Radiator and Mud

Ara and I spent all day at my Dad's house today while he put a new radiator in our car. That car has so many things wrong with it now, I think we are just barely prolonging it's sad life. The radiator was still under warranty so it was free but you do get what you pay for I guess considering it is the same as the one that lasted only 2 years. My Dad worked out in the heat for a good 7 hours. He is relentless, never coming in for breaks or even food. He always says, "I'll eat later" when I ask. I look forward to some day buying a new car, my Dad won't have to fix.

I am taking Ara to something call "Mud Monster" tomorrow along with my nephew; Joey and my brother and his girlfriend. I remember going to it when I was a kid. Something like this stays in a kid's memory forever! Basically at the largest park in out city there will be huge mud pits and mud obstacle courses. You take your kids there dressed in their play clothes and actually let them play in thick mud that is about thigh high (this is remembered from a kids point of view). I invited my cousin and her kids as well. I won't have to tell Ara "no" when she wants to get dirty! How liberating. Just yesterday, walking through the grocery store parking lot Ara discovered jumping in puddles. I let her for a while but then became grossed out with the water and coaxed her inside the store. I'm excited, it's too bad it means waking up early on a Saturday morning! It's worth it though for the great pictures alone that will make her Mamah (Grandma) cringe and laugh :P

"Curiosity"

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Originally uploaded by fluteloop

I've sent out the invitations to her party, I already have the decorations (Elmo), Ara's aunt is taking care of the cake (last year mine was a tiny bit of a disaster), and I feel cautiously prepared! Ara's new favorite character is Nemo, the fish. She has a Nemo and a Dory bath toy that she has started carrying around with her. It's so cute, in the car she sits there pretending they are talking to each other and swimming. I have to remind myself to drive and not watch Ara in her beautiful pretend world. A and I have been talking over how we are going to work his new work schedule into my Fall teaching. We would both be gone until after 6 pm which is later than most Daycares will keep kids. Plus the idea of my Ara sitting in a school until that time breaks my heart. So, it is with much regret that I have decided to pass my East side studio on to another lucky teacher. I feel sad about this, but I feel good about being there for Ara. I will be teaching 1.5, maybe 2 days a week now. I don't know why that scares me. Letting go, making change. Giving up something I worked so hard to build. Trusting the students I have grown to love to another teacher.

I miss the days when emotions were simple.
One emotion please.
It seems I feel "torn" about everything.
I feel sad about giving up my studio.
I feel good about the decision.
I want to be home with my daughter.
I want to maintain my sense of self and do the things that fulfill me. Blah blah blah.

My train of thought just ran out of track.

Hopefully I will be seeing some of my old quintet this weekend before Brandon "Horn dog" (a reference to his instrument not what you were thinking!) moves out of state. Also, if Megan's life slows down a little I might get to hash out some Harry Potterisms over lunch! /happy

Oh a side note... I think Safeway has started offering delivery of groceries in my area! A didn't seem to excited about this.. but I am! You click, click, click and if you spend over $50 you get them delivered FREE! Also, if you order before 9:30 am they will deliver them the same day. This is pure genius at work. Don't call me lazy until you shop with a 2 year old. Now.. if I could con someone else into going to the laundromat I would be content.

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Originally uploaded by fluteloop

We gave Ara one of her Birthday presents early (because we are like kids on Christmas morning when it comes to making her smile). It was an Imaginarium train set and she absolutely LOVED it. We sat there with tears in our eyes watching her make train noises and "fix" the tracks. Yeah, this won't be her only Birthday gift you can be sure of that!

Ara at my Mom's

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Originally uploaded by fluteloop

We went over to my Mom's for her Birthday. I just love that she looks so relaxed and happy in this picture.

First Impressions of the Hallows

Spoiler Warning: DO NOT read if you have not finished the book!


Pre-order you Harry Potter... pft.

I didn't get my book until 5 pm on the 21st, a huge disappointment to me. I could have walzed down to Safeway when I woke up and had a copy faster.

Anyway, I read all Saturday and Sunday night when I could (after Ara was in bed) and I finished on Monday. Since I have finished I felt strangely reluctant to talk about the book. Right at the beginning of the book I was devastated by Hedwig's death. When it seemed like Hagrid would die as well... I almost put the book down. If J.K. had killed Hagrid right then I was prepared to walk away.

