I Lack Fuel and Electricity !

Power Outage
I never finished my post last night because as I was writing it we lost power. The strange thing was there was no storm but there was a pretty significant area in the city without power for about 3-4 hours. Ara woke up the instant the power went out. She relies on her little night light and fan for white noise and she was scared. "A" was out with an old friend and I have to admit I was a little shaken by the outage.. what a dork am I? I used my phone as a flashlight because I couldn't find anything else. I put the one sad little scented candle I had in the bathroom on the kitchen table and Ara and I settled down in her room watching a movie on the laptop.

It was a long night, Ara was hyper and up way past her bedtime, A was grumpy and obsessed with finding wireless networks with his laptop, and I was tired. I eventually got Ara to sleep by using my iPod as a night light. Then I fell asleep on the couch. It was hot and dark and silent, how could anyone not sleep?

Petrol
The car ran out of gas again today. Luckily it was as we were pulling up to our house and I just parked it and Ara and I spent the majority of the day at home. Before you tell me I am a retard for running out of gas there is something you need to know... the entire dashboard of our car doesn't work! Not even the odometer so it's always a guessing game. "A" and I had just talked about getting gas in the evening when we picked him up. My Mom came later in the day and took Ara and I swimming. Then she let us borrow her car until tomorrow morning so we were saved! Saved! I almost said that I hated my car but I don't want bad car karma. I mean it still gets us around and still has AC so the purple car lives on!

Tomorrow
Workout tomorrow morning (and getting gas in the little jug thing for the car and returning my Mom's car) whew that was a long parenthesis.

We got groceries today, yay!

Unfinished

Workout: 52 minutes cardio, 20 minutes strength. It was a good day even though I forgot my iPod. Today was the first time I brought a book with me and I was actually able to concentrate so it was all good!

I'll write more tonight... maybe :P

Just another monday

Workout: 53 minutes (cue music) ONE minute more than Friday but soooooo much harder. I was ready to quit after 10 minutes so the other 43 minutes were pure willpower. Sucks. I need to stop taking weekends off because Monday always bites. Plus the Y is crowded on Monday and I never get my favorite machines! /whine. Also did strength today and added some weight so I am happy with that.

Yesterday Ara and I went to the hospital with A's Mom to visit the new baby. I am not sure how to spell his name but it sounds like Luciano. He was tiny and cried the whole time but I held him and he smelled just like Ara did when she was born. There is something about that smell that makes me ache a little. Ara is almost 3 and I am so excited about how she is growing up but a little part of me is feels sad about leaving babyhood behind.

I feel sooo tired tonight, I just got Ara in bed and it's only 9pm but I could go to sleep right now. I think this fatigue played a factor in my workout struggle this morning. If I want to have a better workout tomorrow morning I think I should maybe get some rest. Let's hope no giant disgusting beetles attack me tonight. My foot will never feel clean again.

Worst Fear

It's 2:40am and I just found one of these giant hideous bugs in the worst way. I went to the bathroom but didn't bother to turn on the light... when I went over to the sink to wash my hands I stepped on something spiny and pokey and a little crunchy. At first I dismissed it as one of Ara's toys but after a second of thinking that it might be something else I turned on the light to see my worst nightmare scuttling a little dazedly across the floor.

Let me repeat that I stepped on this with my bare feet. So I am totally freaking out for 2 reasons. One, this prehistoric looking freak of a bug touched my feet. Two, I stepped on it and other than being a little dazed it looks to be perfectly fine.

I mean this thing was HUGE, it had to have been like 5 inches long and it had attitude too like it thought it could take me out. I put on shoes, opened the front door, cleared a path, then used the broom to sweep it out. Instead of running from my broom it turned and attacked! I'm glad I didn't know it could fly because then I might have just cried and shook in fear in the corner all night.

My foot feels contaminated and I am too freaked out to sleep now!

Info on the dinosaur bug

The Flute in the Loop

"Every little thing is gonna be alright"

Bob Marley just came on my iPod and he insisted I listen to his lyrics!

This weekend was tiring and I am not entirely sure why..

