Breaking Dawn kept me awake! (and Pre-K)

Tidbits:

• I am currently reading Persuasion by Jane Austen.
• I borrowed the movie to watch when I’m done.
• I am researching Pre-K for Ara and plan on visiting a few schools this week.
• I was sullen and moody at church and I can’t really blame any one else for that. 
• Ara has been drawing the most vivid characters out of letters. 
• I have been practicing again and it feels great.
• Ara’s constipation is clearing up, I had to resort to meds though. 
• I will still be tormenting Alex and Ara with whole grain, flax seed, Omega-3 filled meals anyway. 

Sleep deprivation: 

For the past 2 weeks I have been having trouble sleeping.  It was a spiral that spun out of control.  I began to feel stressed about going to sleep so that when I lay down my heart would race and I would squeeze my eyes shut.  Not the most productive sleeping environment.  I was getting on average about 3 hours of sleep a night and I was GRUMPY about it, let me tell you!  The past few days I have been sleeping just fine however, and I think I can pinpoint the source of my sleeplessness.  Breaking Dawn.  I was listening to it on my iPod every night.  This is my second read and I remember having problems sleeping with every book in the Twilight series.  Of, course I was usually lying awake, light on, book in hand so it was less noticeable.  There are themes in the book that really get under my skin.  On top of being an incredibly suspenseful book.  I actually feel like I should identify with the author more because she is a mother herself.  As is the author of Harry Potter.  But, in Breaking Dawn I find myself thinking that, for a Mother, she is strange.  Bella, knowing that she is going into a situation where either her or Edward will die states that she will not live without him.  In my head I wondered, how she could be so selfish.  Did she think her daughter would prefer her parents to leave her together so that they would feel no grief?  What of her daughters grief?  I suppose I am supposed to see the bond between Edward and Bella as unbreakable, perhaps stronger than a normal love.  Stronger than a Mother’s ties to her child?  Maybe I am being too harsh, I know that she was trying to ensure her daughter’s future by sacrificing her own.  At least that is how we are supposed to see it.  I know it’s a romantic book with very young characters and meant for a young audience but I just couldn’t identify with Bella on that level.  The night she first saw her baby and learned that her life could be in danger from her accelerated growth… Bella went off and had a magical night with Edward.  I KNOW the baby was asleep, but I would never have been able to compartmentalize that information long enough to go have a carefree night.  Is that just me?  “Oh, my little girl’s life is in danger?  Well, I’ll think about it later, after all she is asleep”.  A mother wrote this?  In the final installment of Harry Potter, the author has a Mother step into the role of protector to take down bad guy #2.  Out of the blue this sweet little lady steps in to shield her children from danger and does what no one thought her capable of.  And in fact the very reason Harry is so powerful is because of his Mother’s unconditional love.  Ok my rant is over, you can see I was getting obsessed with this and since I finished the book I have been sleeping better.  I am currently listening to A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson and sleeping so much better!

 

Pre-K:

I have been staring at my computer screen in frustration pouring over information about local schools offering a pre-k program.  Aside from the emotional factors I have to also consider price, location, and quality.  Most private schools are too pricey and even the community schools sometimes charge a good amount.  There are also a few charter schools in our neighborhood and they are free.  So, do we try to put her in a program at an elementary school, one that she could stay at for K-6 or do we look at a program based solely on it’s student:teacher ratio, report card, test scores? 

I keep asking myself if I was right to keep her home.  Is she better off now than she would be if we had sent her to daycare?  I can see the drawbacks.  She is socially not as advanced as many other children her age.  She doesn’t know how to wait in line or interact with her peers.  On the positive side she has great communication skills, and a good sense of herself.  How ready is she for school?  What more can I do to help her?  I have questions… I also have books on the subject but I am still torn.  We have been working with her everyday on her letters and numbers and she is excelling beyond my expectations.  She doesn’t lack potential that is certain.. she takes after her Dad. I want so badly to make things easier for her.  To prepare her for the world.  I want to give her the skills to navigate school and at the same time I want to protect her forever.  I’m a wreck, anyone surprised?  Didn’t think so.

 

Wow this was a long post.

 

I still have no wallet.

"Some people lay things down around them neatly; some of us toss. If you're a tosser, go into the most traveled spots of the most suspect rooms, then pretend that you're tossing the object as you turn in a circle."

I lost my wallet sometime between when I taught Saturday and realized I had no money on Sunday. I thought the wikiHow article was funny but I still have not found it! I did check my bank and all my millions of dollars are still in there so I guess it's lost not stolen.

Come back!!

The thing that is making me most sad is that my Target gift card Alex got me for my birthday was in there. I have been holding onto it until I think of something really special. Now, it might never be!

How to Find Lost Objects

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

?]]
Do you often find yourself in a frenzy and tearing apart your home in search of something? Are you late for work again because you couldn't find your car keys? Use this guide to save time -- and your sanity.

Steps

1. Check your immediate surroundings. Survey the room or rooms where the item might be. Don't go into depth, searching under piles of clothes and inside pants' pockets. Instead, just look around to see if the item is in plain sight.
   
2. Look for the missing object where it is supposed to be, or where it can usually be found. If you lost your check card, then you should obviously check your wallet. If your keys are missing, then look in your door and car locks to make sure you didn't simply forget them.
   
3. Check on your person. It sounds silly, but it's possible to forget that your glasses are already hanging around your neck, perched on your head, or even right in front of your eyes. Check these obvious spots once more even if you're sure you already did.
   
4. Search for the missing object in depth. Now that you know the object is not in plain view, look in more detail around your home and car. If you have a messy residence, this may require some time. Make sure to be thorough. Most people have the same daily routine, which will narrow things down a bit. Eliminate places that the item is very unlikely to be (such as keys in the oven) to save time. You probably thought of several possible places, gave a cursory check of the first few, and by the time you got to the end of your list were getting worried and looking more carefully. Go back and look carefully in those more likely places too.
   
5. Clean your surroundings. Try doing a rigorous tidy-up of your room, house, apartment, dorm room, car, book bag, backpack, purse, or whatever area you have likely lost your item. Items seldom disappear from spotlessly neat areas. Just cleaning up may very well reveal the whereabouts of your lost item. If not, well, at least you cleaned up!
   
6. Think back to the last time and place you used the missing object. Did you take it to work or to a friend's house? Were you recently at a restaurant or on the city bus? When did you use the object last? Retracing your steps may lead to the object. These things usually happen when we are on auto-pilot and get distracted. Maybe someone was cleaning up and moved your item. Where might they have put it?
   
7. Call the people and places you've been recently. Now that you have narrowed down the places it could be, call your friends, your job, the bus station, etc. They may be holding your missing object for you.
   
8. Ask others to help you look for it Enlisting the help of others will often enhance your chances of spotting the lost item. This could be your family members, your friends, the bus driver, even total strangers (who are often remarkably obliging in looking for a misplaced item!). You can even put an advertisement in the local newspaper, on lampposts or on Craig's List--it's a long shot but may be worth it if your lost object is valuable.
   
