The Flute in the Loop

"Every little thing is gonna be alright"

Bob Marley just came on my iPod and he insisted I listen to his lyrics!

This weekend was tiring and I am not entirely sure why..

I am looking forward to working out tomorrow, I meant to sneak some time in this weekend but there is no childcare on Sun and I was busy all day Saturday. I am excited to see more progress, I added 5 minutes to cardio on Friday and I plan to do the same tomorrow. I am going to add 1 or 2 songs to my iPod to motivate me! Is it sad that excites me so much? I am thinking about how I will go on You Tube and watch music videos to choose what I will buy from iTunes! I have been noticing new muscle definition in my legs and that is exciting. It's not a huge change because I had to flex and make A touch my leg to get him to see a difference lol. Whatever, give me my small milestone!

I will also be making time to play flute this week. I have been letting that slide and I miss playing. Summer is an off season for most orchestra's so I don't have that but I feel sad about not playing more anyway. I didn't realize how much I regret walking away from a career in music until this week when A and I were talking. It's strange how you can let that kind of thing eat at you and never be fully aware of it. For most of my life I saw myself as a flute player. It defined me. Now, I am a mommy. Can I be both? Sure I can, it's a more difficult road, but it will be all that much more rewarding. Especially now that I am so out of playing shape. Just the thought of playing again makes me feel emotional. The last two season I have really felt that I was putting forth minimal effort for my orchestra and that is sad because they featured me so prominently last year. They should fire me! I just haven't been the player I know I can be and that I have been and it makes me feel discouraged. I can have it all back though, all I need to do is practice and start making some inquiries into playing opportunities. I should really plan a recital... scary thoughts, and exciting.

More than one person has remarked to me this week about how I probably can't wait to go back to work when Ara is in school... I found this surprising because that wasn't a thought in my head lately. I have found a rhythm with Ara that makes us both happy so for the first time in a while I have been feeling content. Am I giving off some sort of unhappy vibe or maybe the look of someone who converses more often with a 2 year old than adults. Besides that my "work" before Ara was teaching flute, gigging when I could, and performing with my orchestra. I never really viewed that as work. I always said "I have to teach today" not "I have to work today" because quite frankly I enjoy it too much to call it work.

I hope this makes sense because I am writing it in little bits while doing other things.