Lights Out

Piccolo Concerto!~

It's OVER!  I feel such a sense of relief that the concerts are over. 

I had fun, I really did and it was a good experience.  I got to give the world premiere of a strange and wonderful piece.  I felt honored by my fellow orchestra members and that was amazing and surprising.  They were all very supportive and through it all I felt more like one of them then I ever have.  I met and worked with the composer who has led a fascinating life.  He was trying to talk A into playing his trumpet concerto next year!  Lol. 

The first performance was tense.  I was so nervous and the crowd was so full and CLOSE to me.  I don't like it when people are so close!  Megan, Pat, and my Dad all came to see me and it really meant so much to me that they were there.  Afterwards I was invited to a reception and so many people came up to me with smiling faces to say that they enjoyed the performance.  I admit I was really insecure about the audience liking it.  And me for that matter.  So unless they were lying (if they were thank goodness they are good liars) they didn't hate it. 

The second performance was last night in an adjacent town.  It was HOT the air was stuffy and I couldn't swallow my mouth was so dry.  Strangely, though I was so much more relaxed and I felt it was a good performance. 

On the way home I had several random Highway thoughts:

Driving one of those Semi(?) trucks seems like it could be kind of cool.  What a life, driving along all alone for days on end.  Every day would be a road trip day!

I wonder why Europe is always more environmentally conscious than we are?  I mean my city used to have a trolly that ran down town but other than that the public transport is a fleet of stinky polluting buses.  Why have we never considered electric buses? 

I have to drive down there again soon for a quintet performance, so I though here is an opportunity for me to car pool and start living more green.  Then I thought about how much I enjoy my alone time, which is almost exclusively in the car.  Or sometimes in the bathroom but that is no guarantee.

Then I thought about how my friend Brandon used to live near there and how he is gone now.  Then I thought about my old quintet and I missed late night goof ball rehearsals before competitions. 

There were a couple University people who played on this concert.  I exchanged numbers with the Flute player.  She was nice and she had a very pretty sound.  I think about her like she lives in another world.  A world I used to live in but now it seems so strange and far away.  I am a Mommy now and I can't relate to people who can devote 7 hours to playing flute anymore.  I felt a twinge of regret and longing when that thought hit me.  I wish that I could be the player that used to practice that much.  I felt so much more confident and brave back then.  That's not to say that my playing hasn't grown since I have been out of school.  I think my teaching has helped me to grow and develop in different ways.  But there is no substitute for regular practice.  Regrets, sure but really I would not change anything about my Mommy status.

 

Ara is a diarrhea factory since yesterday.  There is a Mommy perk you all could have gone without hearing about I bet!

Blog or Pensive?

I am sick.

This week has been stressful.

Renee lent me her piccolo, so I won't have to play on the rented student model I currently have.

Ara has been sick for going on 5 days now, she even threw up again on Tuesday at the park.

Joey had spring break this week so I watched him on Tue and Thurs.  He was really good but this week has just felt so crazy.

The crazy week isn't over until next Monday night.

I have completely fallen off the healthy eating wagon and it's no wonder I have no energy.

Rehearsal tomorrow (A's Mom is coming over to watch Ara)

Pic Lesson on Saturday.

Rehearsal on Saturday.

Performance on Saturday.

Easter.

Performance on Monday.

I need to remember to cancel my Saturday students ack, totally spaced that.  I think I might cancel my lesson too.  I really wanted to run that by Kashy but the rehearsal is later than I thought and it's all too much I think.  At this point it will either go well or it won't I think.  There isn't much point to cramming.  Except on the cadenza which I have been ignoring! 

 

I read this poll in my Parents Magazine asking if people thought it was ok to put videos of their children on You Tube.  67% (ish) said no and the quotes from parents were alarming.  They basically were saying that putting your child's images online was inviting weirdo's to target them.  My first reaction was fear, I immediately thought about taking down all personal information and images I have of Ara on my blog.  Then I started thinking, why is it that we fear the internet so much?  If Ara's picture came out in the Newspaper I think my Mother in Law would be thrilled and proud.  But the very idea that I would put her son or granddaughter's images on the internet terrifies her.  Is it because the internet is worldwide?  Is the fear based on sheer numbers of possible views?  If so why should that be something to fear?  I'm not even saying I don't feel the same on some level, because I really really do.  I am just trying to understand it.   Somehow, someone far away seems more menacing than a neighbor.  If I took Ara to a mall, hundreds of people could see her but that isn't scary is it?  If it was... I think I would be blogging about a different topic, right? lol.  The truth is, and when I say this I sound paranoid but the truth is that the people living close to us shouldn't be considered more or less of a threat than people we  can't see and don't know on the internet.  I like blogging because I can speak my mind and be personal but to the general reader I am basically anonymous.  I don't know, I certainly don't want Ara's beautiful pictures to fall into the hands of a freak but on the other hand I love that this is a place to express myself.  All of myself , including my love for my daughter. 