9. Search systematically Depending on your surroundings, try to come up with a system to avoid overlooking an area. For instance, if you think you may have lost your lucky penny in a grassy lawn, you may want to create a search pattern by yourself or with volunteers to avoid overlooking an area.
   
10. Consider the possibility that the item may have been stolen. Do not panic, but consider how much the item might be worth to a stranger and whether anyone might want it as their own. If the item is relatively valueless, of course, it's unlikely to be an object of theft. However, you never know--people sometimes steal things for apparently nonsensical reasons.
    
11. Give it time. Sometimes an item will surface in time. Your sister finds it while vacuuming in an oddball spot you never would thought of, for instance. Unless it is something which can cause serious problems (like credit cards, cell phone, checkbook, I.D.), sometimes just waiting pays off.
    
12. Make sure the missing item doesn't get lost again, whether it is found or you replace it. Whether the item is replaced or found, get a better key chain (and use it for its purpose), organize your home, and have a designated place to store your valuables until the next time you need them.
    

Video

Tips

• Do not look blindly for the item. The first reaction is to search for the missing item everywhere imaginable, leading to frustration. Take a moment to calm down and think logically. Be methodical and split the area up in smaller zones and scan one at a time. If you go back, always search the area as you've earlier defined.
  
• On at least one search pass, look above eye-level. So often, we're looking down while searching, but might have put the item on a higher shelf, "just for a moment."
  
• Check everything again and again. If you have searched your room for your keys three times, check again. It is not rare to find something in the very place you thought you had already searched thoroughly. Ask someone else to help you if you don't mind them looking through your things.
  
• Don't forget the automobile! For most people, the last place they were before coming home was in their car. For small objects (such as keys and credit cards), be sure to look between and under the seats of your car to make sure they didn't fall out of your pocket.
  
• Consider the item's characteristics. The nature of certain items makes them easier or more difficult to locate. Missing cell phones, for example, can often be recovered by simply calling the number of the phone, assuming the phone is powered on and charged. Also, consider that when you use the item. For example, if you often use something in the winter, try checking the pockets of your winter jackets.
  
• If none of this works, just stop looking. Get your mind completely off finding the object. This gives the amazing computer in your brain a chance to work, which sometimes leads to instant recall.
  
• Write your name in heavy duty markers on valuables in a hidden place. That way, if they get stolen, you can easily prove it's yours.
  
• If you don't find the item quickly, stop looking and start picking up and/or cleaning your house, car, or office. This changes your focus and level of frustration. When you find the item (or even if you don't), you'll be on your way to more organized surroundings and less likely to misplace things.
  
• Know your habits. Some people lay things down around them neatly; some of us toss. If you're a tosser, go into the most traveled spots of the most suspect rooms, then pretend that you're tossing the object as you turn in a circle. This gives you a radius (based on how you would toss that particular object -- you'd toss your keys differently than a notebook or breakable object) of roughly where it would be, including the trajectory it could have bounced off of the bed or a sofa cushion.
  
• For next time try to remember where you first looked for it, when you realized it was lost. Keep it in this place and you should avoid losing the same thing again. Usually the first place that springs to mind will be the same each time.
  
• If the object is small, and you think it might be on the floor, lay your head down so that the floor is at eye level. This makes small objects more easily seen.
  
• Try to keep backups of the most common misplaced things (keys, wallet, purse, cell phone, and the remote control), so that if you don't have time to look for them, you can still get by. Make sure they look and feel different from the originals and keep them in a separate place. You don't want to lose both by always thinking you had the other one.
  
• Habit is a great substitute for memory. Practice the habit of putting your keys and wallet/purse in the same place, every time. If you catch yourself thinking, "I'll just put it here for a moment...", stop, give yourself a small dope-slap, and go put it in the Proper Place...which should be a convenient and dedicated shelf or container very close to The First Place You Looked.
  
• Put your keys on a nail or key hooks (available at a hardware or home decor store) next to the door. You will always have your keys handy and the fire dept advises putting them where you can grab and go. You could also keep a dish or shelf (frisbee, abalone shell -- whatever will hold your stuff) where you put all those important things (phone, wallet, keys, change) right as you walk in the door.
  
• Put your jewelry into a jewelry box to keep it easy to find and a clean look to your bureau.
  
• When you do something, say it. When you talk, your brain works to remember what are you doing. If you put your wallet somewhere, say to yourself where you put it.
  
• If you are extremely worried, use one of those new RFID tags and locaters. Just don't lose the locater.
  
• You can also try services like TheFoundBin. These sites list found objects on an easy to use map.
  
• If nothing whatsoever works, simply pay to replace the item. After you have the new one, the lost item will suddenly appear in a place you thought you had raided thousands of times.
  
• If the object is small enough to fit in say, a pocket, then try checking dirty pants that have not been washed yet or are somewhere in the laundry room.
  

Warnings

• If the item can be easily replaced, then cut your losses to avoid further inconvenience. Check and credit cards, for example, can be replaced by your bank, usually free of charge. If a card has not been found after going through the above steps, call to have the card deactivated and have a new one sent. Many places do not check photo I.D when using such cards, and if it has been stolen, you could be hurt financially if you don't report the loss promptly.
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Deal With Losing Your Wallet
  
• How to Find a Lost Dog
  
• How to Organize Your Home
  

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Find Lost Objects. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Crazy Friday

While I was teaching, my neighbors had a blow out fight and the police came.. Ghetto flute lessons anyone?

--
==================================================================
This mobile text message is brought to you by AT&T

I've never seen someone so perfect.

Laundry day!

Ara is Using the Flushing Toilet!

Most Innovative Toilets in the World

This toilet celebratory post is in honor of one Miss Ara who has been successfully using the flushing toilet for 3 days in a row now! 

 

*pause for applause*

 

She has been doing really well at home using her Fisher Price potty chair but she couldn’t get over her fears of the loud flushing toilets that most of us are accustomed to.  This was quite an obstacle when we were out in public without our potty chair in tow.  Needless to say, I am happy to be flushing instead of dumping and cheering instead of wiping.

 

Go Ara girl!

To Do List (for my life)

1. See my daughter grow up and live her life to the fullest.

2. Hike the grand canyon.

3.  Learn as much as I can about everything.

4.  Dive with marine mammals.

5.  Shed my inhibitions and sing Karaoke.

6.  Feel compassion for every person I meet.

7.  Touch a panda bear!

8.  Travel.  Everywhere.

9.  Really appreciate and hold those I love close to me. 

10.  Play flute often and well.

11.  See an alligator in the wild.

12.  Teach with sincerity.

13.  Be supportive of myself inside my head.

14.  Take a vacation with Alex and really relax.

15.  Take great pictures.

16.  Make time for friends.

17.  Travel through Europe with Ara.

18.  Petition to make M&M day an official holiday!

 

Ok, now I’m getting silly.  This is my list (so far)!

 

Already done:

1.  See the Swiss Alps, from the top.

2.  Sky dive.

3.  Feed a baby seal.

 

I’ll try to think of more because the length of this part of the list is depressing!

Starbucks Is Not Your Office (but it would be great if it was)!