I am looking forward to working out tomorrow, I meant to sneak some time in this weekend but there is no childcare on Sun and I was busy all day Saturday. I am excited to see more progress, I added 5 minutes to cardio on Friday and I plan to do the same tomorrow. I am going to add 1 or 2 songs to my iPod to motivate me! Is it sad that excites me so much? I am thinking about how I will go on You Tube and watch music videos to choose what I will buy from iTunes! I have been noticing new muscle definition in my legs and that is exciting. It's not a huge change because I had to flex and make A touch my leg to get him to see a difference lol. Whatever, give me my small milestone!

I will also be making time to play flute this week. I have been letting that slide and I miss playing. Summer is an off season for most orchestra's so I don't have that but I feel sad about not playing more anyway. I didn't realize how much I regret walking away from a career in music until this week when A and I were talking. It's strange how you can let that kind of thing eat at you and never be fully aware of it. For most of my life I saw myself as a flute player. It defined me. Now, I am a mommy. Can I be both? Sure I can, it's a more difficult road, but it will be all that much more rewarding. Especially now that I am so out of playing shape. Just the thought of playing again makes me feel emotional. The last two season I have really felt that I was putting forth minimal effort for my orchestra and that is sad because they featured me so prominently last year. They should fire me! I just haven't been the player I know I can be and that I have been and it makes me feel discouraged. I can have it all back though, all I need to do is practice and start making some inquiries into playing opportunities. I should really plan a recital... scary thoughts, and exciting.

More than one person has remarked to me this week about how I probably can't wait to go back to work when Ara is in school... I found this surprising because that wasn't a thought in my head lately. I have found a rhythm with Ara that makes us both happy so for the first time in a while I have been feeling content. Am I giving off some sort of unhappy vibe or maybe the look of someone who converses more often with a 2 year old than adults. Besides that my "work" before Ara was teaching flute, gigging when I could, and performing with my orchestra. I never really viewed that as work. I always said "I have to teach today" not "I have to work today" because quite frankly I enjoy it too much to call it work.

I hope this makes sense because I am writing it in little bits while doing other things.

Deep Elliiptical Thoughts

Workout: 52 minutes cardio on the elliptical and 20 minutes strength.

Goals: An hour of cardio and once I get there I will increase resistance and difficulty. I would like to add another set to the strength circuit. At the moment I do one set of 30 reps on each I want to double that.

Life:
Tonight my little family is going out to dinner and to Target! I love Target lol but it is a money trap. We never make it out of there under $100. Budgets and bills, so much to worry about. I wish I was better with money and with paying bills but my scatterbrain ways apply to everything. Except Mommy memory, I have excellent MM! Ask me when the electric bill is due... I might have a vague recollection but ask me where Ara left her black ballerina slipper and I can tell you it is probably under the left couch cushion because I saw her playing there before her shoes were lost. A and I have planned an "us" night tomorrow, we are still not sure if we can get someone to watch Ara though. We have talked about setting aside some times to focus on our relationship with each other but something always de-rails us. I hope we can make this a priority and really open up. The last time we were able to sneak away we went to see Indiana Jones and had a quick dinner. I miss the days when we would camp and hike and hang out at book stores. I feel like we have put ourselves and our relationship on the back burner too much. Ara is important, the most important but she needs us to be happy as well.

Why do I NEED titles?

Yesterday was an unplanned slacker day because I felt ick, today Ara and I went to visit my Dad, and tomorrow is going to be cardio day from hell. I want to close my eyes and go to my happy place where I forget where I am and what I am doing. I fall away and there is nothing but the rhythm and the music.

A Day Off

Workout: Dancing in the living room with Ara! I took the day off because I wasn't feeling well.

Ara and I went to the craft store and got some goodies for her birthday party, then we went to the library where we colored and checked out new books and a DVD, then we got lunch because I had a coupon (look at me lol) and then finally... home. Where we are lunch and then danced around like ballerinas or something slightly resembling ballerinas anyway.

