ara can do a somersault! I was like elated when I saw her do a couple last night and then A says "Oh is that what those are called? She has been able to do that for a while". On the one hand I never knew anyone who didn't know what a somersault was and it's cute that he didn't. On the other, I think that's huge and I wish he had told me! Anyway, we had this conversation and I ask Ara in an annoyingly happy Mommy voice to come do more and she shakes her pretty head of curls and says "no". So, no one is as excited as me but I thought I would share it anyway! I have been getting to spend lots of mommy-baby time this week since I am teaching only Tuesday and Wednesday for the rest of May. It has been great. We have been tending our flowers outside, swimming in the kiddy pool, tomorrow we are going to go to target and probably story-time at the library. Ara, Kuku (the cat), and I all nap at the same time! It's a special time.

Reflections

I just watched the series finale of Gilmore Girls. Rory graduates and then leaves her Mom to start her career as a journalist. I cried like a baby the whole time. I've been really trigger happy with the crying lately. I'll cry at cute commercials, I cried during a re-run of CSI Miami, I cry over the news channel (don't even know what it's called) when I am channel surfing. After my show was over I had this light bulb moment; I'm really emotional lately. lol. I've been sort of thinking about how differently I used to process things emotionally when I was younger. I examined the details less I think. I would just be working towards something without thinking "wow I am really working hard towards this goal that I have clearly in my mind". Now, it's like I can't really stick to things and be consistent. I have been really stressed lately and I have some big decisions to make and summer is coming with a whole different schedule. Maybe I am just feeling overwhelmed. Or maybe that is all part of life and I am not keeping up as well as I should. I don't know. It's not like everything is falling apart or I am unhappy. It's just when I have a moment of silence to think I feel troubled or perturbed is a better word maybe. I wake up early in the morning and then I can't go back to sleep. My mind sort of races about nothing in particular. Scenes from movies and shows I wish I could forget float back to me. Just in general not significant thoughts just thoughts I don't really want to think. At night I have to listen to my ipod to fall asleep. It helps me not to think. I put on a podcast or my trusty audio Harry Potter and then drift off. Well I thought it might help me to identify the problem if I wrote about it.

Ara and I went to Walmart and bought a kiddie pool today and I "tried" to set it up in our patio. We have a pretty small little walled in patio with no lawn so it doesn't quite work. We had fun anyway sitting in the partially falling down pool. We splashed and laughed. Ara loves to lay on her tummy and blow bubbles. I like to live the life of a kid again. Sitting in the early afternoon sun, watching the water sparkle as we throw it in the air. Noticing how rocks change color when you get them wet. It makes me feel... content and happy and simple. It's nice.

Caution content includes pictures of an adorable nature.

Ara and I spent the morning at the park. I borrowed my sister's camera to try to get a good shot of Ara to turn into a Mother's Day card for her Grandmas'. I got some cute looks but nothing that had the correct part in focus lol so I will have to try again.

All Smiles

Out and about with Mommy and Daddy. We are relishing some much needed R&R after last weeks crazy schedule.

Ara spend Sunday with her Aunt Debbie and her Cousin Brittany. She had a great time playing in their back yard and coloring on a aqua-doodle mat they got for her. A brilliant invention that uses a pen filled with water and a special mat that turns blue when wet. Now she can color on the carpet and I can relax (we have had many unfortunate incidents with crayons and markers). They also had new clothes to give her from her Aunt Angela, including the shirt she has on in this picture. And a travel Aqua-Doodle and a Nemo book that lights up and sings, and... well you get the picture. I attended a "Sister's Day" celebration last night hosted by my cousins at a dessert shop. All the woman in my family (well most anyway) were there. I decided to cheat on my diet to try tiramisu, I've always heard such yummy things about it and well I wanted something decadent. Unfortunately, it turns out I do not like tiramisu, which is strange because there are very few sweet things I don't enjoy. It was a long day and "phew" is all I have to say.

Hooters!

This little guy is one of four baby Great Horned Owls living right outside the window of the church we performed in today. The adult owls apparently adopted this nest back in 1982 and have been raising their family there ever since. The church protects the nest and people actually come from around Arizona to view the birds. The momma owl was perched within eye site of this fuzzy guy ready to strike with her sharp talons and beak if she anything threatened the safety of her nest. In fact one year a woman threatened to sue the church after "their" owl attacked her cat. A Great Horned Owl can prey upon animals larger than itself including skunks, porcupines, an even domestic dogs and cats. This window was the backdrop for my orchestra today and an audience member told me they could see the inquisitive face of this owl peeking at us during the performance. I tool a bunch of pictures to show Ara, she would have been glued to the window if she had been there!

The concert had it's ups and downs today. The Copland is just 13 players and was by far the most difficult in terms of ensemble awareness. I think it was good for us and I have to admit I have a general Copland aversion but after really living with this piece I started to feel the music in it. I've always heard Copland beautifully portrays the "new American Frontier" but that never really meant anything to me, it never connected to any emotions. So I did some research (read the liner notes of a CD) and found some concepts I could identify with. Courage, energy, reflection. I began to understand more... to see that image of the sun rising over the trees with a soft morning fog, the promise and mystery of the unknown, even maybe the slight sadness of leaving behind the familiar. I enjoyed the experience and the challenge. I really miss playing chamber music full time. I miss my old wind quintet. The music store I teach at is closing and I am at a crossroads. Do I continue teaching my diminishing studio or do I look at changing careers? Will I be able to tell Ara she can follow her dreams and make a living?

Play it Again

This is a concert week for my chamber orchestra. Concert weeks practically mean Ara has to move out. We have night rehearsals until 10 pm and Ara's bedtime is 7:30 pm. Tonight, though my nice brother and his girlfriend came over and hung out while we were at rehearsal. We put Ara down early and she slept like an angel the entire time. If only we could do that every time. I made a big batch of beans (mother-in-law's recipe) so we could feed everyone tostadas and they actually came out good! I'm excited, these beans are like my m-i-l's speciality and she has tried to show me how to make them twice now. 'A' even said they were good and he is the pickiest man alive. I talked to an old friend on the phone today, she re-found me through my website and emailed me. We were roommates for a year and then housemates for another maybe 2 years I think. It's so nice to hear her voice and know she is doing well. We hope to meet up one of these days, she is living in phoenix now so it's a bit of a drive. I can't wait for her to meet Ara.

Playing-wise I've been feeling a slight lack of confidence. I have been analyzing my vibrato and reminding myself to play the phrase. We used to have this joke back in school that I was a good player as long as I never "took apart the TV". Here I am taking it apart though and I still can't say that is a good thing. It can be challenging to teach something you take for granted. When I feel that disconnect between the music and my feelings I go through this frustrating cycle. I need to know why I get stuck in these ruts and how I can get out of them. I used to keep a playing diary (shut-up I'm a nerd) where I would write down the measure/piece/concept that I was struggling with. So that is what I am starting here. You don't like it? Me neither, lets hope it passes.

P.S. I am sick and tired of sentences that require commas and apostrophes.