“Reader jessettrs sends in this ridiculous image taken at a Starbucks on 42nd and 9th. Yeah, it's a guy with a Mac Mini and a 15-inch LCD.

Our tipster also says that there's a T-Mobile G1 hanging off that contraption for some reason, and the guy looks like a homeless dude. Anyone who needs to bring the entire contents of their home office into a coffee shop is as good as, we say.”

To read the full story click here.

 

Maybe, this guy is just a little smarter than the rest of us.. I mean are we not headed into a financial recession?  Cut the internet bills and set up shop in a Starbucks!  I hear they have refreshments there.. (subliminal message: Italian Soda!)

Love from Ara

Ara & her grandpa

My Dad came over today to take Ara and I to lunch. I had Ara all excited about going to her eat Macoronii & Cheese and icecream (which was a little shameless since Jason's Deli is one of my favorite places). I didn't realize until he got here that my Mom has our car seat in her car so we were stuck walking to a local place. We used the new "princess carriage" that Cassandra gave us last night, it's a really cool stroller/bike trailer. The walk was really nice, the weather was sunny but not hot and we ate outside at this little Mexican resturant around the corner. It was a really nice day. Now, I just need nap time to start to make it perfect!

Super tall tower

Tonight we FINALLY made it over to Cassandra's house. Ara fell in love with her 9 year old daughter instantly and she followed her around happily. I love when Ara finds a good kid to idolize! I am writing my blog out of order since I just mentioned the stroller/trailer that Cassandra gave us in my blog for today and now I am writing about last night and the time warp in my brain is making me dizzy! The picture is just the block tower Ara and I built last night, she was also partially in undressed because she was stalling getting her pajamas on and I was an accomplice! Ok I have to stop I am having an upside down feeling that needs to stop!

Posting via Email

So many strings that tie me to the internet. Twitter, blog, facebook.. I am a puppet on a string! (Just testing email posts :D)

Paper Towns

John Green answers questions about Paper Towns.

None of my questions though! If you have not picked up a John Green book you should. I particularly loved Looking for Alaska but I read and enjoyed all of his books. They are easy to read and you are pulled into them from the first page. In fact I wish that I had not read them yet.. so that I could read them again! In the video he talks about writing the screen play for Paper Towns, that's exciting. I love love LOVE watching movies made from books. It's so exciting to compare your imagination to the movie (my imagination is always better). I particularly enjoy the scenery. I mean the first time I saw Hogwarts in the movies I was in love! Ok back to my green tea morning~

@church notice they hide all the toys!

She looks so grown up

Joy?

I couldn't sleep last night, stressed about church.

--
==================================================================
This mobile text message is brought to you by AT&T

25 Random Things About Me

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1.  I refuse to watch scary movies, movies about animals, sad movies, or movies set in Scotland or Ireland.  When I was pregnant I had to stop watching shows like CSI and even the news.  They effect me too much and make me have bad dreams.  I do know I’m a wimp.

2.  I think of playing flute as an emotional faucet.  All of the emotions, frustrations, passions, and even forgotten things come bubbling up to the surface when I play.  Sometimes I have to keep a list near me to write down all the things I realize I’ve forgotten.

3.  From 7th grade up I have always been in a relationship except for a small window in my Senior year in high school when I moved to Arizona.  All of my relationships ended amicable.

4.  I learned that I loved to read books in 3rd grade.  I would put books on my lap under the desk in school to read through the day.  Charlotte's Web was my first love.

5.  My first flute teacher didn’t play flute but she would spend hours a day playing piano for me.  Her passion, love, and devotion have been a guiding light to me throughout my life. 

6.  My dreams influence me and sometimes teach me about myself.  They are also crazy and highly entertaining.

7.  I envy people who say they are bored.  Who has time to be bored?

8.  Since I realized I was pregnant I have been a different person.  It may be cliché but in a very real and profound way I am changed.  I love Ara with a love so fierce it can still shock me. 

9.  I have always been in awe of Alex’s musical talent. 

10.  The greatest musical moment in my life was in Lucerne Switzerland playing Maslanka’s Sax Concert.  My tears flowed through the entire last movement and it seemed so natural.

11.  I am extremely proud that Ara had a drug free birth with midwives in a birth center.  I felt empowered and in control.  Hospitals are for sick people.  I had Ara in a place that celebrates life.

12.  When I decided to go sky diving my Dad objected saying, “no daughter of an airplane mechanic jumps out of a perfectly good airplane”.  When I left the house to do the jump I backed over the garbage cans. 

13.  I am terrible with money and if not for online bill pay and emailed reminders I would never pay anything on time.  In fact I still really don’t.

14.  I am afraid Ara will be like me with money. 

15.  I have been blogging since 2003.  Before I knew it was called blogging. 

16.  fluteloop.com has been paid for all these years by someone I met online who called herself DragonGirl.  I haven’t updated it in over a year because I lost the password.

17.  I hardly ever drink. 

18.  I like to quote Seinfeld but when I do my students look at me blankly.

19.  I miss teaching and playing and at the same time I wish that I could keep Ara home with me forever.

20.  I don’t keep in touch with anyone.  I wish that I wasn’t like that I miss friends who have moved away.

21.  Touring Europe was a dream come true for me.  I hope I can go back with Ara someday.

22.  I want to go back to school.

23.  In college I shared a 3 bedroom house with 4-5 girls.  They were all Mormon and for the most part I loved living with them.  It reminded me of Anne of Green Gables.  I didn’t keep in touch with any of them.

24.  I am uncomfortable with the subject or religion but I am trying to reconcile myself to it so that I can be some sort of guidance for Ara.  I think I’m agnostic.

25.  I would like to be a writer someday.

Found This Saved as a Draft from a While Ago

Once upon a time there was a scientist who was also a princess and her name was Ara. Ara was a very curious girl and she was determined to find out everything about everything. If she saw an animal she didn't know, she would remember everything about it from it's name, to where it lived in the world, and even what sound it made.

One day Ara's Mother gave her a bag full of cereal to snack on. Ara looked closely at the little balls and thought that she should do some experiments. She threw them in the air, and noticed that they always fell to the floor. When she walked on them, they made a crunchy sound. She noticed her share bear nearby and threw the bear into the air over the balls. It fell onto them and made another crunchy sound. She rolled her keyboard over them and it spread the crumbs out. Ara noticed that the cereal balls didn't bounce like her other balls. She tasted one and found that they were more delicious than her other balls as well. She tasted some crumbs from the floor and thought that the cereal was just as good on the floor and crushed. It was harder to pick up though, so she got down on her tummy and tried licking them up. This worked but when her Mom saw her doing this, she seemed upset. Ara's Mom also seemed upset about the cereal all over the floor. What an interesting experiment.