It was a good day!

short

Workout:
47 minutes elliptical and strength

I've been eating good all day but I am starving right now!

testing

Another Monday

Work out: 50 minutes on the bike on the cardio program which adjusts the difficulty to help you maintain your optimal heart rate. This program is evil btw. It is Monday and I took the weekend off so the first 10 minutes were hard, then I hit the zone and never looked back. I went 17 miles and still didn't touch the calories I burned last Thursday lol. All workouts this week will be aspiring to the Thursday ass kicking of last week. I feel good, there is something about working out in the morning that sets your whole day up. I've heard exercise releases hormones that make you happy but it also gets out all the frustration and tension you have!


My boring Plan:
Cleaning the floors tonight after dinner so that tomorrow after the Y I can shower and still have time to take Ara to the library to return the books we have and pick up a few movies I reserved for her. She loves watching new Charlie and Lola episodes and I'll admit it... I do too! We limit her TV watching to a total of 45 minutes a day. Which includes about 10 minutes in the morning while we get ready and in the evening. Any more than that I notice a huge change in her attention span, tolerance, and behavior. If the TV is not on she will play pretend with her trains or pony's, draw, dress up, and a multitude of other things that are better for her development.

Ara and I have been planning her birthday party. I think I am more excited about it than she is every year. I just want to celebrate her milestones and make her feel so special. She has asked for a PinkyPie cake and balloons and a little red bike with a red helmet. Oh and a new Pony. We have already been stockpiling the presents. I am hoping she will receive more clothes, art supplies, puzzles, games, and/or books than toys. But I know the joy of gift giving and I won't begrudge anyone for giving her some toy that will make her eyes light up. I want to make her cake but everyone makes fun of me for that and our oven doesn't work /sigh

I am going to stop typing and try to steal some time for a nap while Ara sleeps.

Funder and Lightning

 

This is Ara marveling at the sky while a monsoon storm was rolling in.

She is fascinated with the thunder and like I said in my last post she talks non-stop about the "funder"!  She keeps saying that it beeps, so we are not entirely convinced she knows what thunder actually is.

Lady Cakes

Workout Update: Same as usual, I think I need to change up my cardio I am getting bored on the elliptical. I did aerobic and strength today and the Ara and I went swimming.

Ara woke up today talking about thunder and hasn't taken a break to even breath since. The entire car ride to drop off A and to the YMCA. When I picked her up after my workout the childwatch helpers said she had talked to every single kid about thunder. We went to my Mom's to swim and she stopped off at my Mom's truck and told the TRUCK about thunder. Then she continued to tell my Mom about it for the entire 2 hour swim and now we are home and she is drawing pictures of thunder. I think.... she is interested in thunder. She says that thunder is not here now and that she is not scared of if. Then she lists other people who she thinks might be scared of thunder. The cutest part is that she actually says "Fender" instead of "Thunder".

Busy weekend coming up, A is off tomorrow for the holiday. The Y will be closed sadly because I thought that would be a great opportunity to actually make it in time for the step class.

Nap time construction

I struggled through my workout today. I went 47 minutes again but this time my heart rate was soaring in the 170's. I'm not sure why I was up so high the whole time but it killed me. Plus I was still sore from yesterday and I had a awful breakfast (McD Sausage thing). We had McD's for breakfast because we were running late getting A to work and I didn't have time to grab something from home. I usually need to eat something before I work out but that was obviously the wrong choice. We got the the Y later than usual and someone was already on the Elliptical machine I like so I got stuck on the mean one apparently. I really had to keep telling myself to keep going. I would think "hey you've made it 30 minutes, you can do anything for 15 more minutes!". I skipped weights today for two reason, one the trainer told me not to do strength training everyday and, two my body said I was done. I burned 526 calories today in 45 minutes, an all time high for me on the machines. Higher by A LOT from anything I have done before. Why was I so insane today?! 170 is supposed to be the max heart rate for me and I could feel it when I passed that. I was dying! Tomorrow is a swimming day I think, I have punished myself enough for two days.

It's supposed to be nap time right now but of course the landlord is pounding away at the wall again. I am starting to hate him. He is completely renovating our old house and we share a wall. The part that makes me want to kill him is that he is so cheap he is doing all the work himself. So he shows up at noon and pounds away for a few hours then takes off. At this pace he will be done in 3 years and apparently he only works during nap time. There is actually a hole in the wall under the bathroom sink the size of a basketball that I can look through and see the other side. So you can see how the sound is carrying. He may as well be in our living room with his hammer and drill. I hate him. It's the first, rent is due and I hate him. The two are unrelated.