Transformer Phones!~

So I recently replaced my wireless phone and I chose a phone that has video and photo capabilities (and it plays Mp3's but whatever right?).  I am excited to have a phone that can take pictures but at the same time I keep thinking that we expect too much from our phones.  Why does everything have to be multipurpose?  I have an Mp3 player and a digital camera so I felt that having those functions on my phone were more of a novelty than anything else.  Especially since the phone is only the best at being a phone.  My iPod and camera put it to shame in the categories of photos and happy musical playlists.  Soon we will want our TV's to be refrigerators and wouldn't it be nice if my kitchen sink could cook dinner and wash the dishes!  Yeah!  Anyway, sarcasm aside I have really been seeing the convenience in the camera phone.  Being the geek mother that I am I usually do carry my camera but there have already been several times when something photo worthy was happening and the phone was much closer at hand than the camera.  So I am convinced.  All tiny electronic devices should have many purposes! 

 

P.S. If someone could tell me an easier way to get the pictures from the phone to my computer that would be great, thanks!

Fairy Princess

I put on my solo dress today and asked Ara if she thought I looked pretty. She nodded and said that I looked like a princess! My eyes welled up and I gave her sniffy kisses all over her face!

Then I performed my concerto for her.

Half way through the piece she yelled, "Momma stop playing picc-low NOW... pweeze".

Lol.

My new practice technique is to run out of the room playing whenever a high note passage is coming so that I only ruin my own hearing. I will be going to the UA to practice again tonight and I have earplugs this time so I feel sorry for all of the people who will be within earshot of me. I hope I find a practice room door open again!

My Stress-Out List

• Concerto!!!
• memorization
• accompaniment
• dress
• child care during the MANY rehearsals
• I need a place to practice where I can blast the high notes!
• Car registration (it is still smoking so I doubt it is going to pass)
• Car accident today
• Quintet rehearsal and music right smack in stress week
• Jury Duty

Solo

I had to make a list of all the things stressing me out right now because I feel like if I write them down maybe they will be easier to handle.  I used to carry around this stress about performances when I was in school, I thought I had outgrown it but here it is and here I am.  I think it is due in large part to the fact that this is a piccolo concerto and I have never soloed on pic, let alone on my sad little Artley that has been in need of repair for years.  I have found that I am very reluctant to have any of my instruments repaired.  I know that is strange, and don't tell my students because I regularly lecture them on this very subject.  I guess I am superstitious and/or lazy.  I don't want anyone messing up my instruments.  How is that possible since there is actually tape holding together my foot joint?  Don't look for logic here, there is none.  Now that I have typed that out I see how stupid I am being and I will make an attempt to track down someone who can do the work.  I already know I am going to be half hearted about it lol.  I am secretly hoping someone will save me and lend me their awesome piccolo for the performance and that I will magically be comfortable on it.  Let's leave that topic alone, I stress myself out!

 

I talked to my old professor today and he is going to see me in a week or so when he gets back into town.    I think having his blessing will help my confidence.  Although if he is horrified with my playing, that will not help lol!

I bought a dress last week at Ross!  I recently discovered I love that store lol.  So, I found this dress that I loved and it was $25 which is a fraction of the other dresses I have been looking at and I loved it for a week.  Now, I'm not sure.  I need to find some sort of little shawl thing to wear with it and that seems hard.  Also it isn't floor length it's mid calf which makes me feel less fancy than most of the soloist I can remember.  I don't know.  We will see how I feel next week.

 

Car Accident

Ara and I were rear ended today as we made our way home from a long list of errands.  We were approaching the railroad crossing when the lights suddenly started flashing.  The road approaches the crossing from under an highway overpass so I had no warning visually that a train was even coming.  I had to stop suddenly and BAM the car behind me slams into us and pushes the car ominously close to the tracks.  I try to reverse but I have no room and I am gesturing wildly to the car that hit us to back up as the mechanical arm slowly descends onto the roof of our car.  I don't even have to turn my head to know that  a train is racing towards us, the nose of the car is still too close to the tracks.  At this point I am in reverse and I am prepared to move the car behind me with force if she doesn't wise up!  She inches backwards and Ara and get to watch a train wizzing by close up.  The force of the wind rocks the car, the sound is deafening, I am shaking and asking Ara over and over if she is ok.  She on the other hand is thrilled to be so close to a train. 

I have always held people who get hit by trains in contept.  I would always say, "how can you NOT see a train is coming?"  Now I know and I am truly sorry. 

My back, neck, and abdomen hurt but Ara seems completely unaffected.  I am having trouble letting go of all the "what ifs" though and I am back to cringing every time I watch a car approach in the rear view mirror. 

 

Jury Duty

I can't believe they are sticking me with jury duty AGAIN!  I have never known someone who gets called as often as I do.  I think there is some lazy government clerk out there who keeps choosing me because my last name starts with an A!  He is too lazy to turn to the next page when he "randomly" picks people (notice in my scenario the incompetent is male).  I am going to actually try to get out of it this time, I never have in the past but I have Ara and I cannot be on some jury for a week.  Besides, I have small faith in our 'system' anyway.  Sorry punks that is how I roll.  I freely criticize and do nothing towards correcting.  Bite me.

 

I can't find a comfortable way to sit or lay, my back is crack-y.