Penguin Dream

I had the most amazing dream this morning!
I was at some sort of camp or retreat, it reminded me a little of church camp from my youth except that it was right on the vast, dark, turbulent ocean. It was also snowing but being a dream I wasn't feeling the cold I just knew that it was cold. It was a stormy night with snow so I decided I would like to take a swim in the ocean (of course right?). I know it sounds kind of nightmare-ish but my ocean dreams are like flying dreams for other people. When I am swimming in an ocean with no boundaries I feel utterly alone and free and somehow brave. So, I am back stroking through the strong waves really enjoying myself when I realize I am close to a sheer black rock cliff. I try to steer away from it but I keep coming back to it. Then suddenly some animal attaches itself to my neck and I feel it's face on my cheek. Again, it sounds like a nightmare and even in my dream I thought, "I should be afraid, but I'm not". I knew that it was a baby penguin somehow and I let it continue to cling to me. I started to dive repeatedly, thinking that it would want to let go and that I could shake it loose. It clung tight so I continued to swim until I was back at the camp. I took the penguin with me to a mess hall where I saw some of the ladies that have been making me feel so unwelcome at church.

These ladies are bothering me more than I would like to admit. They aren't bad people but the looks on their faces (and their words) tell me that I am not one of them. I am not accepted and that hurts me. I'm ashamed to admit it but I start to imagine what they must see when they look at me and my self esteem takes a hit.

Anyway, in the dream these ladies see me with my fuzzy little penguin friend and they start to whisper and hiss to each other. I overhear that my penguin is an endangered species and it's illegal to remove one from the wild.

This is a little nod to the Desert Tortoise adoption program I want to be a part of. And that someone just a few weeks ago offered me a baby (bred in captivity) and I turned it down because I want to go through the correct avenues.

So I decide to take my illegal penguin to my room and then the dream gets a little hazy. There is some confusion with which room is mine and I can't seem to find keys or something or my Mom has them... I briefly see my brother which has no bearing on the plot of the dream just that it is pretty random. I guess I found my room and went to sleep because the dream continues the next day. It's still dark though, like the sun never shines. It's still snowing but there is no snow on the ground. I walk with my penguin to a dark water avenue that winds through narrow channels in the cliffs and camp (anyone read The Host?). So.. now apparently I am in a Venice camp or underground cave system? As I am rowing I see my Dad and his fiancé, Ann and they get into the boat. I am feeling anxious about my penguin, I don't want them to squish him. For some reason, I feel like they can't see him. Suddenly the passage opens on one side and I see a glacier lake and 3 adult penguins. Feelings of relief and sadness roll over me as I decide to take my little penguin to them.

And then I woke up.

Daddy day

Small A

Ara wants to take ballet lessons!

I told her that all the kids in ballet class use the toilet that flushes so now she is determined to make it happen.

We've been working with Ara on her letters and numbers.
She is like a learning sponge..
an enthusiastic absorbent learning sponge..
an adorable enthusiastic adorable absorbent learning sponge that I love!

The only small issue has been convincing her that small "a" looks so different from a big "A". I know it was my mistake calling it small and big instead of upper and lower case.

My camera is still broken. I feel so crippled without it!

Bird house attempt

It's a work in progress! I thought this would be a fun project for Ara and I and then we could paint it and attatch it to a fense post. The problem is that it isn't as easy as it looks! We are waiting for the glue to dry to attempt a roof and some front door. I doubt any bird will decide this house looks structually sound enough to live in though. It's probably for the best because my cat might eat the birds when their house collapsed and that would be sad. Ara added the sample paint color on the side tonight. She was painting pictures next to me while I puzzled over the third wall. I left the room once and she called out to me "mama I spilled but I'm cleaning it". I cringed.. the image of Ara smearing paint all over something with her hand came to me as I hurried into the kitchen. I was wrong though. I found Ara, paper towel in hand expertly wiping the paint off the floor. She did indeed "clean it". I tried to kiss her for being so mature and thoughtful, she complained and went back to her painting! Darn grown up kids who don't want mama kisses!

Coloring in the kitchen during church

I'm sorry mama.. Sorry you yelled at me.

Short

I have been passively avoiding organized religion for most of my adult life. A few months ago I started taking Ara to the church I grew up in. I left today in tears. Isn't it ironic how the "holiest" of the older church ladies can wear such an expression of disapproval and make you feel so unwelcome in their sad childless little sanctuary. I plan to write more later but right now I need to get out some power tools and fix the gate (aka vent some anger).

Also Alex left this morning on a work trip and irrational as it is I feel so alone!

Under a Mountain of Toys

For my birthday I got a lovely bouquet of flowers that I promptly stuck in a coffee cup with water (I don't even own a vase!) and expected to watch them die. I put a packet of that flower food that came with the flowers and it was amazing! My flowers lasted 20 days and I got used to having this pretty bright spot in the kitchen. So I have added a resolution for 2009! I need flowers every week! I told Alex, he was less enthusiastic about it, don't ask me why. This week Ara and I picked out a bunch of white mums and my Mom gave me a pretty vase. I can't explain it but I look at them and I see happy :D Maybe it's just because it's winter, who knows? Yay flowers!

Today is raining so I have pulled all of Ara's toys out into the living room to begin a mass organization project. This has been on my "to-do" list forever and it's quite the undertaking! Why does my 3 year old have so many books and toys? Well I can guarantee that the donation and trash bags will be full today.

I am also trying to think of projects and games we can play next week. I want to keep busy and on schedule so that Ara won't have as much time to act up about Alex being out of town. I am also trying to comfort myself, he has a business trip next week and I am nervous about things here. I'm sure everything will be fine but I'll miss him!

Megan took me out to lunch and ice cream for my birthday. It was so nice to eat Chinese food and laugh and worry only about my own table manners!

I have been missing the YMCA a lot lately. We stopped going when the purple car died but I think it's time to go back! Y-M-C-A ( I was singing that).

That's it for my small update. I will write more often next week so Alex can read all about it! I'm off to organize!

Lunch after spending christmas money!

Child Flute Player and You Tube Auditions

Amazing 8 year old flute player! She apparently started lessons at the age of 3, which makes me think... Ara is 3... but unless I can find a "My Little Pony" flute I doubt she would interested lol.



This is an interesting concept. Auditions for an orchestra via You Tube. Check out the LSO master classes linked from this video!

My Lola

I'm sick today so I'm doing a lot of laying around trying to think of things to occupy Ara with. My Dad is in California today for my lola's (Filipino Great Grandmother) funeral. I want to post some pictures of her from our visit last May but I can't remember where I put the little key drive thing. My brain is useless today! My great uncle emailed the obituary that he wrote for her and I want to share it here because her life story is so amazing.

Felisa was the third of four children from her mother’s second marriage; she had two half-sisters, and three half-brothers and sisters. As a child, she loved reading but had to leave school in the third grade to help an older sister take care of her children. Despite leaving school so early, she was an able writer in three languages, Kapangpangan, Tagalog, and English. She loved sports, playing softball in her youth, often at first base because she could leap high for balls thrown wide and wild. In 1935, at age 19, she married Aniceto, a young soldier in the Philippine Scouts.

