Every weekend A and I have the same problem, he feels like his days off should be more relaxing and I feel like I never get days off. Yesterday we had a short argument. I was mad because he is always conveniently missing when diapers need to be changed, nap time is approaching, meals need to be prepared, or Ara needs a bath. In fact I would say he has given her a bath on his own probably twice in the past year. That is not to say that he hasn't sometimes helped wash her hair or watched her while I ran to get something. This is the norm though, I am in charge of all of Ara's basic needs all the time. I basically run every single aspect of our lives. I can't say I don't empathize with him when he has had a hard week, like he had last week and he wants some R&R time. Of course I understand I want some down time too! I have on several occasions noticed he looked tired and short tempered and offered to take Ara on outings to give him time to himself. The weekend before last I took her to my Dad's while I taught and then spent the day there. Alex had more than 8 hours of alone time. I can't even explain what I would give to have eight whole hours to myself.
I love that I am raising my daughter. I love that Ara smiles when I say she is in Mommy school. I know that everyday I spend with her I am making a difference.
These are important things to know. I have in the past struggled with our decision to keep her out of daycare. I have struggled with my own feelings of self worth. This is probably something that every person goes through.
Being a first time Mom I still feel like I am in the Novice levels and there are a lot of aspects of stay at home Mom-ing that surprise me. Not the least of which is a significant number of people I interact with (including my Mother-in-law) give me the impression that they think I do nothing all day. Perhaps raising children is a mystery to parents who have not done it 24/7. How could the booming childcare industry get away with charging parents over $100 a day if this were an easy job? That's right, $110 for 6-8 hours of childcare. I am on call 24 hours a day. I am only physically apart from Ara for 4 hours on Saturday while I work. I don't get sick days, vacation days, or overtime pay.
I don't mean to sound like this isn't my choice and that I don't feel lucky to have this opportunity. I also don't care if those people give me condescending looks when they ask what I did all day. What I want is some effort and appreciation on A's part for the role I play in our family. During our argument yesterday day he pointed out that we ate dinner out a lot last week and that he felt that was giving me a break. I pointed out that he left work at 5 pm and asked him when he felt my job ended? It's nice to eat out and not have to worry about cooking and cleaning but why is that my sole responsibility? Didn't I put in my 8 hours of work the same as him? Didn't I already prepare and clean up after 2 meals during the day? The world needs to get wise. Mother's work damn hard and we are the toughest most passionate people around. I should have the final say in all things including but not limited to physical pain (hello drug free birth), emotional pain, love, sleep derivation, frustration, and joy.
I looked up Stay-at-Home parent on salary.com to see what my current market value is the following is a quote:
"Based on a 90-hour work week, Salary.com has estimated that a fair wage for the typical stay-at-home mom would be well over $90,000 for executing all of her daily tasks. Factor in overtime, and the appropriate salary takes a leap of around $25,000."
I have vented and I feel a bit better. After our argument I felt frustrated and impotent. I stay at home and in the eyes of society at large and A that is something small and insignificant. But, in the eyes of my daughter that is everything.
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