Give me a margarita!

I don't know if this is too private to talk about but I am going to write anyway and then decide if I should post. I have been feeling strange for a few weeks and I have been pretty sure I was pregnant. Alex and I have been talking about another baby but this wasn't the timing we were expecting at all. There is so much to consider. So many pros and cons to weigh into the decision. I was already in love with the idea of a new baby though, so today when my period came (4 days late) I was disappointed and relieved at the same time. Poof went all of my day dreams of Ara having a little sibling on her 4th birthday. Of watching another perfect little tiny baby tummy rise and fall as they sleep. Poof went all of the worry about money and timing and labor and sleepless nights. No more wondering if I can do it all again. Everything is back to normal and yet I feel a sense of loss all the same. In a lot of ways this is better. I can go on giving Ara my undivided attention and it's less strain financially and this is a decision we want to make when we are ready. We've already done the whole "surprise you're pregnant" thing so it would be nice to plan ahead and be 100% sure we are ready. The time will come, or it won't but either way I already so much to be thankful for. Alex and Ara are my family and they are all I need. And to think.. I could have had that margarita on Thanksgiving after all!