Evident early on in her life, her strength and resourcefulness often kept her family from harm. On December 7, 1941, the Japanese armed forces attacked and eventually occupied the Phillippines. With her husband away defending the Philippines, and pregnant with her fourth child, alone she protected her three young children, evacuating them from her home at Ft. McKinley to a village about 30 miles north of Masantol. This village was not immune from the Japanese planes, which dropped bombs which she described as larger than her forearm. To safeguard her children from bombardment, she dug foxholes, where she lived with the children until the bombings ceased. To keep them fed, she bartered and bargained on the black market for any food she could find. Along with other woman, she slaughtered chickens and pigs. Assisted by midwives, she had her fourth child in July 1942. During the Japanese occupation, she rarely saw her husband. He, along with thousands of Philippines and US soldiers, was captured, and forced on the infamous Bataan Death March. After arriving in the prison camps, he attempted to escape but only to be shot and returned to a Japanese prison camp. He made good on a second attempt to escape, and surprised Felisa, making an unannounced visit to her door in July 1943.

In 1950, with the outbreak of the Korean War, Felisa and her children, now numbering six, saw her solider husband off to another war. Her husband, now a member of the United States Army, saw close combat for which he received the Silver Star for his heroism. Felisa wrote to Aniceto’s commanding general, eloquently describing the hardship of raising six children on her own if he was killed in combat, and requested that he be sent home to his family. Disappointed, Aniceto was home within the month.

In 1955, Felisa packed her family and left her homeland to join her husband now stationed in Japan. After two years, the family moved to Ft. Lewis, Washington. In 1959, her husband retired from the military, and all eight piled into one 1957 Buick to make the 18-hour drive to Sacramento, where they put down roots. Here in Sacramento, Felisa had her last two children.

As her children grew up and had their own, Felisa became “Lola” to her growing grandchildren, followed by great grandchildren. For almost fifty years, she often had at least one grandchild in her care. Her last grandchild, Emilio, spent much of his first year in his Lola’s arms and care. Besides the special foods she would cook for the grandchildren, she was fond of making up unique and playful nicknames for them.

Her final days and months of life were spent in the generous and loving care of her fourth daughter, Dellie and her husband, Dr. Achelle Punla. This Christmas was spent with her children, grand children and great grand children. Her family has lost a very strong, but loving mother and grandmother, aunt and friend. She held the loving respect and admiration of all who knew her. Though she was our family’s heart and soul, we each will carry her love forward.

I don't want to sound insensitive but I was surprised how sad I felt when I learned of her passing. As she grew older she spoke English less and less. My memories of my lola are mostly of her in the kitchen cooking for our family gatherings. I remember the smells of fried rice and lumpia. She always had a smile for me. She would place her soft worn hands on my face and smile and speak in tagalog to me (which I didn't understand). My childhood is filled with memories of my great grandparents wonderful house in Sacramento. I only realize now how much I miss those gatherings. How much I wish that Ara could have those same memories. But now she is gone, and it will never be the same. That makes me sad. Ara did get to meet her last May and the image I have of them locked in each others eyes smiling is a very comforting one. Great great grandmother! Today I am sad that I am not in Sacramento playing Ave Maria for her. She wanted me to do that and I am not there. I feel guilt and sadness. I remember nodding every time she would tell me that this was her wish and thinking that I would be too sad to play. My thoughts are with my family there. They have had a rough couple of years, seeing my lola through her failing health. I wish I could be there, I can imagine there are tears but also laughter and food.. lots of food. That is the Filipino way! I keep getting the crazy urge to call my Grandma in California to beg her to move here. I want so badly for Ara to know and love her like I do. Visits don't feel like enough. Since Ara was born I have noticed how very few Filipino customs I have kept. Ara is only 1/4 Filipino (1/4 white (sorry if that was not pc) and 1/2 Hispanic) she has so many pieces of herself, so many places to belong. I want her to love and embrace that about herself. Suddenly I feel out of energy to write and to feel this way so I am going to stop.

A quick list of things I want to blog about:

• Pictures from Christmas
• CA pictures
• The Yard
• Current Books
• Ara's chores and cooking
  

Giant flute

Contra Flute @ TFC rehearsal

In my head though, it is called paper clip flute!

I have a ton of things I want to write about but I don't have time at this moment. I want to write all about Ara's Christmas, my birthday, New Years, the exciting new play yard for Ara... the list goes on and on. I did go to the library last night before rehearsal and I checked out far too many books and audiobooks.

• Joy of Cooking
• How to Practice The Way to a Meaningful Life
• Practical Wisdom for Parents
  
• Confetti Cakes
• Eclipe (audio)
• New Moon (audio)
• Letter to my Daughter (audio)
• Harry, A History
• Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
• Eragon

(there are a few more but I will stop there, I realize I left out author's names but I'm pretty sure a google search would reveal all!)

I actually haven't even finished the Host yet so I am behind in my reading! I feel so rich in life when I have so many books waiting for me!

Quick Ara update:

She loves her new bed.

Lately, she greets other children so enthusiastically she is actually frightening some of them. I've told her she should at least ask before hugging and kissing them. She calls every kid she sees "friend".

We have been having her help with cooking and baking and I even let her help me rinse the dishes. She glows when we include her in such grown up activities.

Today we are painiting her fence and I am late already!

New Years Resolutions

This list is a work in progress. The New Year/My Birthday is looming and there is so much I want to improve about myself.

• Diet and Exercise for optimum health
• Be more consistent with Ara's education
• See the world through Ara's eyes
• Patience
  
• Get more sleep
• Make more time to laugh and cuddle with Alex
• Take a writing class
• Practice
  
• Give a recital
  

Happy Slip

This music is old, neat.

Joe and Ara at the library

Random Christmas-ness

I love sitting on the couch blogging with a pretty Christmas tree sparkling in the corner! I am waiting for a student, trying to stay awake. Last night Ara and I were invited over to Megan's house for Christmas cookie decorating. She had the whole table set for decorating with red table cloth and homemade sugar cookies, icing, and sprinkles. Ara created some very interesting and frosting-ful cookie masterpieces before she realized that icing is delicious. After that the icing mostly went into her mouth! I blame myself really that she is so sugar deprived! She had a blast and she didn't even break anything. So proud.

Today is Tuesday. Which means.. non-stop fun (that was sarcasm). Laundry and cleaning so the house will be decent for students. Ara is supposed to be sleeping and I have chairs and a stand set up outside. I'm hoping it won't be too cold and dark for an outside lesson again.. it's so much easier to focus on teaching without her dancing around me in circles. She is still singing silly songs in her bed though...

We are so close to being done with Christmas shopping after the marathon in a toy store last weekend. This is a thrifty Christmas so we are trying to have restraint when we buy. Except when it comes to the kids, of course! Ara has a pile of presents under the tree already. We still need to get her Santa presents though. He is giving her a twin bed... technically we already have the bed but she doesn't know this! It will be in the living room all made up on Christmas morning. With new red flannel sheets, a new comforter, pillow, some cute stuffed animal, and a big red bow. I hope she thinks that is special. A Santa bed! It's another sappy Mom moment.. graduating from the cute little toddler bed to a bed she could be in through her teenager years.

Did I mention that the Christmas tree is pretty!