Boring

Workout:
47 minutes Elliptical Average heart rate 150, peak 173
20 minutes resistance circuit

I went over my target heart rate for a good portion of the workout, it felt good but I don't know if that is a good thing or not.

This weekend was good, especially Sunday I was in a really good mood. On Saturday I went to teach, I have had to cancel for two weeks so it was nice to be back teaching and playing. When I got home we all ran to Target to grab some last minute things for my Mom's birthday party and her present. My Brother, Sister, and I went in on an iPod for my Mom. I hope it's something she will use, she was asking about mine at the Y and I don't think I could do it without my Cardio play list. There is something about an upbeat song that really makes you want to move. Especially when I am pushing it at the end I have the incredibly lame 4 minutes song on... it motivates me. Maybe I want to save the world with cardio... lol. When we got home from Target A's Mom was there to take him to do laundry, I have officially been fired from doing his work clothes lol. She tried to lay a huge guilt trip on me about her son works hard he should not have to help wash his own clothes.. or put them away. I resisted pointing out that she works and somehow manages to clean her own clothes even though she doesn't have a personal slave. Normally I would have been offended, but I know she does laundry better than me and personally I think she wants some excuse to come take care of her son/baby. So it works out for everyone. I even think A is glad to have his Mom coming over every week, they go out and have dinner and go to Target and whatever. I try to see my parents every week but he doesn't usually make much of an effort to see his at all. It's good for them to have a standing appointment. So I packed our swimming suits and Ara and I went to my Mom's for swimming and BBQ. We swam for so long! We must have been in the pool for 2 hours and in the Az sun that can drain all the energy out of you. I was still sore from my workout but I tried to sneak in a workout in the pool anyway. Being in water is so wonderful, I love to float on my back and let the water cover my ears. It feels so free. One of the books I read recently described swimming as a salve on your sadness. It washes away your stress and let's you feel weightless and cool. In the water Ara is completely confident. I still have her wearing the life vest but she does pretty well without it by holding on to noodles or tubes. She can go underwater and hold her breath and she can spin and splash! Did I mention I love swimming? Later in the evening Ara had a meltdown, which was to be expected after such a long day but she hit me in the jaw so hard with her head I almost blacked out. I took her to the car to calm her down and she grabbed my glasses and threw them into the street. She was hitting my face and inconsolable so I strapped her in her car seat and said goodbye to everyone. I placed my bag with our swimming stuff in the passenger side front seat and closed the door. As it clicked closed I knew what I had done. My keys we on the seat and the doors were locked. Luckily the clouds had rolled in and she was still wet from the pool. Emily got the door open with a wire hanger before Ara could get overheated and she wasn't even freaked out for most of it. She thought we were playing peek-a-boo with her. By the time the door opened we were both so glad to be together the fit was over and we went back in to eat. I carry 3 sets of spare keys because I have always been afraid of doing just that very thing. All spare keys were in the car! Anyway the rest of the night was fine. Ara and I went home and she got ready for bed. She brushes her own teeth and helps put on her pajamas. Then we laid on her floor and read books, talked, and said her prayers. She went to sleep without a struggle and I relaxed with a movie on the couch. I was asleep when A and his Mom walked in, the had In and Out Burger and looked happy.

Sunday I had to wake up early to watch my nephew at 6:30am. This time I went over to my Sister's because having the two kids here is more work! It was nice, Joey was really happy to have me there paying attention to him. We made the video I posted yesterday. It was great we both laughed until we hurt while making that silly movie. I got a couple loads of mine and Ara;s laundry done and then I left at 3 pm when Em got off of work. When I got home everyone was asleep. A's Mom had come over again to make breakfast and spend some time with Ara. I was exhausted so I joined them and took a nap of my own! We woke up late, 6 pm so we dressed and went out to eat. There was a rainbow in the sky and Ara thought it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

So there is my weekend blow by blow and probably the most uninteresting thing anyone has ever written but it's by stream of conciseness! I really need to look into putting my blog back on my domain (fluteloop.com) I don't think anyone even knows I am blogging over here on blogger.com! Still it's nice to write.

