On Saturday A and I took Ara to her first concert (being a musician, that is embarrassing). When we got there and I saw that they had a carpet area for the kids to sit and I began preparing for the worst. I was having flashbacks to story time at the library and Ara running around while I try to catch her and lots of my butt on display.
Before the concert there were a few older kids (probably siblings) wrestling on the ground. It was pretty benign stuff and probably common enough that the parents were ignoring it. Ara was riveted, she stood there starring. She has never played rough with other kids. To be honest it was probably the first time she was really seeing this sort of behavior. After a few moments she decided to join in... there were three kids piled on top of each other and Ara went up to them.. and pile-drivered them. She brought one of the kids to tears and all three of the boys jumped up so as to avoid further injury from her. Ara seemed pretty pleased with herself and not at all sorry. I rushed up to her and tried to explain that she had hurt the boy and she agreed to apologize but we couldn't find him again.
All in all this rocky start did nothing to assuage my trepidation. I picked a spot on the floor as the musicians came in and to my surprise Ara jumped into my lap. She sat quietly through the introductions and as the music started she put her arms around me. Ara was enthrolled. She listended intently and applauded enthusiastically. The perfect audience.
For about 15 minutes.
Then she asked me politely if she could go out, she had to use the bathroom.
So we did. Maybe next time we can stay for 16 mintues! I was so proud of her behavior and it was a good reminder for me to expect more because she is growing up each day.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
I Hope You Wore a Belt.
Disclaimer: This turned into a wall-o-text about parenting. Well it's really just a stream of consciousness straight from the mind of a tired mama. This is more for me to read than boring the pants off of you so don't worry if you lose interest on the second sentence!
Ara and I are working on 'owning the problem' with her fits and there has been much improvement. I have been working on planning ahead so as to take advantage of her 'good' hours for boring errands and activities that require her to have patience. I am more decisive about consequences and (trying) to stick to the rules I lay down for her. Ideally if I am consistent she will have a better idea of what to expect when she does certain things. This is the part of parenting that is so hard.. no matter what misbehavior your kid is exhibiting.. it's probably YOUR fault. So, there you are... frustrated with the behavior and frustrated with yourself for not preventing it more effectively. I better clean up my act! I'm not actually suggesting that I can stop a 3 year old tantrum cycle.. I know better than that! But I have been able to significantly shorten them and squash them before they become giant blow-out-worse-day-of-my life fits. I have to remind myself that she is my first priority without giving her the impression that everything revolves around her. Oh the balance. I just get so focused on day to day things. Like.. doing the dishes, such an important task, I couldn't possible stop now and then to listen to her tell me about her ponies sisters and their adventures could I? Dishes can wait. Sweeping can wait. Spills can be cleaned. I can have patience and remember that everything else comes second to her. I have such a hard time MAKING her do things. Like.. walk past the swings and go to soccer practice. I was reading a chapter on cooperation and it was talking about the difference between obeying and cooperating. In many instances I have been thinking I was asking her to cooperate but really I was expecting her to obey. I think if I work harder at cooperating and directing her instead of trying to command I will see better results. She wants to be a helper but her instincts will always be to resist when she feels like I am being a dictator. I know it's a fine line.. several of my family members have chimed in about discipline. I am just not great with being a disciplinarian, it's not in my nature. However, I DO agree that I need to follow through with whatever consequence I have set up for her. So I need to put a little more thought into my threats if I want her to believe I am not full of crap. Haha. That's why my eyes are so BROWN! I am pretty notorious for saying, "Ara, if you act like that I will put your pony on restriction (which means I will take it away for the day)." Then I give her like 50,000,000 more tries before I actually do it. My parents spanked us when we were bad. Not much strategy there. Without the physical fall back plan I think parenting requires you to be more on your game. I won't ever hit her because I think it sends the wrong message. I read once that every decision you make as a parent should be in line with the kind of adult you want your child to grow into. What skills will I teach her to deal with the world when she is on her own? Through my words and actions I can either give her the self confidence and knowledge that she can solve any problem with patience and kindness or I can teach her that force is the answer and the strongest arm rules the world. I want her to know her own mind and to believe that her feelings and thoughts are valid and important. I want her to know she has the right to speak up. I want her to believe in the power of words and communication. It's a lot of pressure. When I think of the WEEKs we took to choose her name and now I have to make decisions that will effect her in a much more profound way. I just decided.. parenting is a hard job! Wow.
Ara and I are working on 'owning the problem' with her fits and there has been much improvement. I have been working on planning ahead so as to take advantage of her 'good' hours for boring errands and activities that require her to have patience. I am more decisive about consequences and (trying) to stick to the rules I lay down for her. Ideally if I am consistent she will have a better idea of what to expect when she does certain things. This is the part of parenting that is so hard.. no matter what misbehavior your kid is exhibiting.. it's probably YOUR fault. So, there you are... frustrated with the behavior and frustrated with yourself for not preventing it more effectively. I better clean up my act! I'm not actually suggesting that I can stop a 3 year old tantrum cycle.. I know better than that! But I have been able to significantly shorten them and squash them before they become giant blow-out-worse-day-of-my life fits. I have to remind myself that she is my first priority without giving her the impression that everything revolves around her. Oh the balance. I just get so focused on day to day things. Like.. doing the dishes, such an important task, I couldn't possible stop now and then to listen to her tell me about her ponies sisters and their adventures could I? Dishes can wait. Sweeping can wait. Spills can be cleaned. I can have patience and remember that everything else comes second to her. I have such a hard time MAKING her do things. Like.. walk past the swings and go to soccer practice. I was reading a chapter on cooperation and it was talking about the difference between obeying and cooperating. In many instances I have been thinking I was asking her to cooperate but really I was expecting her to obey. I think if I work harder at cooperating and directing her instead of trying to command I will see better results. She wants to be a helper but her instincts will always be to resist when she feels like I am being a dictator. I know it's a fine line.. several of my family members have chimed in about discipline. I am just not great with being a disciplinarian, it's not in my nature. However, I DO agree that I need to follow through with whatever consequence I have set up for her. So I need to put a little more thought into my threats if I want her to believe I am not full of crap. Haha. That's why my eyes are so BROWN! I am pretty notorious for saying, "Ara, if you act like that I will put your pony on restriction (which means I will take it away for the day)." Then I give her like 50,000,000 more tries before I actually do it. My parents spanked us when we were bad. Not much strategy there. Without the physical fall back plan I think parenting requires you to be more on your game. I won't ever hit her because I think it sends the wrong message. I read once that every decision you make as a parent should be in line with the kind of adult you want your child to grow into. What skills will I teach her to deal with the world when she is on her own? Through my words and actions I can either give her the self confidence and knowledge that she can solve any problem with patience and kindness or I can teach her that force is the answer and the strongest arm rules the world. I want her to know her own mind and to believe that her feelings and thoughts are valid and important. I want her to know she has the right to speak up. I want her to believe in the power of words and communication. It's a lot of pressure. When I think of the WEEKs we took to choose her name and now I have to make decisions that will effect her in a much more profound way. I just decided.. parenting is a hard job! Wow.
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