I'm back from teaching, this is why I have trouble writing a coherent entry, too many distractions! Well, that and my brain are the problem.

Tomorrow I plan to walk to the library and pick up my reserved books! It's exciting because I have:

The tales of Beedle the Bard
Gilmore girls : the complete sixth season
The Jane Austen Book Club

And I am 1/3 reserves on Harry, a history : the true story of a boy wizard, his fans, and life inside the Harry Potter phenom!

I am almost done listening to Twilight on audio which has been fun. I love having audio books for re-reading. I also have Angel's and Demon's (Dan Brown) on my iPod but I keep feeling like it's too creepy for listening right before I sleep.

Yay, just talked to Alex on IM (he is at work) and he suggested pizza since it's been a long day for us.

After the library Ara and I will be making a batch of Peppermint Bark to give away to spread holiday cheer!~

Happy Christmas!

I am in love with this!

Slide

First batch of Christmas presents!

Reading

The past few days I have been immersed in John Green books. I read Paper Towns, Looking for Alaska, and An Abundance of Katherine's. I really enjoy the pace of the books, I am interested in the story and main character from the first page. I love finding new authors and having a colorful fictional world to live in for a few days. I laughed and cried (seriously) and I would recommend all three books!

For my future reading plans...

Tales of Beedle the Bard

Harry, A History

I just picked up the audio version of Twilight yesterday (library again) so I am looking forward to listing to that on my ipod today as I clean my incredible messy house. Seriously this place is in shambles. When we brought the new bed in we had to get rid of a desk, dresser, and a chair. So now I have several things without a home. So I have to go through a bunch of clothes and add them to the pile of donation stuff I have sitting in the corner. I also asked Alex to get my music down from the loft last Saturday so that I could find all of my Christmas books. While the boxes were down I thought it would be a good opportunity to organize them so here they still sit... in the living room. Ahhh clutter is scary and stressful! So today everything will find a home and the floor will be clean. I will be tired from a day of laundry and cleaning but I will sleep well tonight! My Mom and I had planned to do laundry this morning at 9am but she is an hour late which is why I am blogging right now! I made banana nut muffins this morning and I am now ignoring the fact that the kitchen is calling out for a cleaning. I can't hear you kitchen! Geez it makes me feel so stressed to have a messy house. I even think Ara misbehaves more when the house is a mess.

On a less messy note... we are going to get the Christmas tree on Friday! Yay! I can't wait! I have the Christmas box sitting in the living room (yet another rubbermaid box sitting here.. driving me insane). Ara is the embodiment of Christmas joy. She is delighted by anything Christmas. It would be hard not to be enthusiastic with her around!

There has been a hitch in the potty training... public bathrooms. Ara is developing a 3 year old phobia of loud flushing toilets and automatic hand dryers. Without fail we will go somewhere and right away Ara will say, "mama I have to pee!". I lead her to the bathroom she starts declaring everything "sceeeewy" and backing out. Then I put the emergency diaper on her and feel like we are not making much progress. At home, she is doing great and the rest will work itself out eventually, I'm sure.

Cold day at the park

Give me a margarita!

I don't know if this is too private to talk about but I am going to write anyway and then decide if I should post. I have been feeling strange for a few weeks and I have been pretty sure I was pregnant. Alex and I have been talking about another baby but this wasn't the timing we were expecting at all. There is so much to consider. So many pros and cons to weigh into the decision. I was already in love with the idea of a new baby though, so today when my period came (4 days late) I was disappointed and relieved at the same time. Poof went all of my day dreams of Ara having a little sibling on her 4th birthday. Of watching another perfect little tiny baby tummy rise and fall as they sleep. Poof went all of the worry about money and timing and labor and sleepless nights. No more wondering if I can do it all again. Everything is back to normal and yet I feel a sense of loss all the same. In a lot of ways this is better. I can go on giving Ara my undivided attention and it's less strain financially and this is a decision we want to make when we are ready. We've already done the whole "surprise you're pregnant" thing so it would be nice to plan ahead and be 100% sure we are ready. The time will come, or it won't but either way I already so much to be thankful for. Alex and Ara are my family and they are all I need. And to think.. I could have had that margarita on Thanksgiving after all!

Hello December!

It's December!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, every where but here!

So, it is still a tad warm for December but it's lovely weather and I will take it! I just finished giving a flute lesson.. outside! I know I know, how could I take my instrument outside? Am I crazy? Yes, and happy. Also, Ara was asleep the whole time and she is STILL asleep so it was a win win situation. I love how I am rambling about the weather in my blog...

Anyway...

Ara and I made Christmas cookies last night. She was so cute! We made sugar cookies with icing and sprinkles and listened to the Harry Connick Jr. Christmas DVD A just got for me. We also decorated a wreath and felt very Christmas-y!

A and I finally got a new bed! That is the big big news this week (for me anyway). It's lovely and big and comfy and I even got to choose the color of the new sheets (red!). We have owed ourselves this for a long time and it is our Christmas present to each other. I love it. Sleep is such a wonderful thing when you have it and it's restful.

I have flute club Christmas gigs coming up. Well I do IF I can find some way to get to them anyway. I love playing at the botanical gardens every year. They light up the walkways with luminaries and string lights on the trees. People stroll through the garden listening to various ensembles and drinking hot cider. It puts the added little sparkly on my Christmas mood every year. They also have a butterfly exhibit there I want to take Ara to, maybe next week.

This weekend will be another kids concert with the TSO. A and I are excited to take Ara to see the woodwind quintet. I just love taking her to special events that are just for her. I feel like I drag her around doing mundane chores and errends all the time so when we get to do something as a family that we know she will enjoy and learn from it's a special treat!

Ara's art (it's a car!)

Sand angel

Merry day!

Yesterday we took Ara to Target and I taught her about christmas tree smelling! We are officially in holid

--
==================================================================
This mobile text message is brought to you by AT&T

Two cuties

HP

Megan and I saw this for the first time last night as a preview to Twilight. I am so excited to see the movie! Twilight was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed it! I'll write more later... too sleepy.

Good and Bad Dreams

"The bugs can GET me!"

Ara woke up in the middle of the night and was scared of big ladybugs in her bed....

Last week sometime A, Ara, and I were waiting for a bus in the parking lot of the nearby shopping center. We were going to dinner so it was starting to get dark and the actual bus stop had a bunch of kind of scary people so we were sitting on the cement ledge of a lamp post. I happen to look at the ground and I see a big roach just shuffling along near my foot. I jumped up taking Ara with me. A looked down, saw the roach, and squished it with his shoe.. like it was nothing (and it is nothing to rational people). Ara, of course wanted to know what had happened and I told her it was a big lady bug and it wasn't scary. Clearly I wasn't fooling anyone, least of all her because now she is having bad dreams about terrifying giant lady bugs. She has my lips, my love of art, my interest in nature, and... my irrational fears.

So.. I suck.