The Joe Show

What Ara Can Teach Me.

45 on the elliptical!  Proud.  I even did another 20 minutes of cardio after the fact.. why?  I think I did it because I could and that feels good.  I had only planned on doing 35 minutes today since it is my first elliptical day but at 35 I felt like I could keep going.. so I did.  It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.  I am starting to really feel a difference, this is my third week of working out and it's nice to see.  I can do more, and go longer.  I don't see any muscles yet though.  Hello, muscles where are you?  Haha, kidding I am not planning on being a flex-a-lot lady I just want to be able to keep up with my firecracker daughter.

 

Speaking of fast moving toddler girls...

Ara has been outright ignoring me lately and she has been constantly doing prohibited things to get a reaction from me.  On Tuesday, I changed her diaper then got up to do the dishes.  I turned around and looked at Ara twice, sitting on the couch reading a book like an angel.  The third time I looked she had gotten up and gone to her room.  I though, "Aww she probably wants another book".  I finished the dishes and then went to her room.  She had shut the door, never a good sign.  I opened it to find that she had squeezed the entire tube of foot cream for her rash.  She had it all over her body, on the floor, closet door, her hair.  I had JUST mopped and the sight of goob all over everything gave me a small heart attack.  I was frustrated.  She was delighted that she had not only gotten to experiment with goop but also had won the power struggle with Mom over who was in control.  I was angry.  I washed her and sent her to time out while I cleaned up.  This is just one example of the daily struggles.  I read all the books and and articles about toddlers and their desire for power and control and yet I was still struggling to be even tempered about this kind of behavior.  I was also angry at myself for leaving that tube down where she could reach it.  How do you beat that?  Being mad at yourself for giving your toddler the opportunity to make you mad?  Anyway, today I tried a new strategy.  I think I have been getting too involved in cleaning and working out and cooking and doing dishes.  I have been ignoring clues from Ara that she needs more play time with Mom and less time being told not to make a mess.  Today I vowed to come down to her level and talk with her instead of at her.  We had a dance party and a pretend slumber party.  I got her step stool and had her help make a fruit smoothy.  She peeled the banana and even pushed the blender buttons.  She helped me clean up and I could see she felt happy to be included and proud of herself.  We still had moments where she tested me but this time I was in control. I wasn't mad I was calm and that means that we both win! 

Workout Update and Poo News

My workout this morning was intense and I felt so strong. I was walking around (on wobbly legs) like I owned the world. Who is tough? I am! I did 35 minutes of cardio, the problem is that there is supposed to be a warm-up and a cool-down but when I get to the end and decrease the difficulty I just go faster and my heart rate stays up at 150. I keep telling myself to slow down, but the momentum and adrenaline tell me otherwise. I am going to switch to the elliptical machines tomorrow to keep things new and fresh, and hard. I am a little nervous about 35-40 minutes because the elliptical's always feel like more work to me, but I am going for cardio training so it's really my heart rate I am interested in. I think it's so interesting how they have used technology to make working out more efficient and easier to track. The Y has a computer system that logs your works outs and sometimes the trainers will leave you notes. I like little gadgety things like that, they keep me motivated and help me to push the limits a little more. The weights I did today felt good, I was able to get through the legs even though they felt numb from the bike lol.

I have to tidy up the house because I have a student today but I would rather take a nap when Ara does! The house isn't in terrible shape, I get so tired of doing the floors everyday though. I like all tile, because it seems cleaner than carpet but it's hard on your knees and feet after you've been on it all day and it's a constant job sweeping and mopping. I did all the dishes today but of course another meal has happened and "rinse repeat" literally! I hand washed the workout clothes I wore today and yesterday because they are my favorite and I want to wear them again this week. So I have to rinse and hang those up, then of course do the bathroom surfaces. The list goes on and on, a thousand tiny jobs that add up to probably 2 hours worth of chores. For the moment though, Ara is playing animals and I am giving my legs a 10 minute break.