Thanksgiving week

A has all of next week off of work and I have been planning elaborate family outings, dreaming of getting everything done around the house, and thinking of a nice Thanksgiving with just our family. I am thrilled that the holiday's are finally here. I get a chill every time I pass the Christmas tree lot on the corner. I am already evaluating all the corners of my tiny living room for Christmas tree worthiness. I want to teach Ara more Christmas songs, and paint ceramic ornaments! I am gushing.. but that is how much I love Christmas~

I have so much to be thankful for especially my little family; Ara and A are my life and cup runneth over with love for them both.

Just a Complaining Rant about Yukky Stuff

I'm going crazy. Pee rules my life.

The two may seem unrelated but believe me they are.

Warning: This is a potty training rant, if that grosses you out... don't have kids (or read this)!

Ara keeps tearing her diapers apart while she is in bed and the result is a giant mess of yukky diaper bits and (like this morning) pee soaked sheets, blankets, stuffed animals, and pillows.

Soooo... after bath/showers and breakfast I loaded up the stroller with the soiled bedding and Ara and I walked to the laundromat (and it's 87f today WTH). On the walk home I was feeling like my patience meter was completely depleted. Ara is 3 it's her job to do this to me but I feel like she can't even hear my voice, while I, on the other hand can hear nothing but her whining and demands. When we got home she proceeded to waste all the foam soap in the bathroom (one of her hobbies) and generally make me nuts while I made her bed and tried to get her ready to take her nap. Now I am sitting here and tallying up the total time I spent today cleaning up a pee mess. An hour cleaning up pee covered girl. 3 hours walking to and waiting for the laundromat and another 30 minutes at home re-making a bed and re-sweeping a floor. And now it's nap time (although mostly she is just sitting in there not sleeping) but the whole cycle will begin anew. When I get her up.. there will be a diaper mess on the floor and bedding that needs to be cleaned. I wonder how far off it will be until she can use the toilet at night instead of diapers.

In (semi)unrelated news, I want a Rumba! Actually if I am dreaming I will take a new car and a washing machine as well!

A has work related classes this week and he will be getting home early which makes me feel like I have re-enforcements coming to save me from the adorable, sweet, smart three year old that knows her mama so well she can make her crazyyyyy! Perspective. I need some! And ice cream. And a neck massage.

Ok I'm done whining for now :D

Ara @ the park with wall-e

Paper bag coloring book @ dagwood cafe

Wall-e

Big Thank You

A chance to say 'thank you' to service men and woman in the military. You don't have to support the politics involved to say thank you to those who are serving. Go write a quick note and it will be displayed on Thanksgiving, ensuring that everyone will have a quick message of appreciation on this holiday!

BIG THANK YOU PROJECT

Today has been long and it's only 5 pm now. This morning I needed to get out of the house so I called my Mom and we ate Japanese food and went to the park. I enjoyed sitting in the damp sand with Ara. Digging my toes in and making a tunnel under a sand mountain made me feel like a kid again. I enjoyed focusing on nothing more than the way sand falls from my hand. We stayed for what felt like a long time then as we were preparing to leave A called to say his Mom's car had broken down. So we rushed over there to save her. It felt better to be on the non-stranded side of that scenario for once. My Dad just picked Ara up to spend the evening while we go to rehearsal. She has been enjoying her time over there but it is taking it's toll on her sleep schedule. But that is what a rehearsal week is like, good but tiring. She is doing well with the potty training. I am still scared to take her places without the diaper though. She tends to get busy and have an accident pretty much anytime we aren't home. I know it will come, so far she has been setting the pace herself. I am proud of her!

Toilet Seat Necklace

The thoughts that bounce around an impulsive three year old's head are so incomprehensible! This morning Ara decided to push this toilet seat over her head and it got stuck. She panicked and flailed at me when ever I tried to get close to her. She kept pulling and pulling and hurting her little ears. She was working herself into quite a respectable hysteria when I decided I would have to intervene even if she didn't want me to. I had to pin her down on the couch (to stop her from kicking me). I tried different angles but in the end I had to resort to yanking it off of her poor little head. No lasting damage and HOPEFULLY she will think twice about putting toilet seats over her head in the future, but I doubt it. Even after yesterday's fall I have still had to put her in time out for jumping on the couch today.. twice.

Head Bonks

Is it contagious?
Concussions and head injuries are not contagious, although the risk-taking behavior that leads to them can be.

One little monkey (Ara) jumping on the bed (couch), she fell off and bonked her head.
Her Mama called the doctor and the doctor said, "no more Aras' jumping on the bed".

I had to look up concussion symptoms today after Ara hit her head on the tile and had an instant bump poking out of her soft curls. She was fine but it was a pretty bad "bonk" and I was worried. The quote is from the site I looked up for concussions I just thought it was a funny question.

YayDay

Today is a monumental day! Ara has decided she is potty trained! Yay!

My head hurts so I will write more tomorrow. Happy park pictures from today :)

Saturday and a Rant

Today was my favorite day of the week. My day of teaching where I get to leave the house alone for a few hours AND I get to play flute. Unfortunately I had a few set backs on this particular Saturday.. missed my bus, was an hour late, forgot my flute, last minute cancel from a student. Ah well.. next Saturday will be better... maybe...

I did want to talk a little about my voting experience. I have to admit that I really had no intention to vote in this election. I had planned to go on living in political ignorance and I planned to be perfectly happy about that. There were a few things that prodded me to care.. I have responsible and enthusiastic friends, several You Tube videos, TONS of facebook pressure, and my own conscience (finally.. I knew that thing would show up one day). As the day approached I began to wonder what I should do about Ara while I voted. I googled it and came accross a few articles that promoted taking children with you to the polls. I liked the idea of introducing Ara to the concept of voting and I liked the idea of being a good role model (for once). My Mom agreed to go with and keep her busy so it was decided and executed and all was well! I do have to take a moment to complain about the smoking. I know.. I complain about smoke fairly often but I just don't understand how it is that I had to gulp down clouds of smoke while waiting in line to vote. This issue has been making me crazy lately. Since I am now dependant on the charity of my friends and family and the wonder that is public transportation I have been smoked on quite a lot. I stoped asking my Mom for rides after she lit up in the car with my daughter in the back seat. I was outraged. Flashbacks of a second hand smoke filled childhood flashed before my eyes and I vowed to ride the bus so that I could keep Ara's life smoke free. My Sister has smoked in the car as well. The bus? Well of course, no one can smoke while ON the bus but it is impossible to breath clean air while waiting anywhere near a bus stop. It makes me angry. When I was in high school I wrote a manifesto outlining a plan to force all smokers to wear a bubble that would contain their air pollution. The could smoke and smoke and smoke but all of the pollution would be in their bubble. I planned to designate dumping stations outside of city limits where the bubble-head smokers could go to 'dump' thier smoke. I modeled the whole manifesto after something I had read... I can't remember what it was though.. something about babies that was awful but intended to shock and make a point. My daughter should have the right to breath non-tobacco air and when she is queen of America it shall be so....

Where was I?

Oh right.. voting. So I went, I voted, I got a sticker, and I felt pretty good about myself.

I tried to explain voting to Ara by telling her that this was a special way that I got to tell people what I thought was important. I asked her what was important to her and she said 'hippos, water, penguins' so there you have it. Enviroment issues and saving habitas for animals are close to Ara's heart!