The potty training is progressing slowly but surely. She seems content to use diapers as long as they are on her butt so it seems it will have to be all of nothing. No diaper, means some accidents but she doesn't like that so she is far more motivated to sit on the potty chair. We bought her some cute little underwear and so the struggle has begun! Pee pee wars! The good news is we have all TILE. Ahh the good and bad. No scrubbing poo out of carpets for me. A clorox wipe and a quick mop and ta da, good as new. I am a poo cleaning super hero. Don't get any ideas, Ara poop only.

YMCA Fitness Person

I met with a fitness expert today at the Y.  I really enjoyed the hour spent with her, we went through my current workout and talked about how to make it more effective and added some things.  I know it's her job, but I felt encouraged and good about the progress I've made so far.  This is my third week and I am proud of myself for sticking to it.  The AC wasn't working at the Y today, though so the second I was done with the trainer, I whisked Ara out of there and went straight to my Mom's to swim!  I hope it's fixed by tomorrow morning, that was super miserable lol.  I will work out either way, that is how hard-core I am.  That's right, feel impressed!  I am trying to increase my cardio, I have been doing a 25 minute workout so tomorrow I will be going for 35 minutes!  It doesn't seem like much but 10 minutes can seem like an eternity sometimes.  I do a half hour strengthening routine as well but I am focusing on increasing the cardio, my goal is 45 minutes at my target heart rate.  The funny part is that they limit you to 30 minutes on the machines... I doubt anyone will be timing me.

Our car is back home with us now, my Dad spent his entire weekend on it in this 109 degree heat.  Stupid car.  I am so ready to look at a car with a warranty.  My wish list includes: working gas gauge, non-overheating, good gas mileage, and... a button ignition!   I'm kidding about that last part but I will be honest that is the feature on the Prius's that excites me the most. 

I've been taking Ara swimming pretty frequently and I am more and more convinced that she is part fish.  Last Friday we didn't have her life vest because it was in the broken purple car.  I took her in anyway and she is so buoyant she practically floats.   She did just fine without the floaty and I was proud and deeply impressed.  I made her 2 little bracelets a few days ago during one of our many craft hours and she has been wearing them everyday.  She loves them, and she looks so cute!

Showered with Baby (presents)

We went to a baby shower for A's niece today and it was an interesting trip down memory lane for me.  This Niece was the one who hosted our baby shower 3 years ago, in the same house, with the same games, and the same people.  So you can see how I drew some parallels!  The mother is young, A says 22 but she seems so much younger to me, he has known her longer so I will defer to him!  We brought Ara with us and it took us a lot of convincing to get her to stop declaring the shower "her" party.  I am still not sure she believed us!  The new baby will have every type of baby apparatus it could ever want or need.  Both parents have families that made sure of that.  Down to the top of the line night vision baby monitor and about a thousand pairs of tiny Nike's.  Someone estimated that the gifts from this shower (their 2nd shower) totaled well over $1000.  And that does not include the crib or the $200 bassinet they received.  So there you go, the going rate for having a baby in style is somewhere in the $2000 range for "stuff" alone.  Not to mention all the other crap the will need but did not know enough to register for.  Like bottles, breast pump (I bet all guys cringe when I say that), diapers, wipes, sleep... oh wait they can't have that no matter where they register! 

The strange thing is, that even being a woman with a kid, I still find showers kind of boring!  I'm sorry!  It's just the truth.  I will admit that I sometimes daydream about Ara having a sibling but when it comes to being excited for other people to have babies I  just don't feel it.  Keep in mind that I had Ara the natural way.  No drugs to ease the pain, just lots of yelling and delirious dreams of killing my midwives (lol j/k I loved them) but even so I think back on infancy as the most painful part of Ara's birth!  I shudder at the sleep deprivation, I never got more than a 2 hour stretch.  The colic.  If you've experienced it then, "nuff said".  The worries over ever squeaky baby sound made in the night.  Oh no, I still remember the pain, it is too early for me to have clouded out the bad.  I see other woman looking all misty eyed over the idea of a baby and I realize that I am either not normal or I have far to detailed a memory.