Climb

Bus stop

TSO Just For Kids

On Saturday A and I took Ara to her first concert (being a musician, that is embarrassing). When we got there and I saw that they had a carpet area for the kids to sit and I began preparing for the worst. I was having flashbacks to story time at the library and Ara running around while I try to catch her and lots of my butt on display.

Before the concert there were a few older kids (probably siblings) wrestling on the ground. It was pretty benign stuff and probably common enough that the parents were ignoring it. Ara was riveted, she stood there starring. She has never played rough with other kids. To be honest it was probably the first time she was really seeing this sort of behavior. After a few moments she decided to join in... there were three kids piled on top of each other and Ara went up to them.. and pile-drivered them. She brought one of the kids to tears and all three of the boys jumped up so as to avoid further injury from her. Ara seemed pretty pleased with herself and not at all sorry. I rushed up to her and tried to explain that she had hurt the boy and she agreed to apologize but we couldn't find him again.

All in all this rocky start did nothing to assuage my trepidation. I picked a spot on the floor as the musicians came in and to my surprise Ara jumped into my lap. She sat quietly through the introductions and as the music started she put her arms around me. Ara was enthrolled. She listended intently and applauded enthusiastically. The perfect audience.

For about 15 minutes.

Then she asked me politely if she could go out, she had to use the bathroom.

So we did. Maybe next time we can stay for 16 mintues! I was so proud of her behavior and it was a good reminder for me to expect more because she is growing up each day.

I Hope You Wore a Belt.

Disclaimer: This turned into a wall-o-text about parenting. Well it's really just a stream of consciousness straight from the mind of a tired mama. This is more for me to read than boring the pants off of you so don't worry if you lose interest on the second sentence!

Ara and I are working on 'owning the problem' with her fits and there has been much improvement. I have been working on planning ahead so as to take advantage of her 'good' hours for boring errands and activities that require her to have patience. I am more decisive about consequences and (trying) to stick to the rules I lay down for her. Ideally if I am consistent she will have a better idea of what to expect when she does certain things. This is the part of parenting that is so hard.. no matter what misbehavior your kid is exhibiting.. it's probably YOUR fault. So, there you are... frustrated with the behavior and frustrated with yourself for not preventing it more effectively. I better clean up my act! I'm not actually suggesting that I can stop a 3 year old tantrum cycle.. I know better than that! But I have been able to significantly shorten them and squash them before they become giant blow-out-worse-day-of-my life fits. I have to remind myself that she is my first priority without giving her the impression that everything revolves around her. Oh the balance. I just get so focused on day to day things. Like.. doing the dishes, such an important task, I couldn't possible stop now and then to listen to her tell me about her ponies sisters and their adventures could I? Dishes can wait. Sweeping can wait. Spills can be cleaned. I can have patience and remember that everything else comes second to her. I have such a hard time MAKING her do things. Like.. walk past the swings and go to soccer practice. I was reading a chapter on cooperation and it was talking about the difference between obeying and cooperating. In many instances I have been thinking I was asking her to cooperate but really I was expecting her to obey. I think if I work harder at cooperating and directing her instead of trying to command I will see better results. She wants to be a helper but her instincts will always be to resist when she feels like I am being a dictator. I know it's a fine line.. several of my family members have chimed in about discipline. I am just not great with being a disciplinarian, it's not in my nature. However, I DO agree that I need to follow through with whatever consequence I have set up for her. So I need to put a little more thought into my threats if I want her to believe I am not full of crap. Haha. That's why my eyes are so BROWN! I am pretty notorious for saying, "Ara, if you act like that I will put your pony on restriction (which means I will take it away for the day)." Then I give her like 50,000,000 more tries before I actually do it. My parents spanked us when we were bad. Not much strategy there. Without the physical fall back plan I think parenting requires you to be more on your game. I won't ever hit her because I think it sends the wrong message. I read once that every decision you make as a parent should be in line with the kind of adult you want your child to grow into. What skills will I teach her to deal with the world when she is on her own? Through my words and actions I can either give her the self confidence and knowledge that she can solve any problem with patience and kindness or I can teach her that force is the answer and the strongest arm rules the world. I want her to know her own mind and to believe that her feelings and thoughts are valid and important. I want her to know she has the right to speak up. I want her to believe in the power of words and communication. It's a lot of pressure. When I think of the WEEKs we took to choose her name and now I have to make decisions that will effect her in a much more profound way. I just decided.. parenting is a hard job! Wow.

Halloween! I love this holiday. Which one don't I love though? I was planning on taking Ara to the YMCA in the morning dressed as a ballerina and then to the Children museum in the evening as James the Train. We didn't make it to the Y because I was up with her late the night before. She has tummy problems. I got her to sleep around 11:30pm but then I lay awake for HOURS worrying about her and hearing her wake up periodically. So we stayed home for the day. My Mom let me use her car to take Ara to the museum though which was a great relief! I was worrying about taking Ara on a bus that late and walking around in the dark with her. I know.. I am a wimp! But it just doesn't feel safe and I am nervous doing things like that alone. The museum was wonderful. Ara raced from room to room discovering and climbing and laughing. We painted, played trains, learned about sea life, played the drums, saw dinosaurs, and just generally had a dream of a night. Ara was well behaved and a real joy! When we left I let Ara have her one piece of Halloween candy. She was thrilled! I took lots of pictures but very few good pictures! It's a tough balance between participating and recording for posterity. You don't want to miss anything and you don't want to forget anything. Well I don't anyway. You only get one shot at these things... she will never have another Halloween as a three year old. Ahh the pressure. It was a great memory and I feel good knowing that Ara had a great time.

Let's Go To The Park!

Ara at the park today. Yesterdays Itty Bitty Soccer day was.. interesting. I am having a hard time convincing her that playing soccer is more fun that sliding or swinging on the playground. I don't want to force her to play soccer because then I can pretty much kiss that goodbye. So I tried all kinds of other tactics. I finally got her on the soccer field through the help of another Mom and her 3 year old son. They raced us over there and Ara was down with that. Once I had her in the practice she did nothing but twirl like a ballerina and completely ignore everything her coach asked her to do. Every drill they set up requires the kids to wait in line. Ara has NEVER waited in line. An oversight on my part, I'm sure daycare kids wait in line all the time. I tried to imagine practicing that at home with her. I imagined lining up the cat, Ara, and myself and then I laughed. We will try a few pretend games with her My Litte Ponies waiting in line for things I think. So back to soccer... Ara was perfecting her twirl-while-looking-at-the-sky move when she took a sudden dive face first into the dirt. She scraped up her forhead and check pretty dramatically. She hardly batted an eye lash over it though, she kept on moving. She eventually ran off to the playground about a 15 minutes before practice was over but since she had yet to even touch a ball I followed her across the park and cut myself a little slack. Her face wounds look pretty bad but she hasn't complained at all about them. I took her back to the same park today. My new plan is to overexpose the park so that it won't seem quite so exciting on soccer days... well SOME plan is better than no plan I suppose!