Too much!
Too soon!
I cried about Hedwig. I cried (a lot) about Dobby. By the time Fred died I felt numb about it. I was so afraid that the twins would be ripped apart and they were! I really wish that she had included George in the epilogue... how did he cope? Did he go on with the business? Did he have a family and name his son Fred? I feel like I need to read it again. A lot of my questions went unanswered and I have to admit I felt a little cheated with some of the cheap plot tricks J.K. used. The ever so convenient chat Deam and the Goblin had right outside the tent. The "chat" with Dumbledore in King's Cross. The fact that the fire was, gasp one of the substances that can destroy a horcrux. Ron imitating parsletongue. Lalala. It may sound like I didn't like the book. I did like the book though. It's just that we waited with such anticipation to know answers and we cared so much about the characters that it was a let down to be left with so many questions. I am, however so happy that Harry, Ron, and Hermione lived and that they went on to have full lives. It was nice that in the end it wasn't just some stroke of luck that saved Harry. Or, for that matter that he didn't seem to all-of-the-sudden be some super wizard. I still miss Hedwig though.

HP Movie

Movie Spoiler warning:

We saw the movie last night and I was (as always) so excited and I probably had unrealistic expectations. None the less I felt disappointed. I really felt they missed the mark with a lot of important plot points. The end I felt, really blew by the grief we see Harry going through after Sirius dies which is an important moment for Harry and for the plot of the book. Also, Dumbledore is like "Sup, yo. Did I mention you have to kill or be killed and that is your fate?" "P.s. this info is why your mom and dad died". Could that conversation have been more casual and unimportant? The other part that really bothered me was the dual (that spelling looks wrong). I will have to re-read the chapter but I have a much more confident and in-control Dumbledore in my memory. I also thought that they left out some very important dual "smack talk" moments. Like when Dumbledore calls Voldy "Tom" which seems to un-nerve him. And when D tells V that there are things worse than death. This sends the message to V that D KNOWs about the things that I can't spell that start with an H! I DID like Umbridge's character and especially her little "hem hem". I liked the DA scenes! Centaurs were nice and scary. Did not like the modifications in the story when the DA is ratted out. I missed the music most of all I think though. John Williams themes seem crucial to me and the movie felt strange without them. Also, no Hedwig at all!? Oh and I really wanted to see more of the pranks the twins pulled when they left school. Particularly the swamp! My favorite scene.. when Ron and Harmione are setting up to stun each other and Neville gives him that male solidarity look! I am super tired for some reason. I will look up the spelling tomorrow when I can see clearly again.

Mostly Harry

The picture is just a weird bug I saw on the side of our house.

I can't believe I let the opening of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix sneak up on me! I don't have tickets to see it on the day it opens and I am officially bummed. I probably won't get to see it until the weekend and that is only if I can find someone to watch my little tornado or a toddler. Truth be told I am more excited about the book on the 21st. I have had that ordered forever now and I can't wait. As soon as Ara goes to bed I will be curled up in bed with my book, my ipod, and a big glass of ice to chew on. Ice is my new best friend and yes I KNOW it's bad for my teeth. I am on day 8 of eating 0 carbs and I need the crunchy. Ice keeps my mind off of other yummy things. Something new to read will be lovely though. There is nothing like having a book you like to climb inside. I am just sad that this is the last one. It was nice to look forward to the newest HP all these years. The last one came out the summer I was super pregnant and I cried and cried through the last 2 chapters. I don't know if it was that I was overly emotional or if I am just a shmuck. I guess we will find out with this book. I've read some of the predictions about Harry surviving. A couple forum threads and an article on MSN. My own personal hope is that Harry does survive but I am afraid someone else good will die. I think maybe the Weasly twins will have an important role, they are brilliant, daring, and visible with their shop in Diagon Alley. I will be happy as long as the whole Weasly family, Harry, Hermione, and Hagrid (and Fang) live. I think we will find out that Snape really was acting on Dumbledore's orders when he killed him and that Dumbledore had some plan for such an event. He does seem to be tied to the Phoenix and the bird does have extraordinary powers where death is concerned. I am curious to see how Draco's part plays out because I think that he is mostly show and possible not as bad as he comes off. A lot of the predictions foresaw Harry's demise and I think I would just feel cheated if that happened. All this time we have been watching him grow and develop I hope it was not so that we could also see him die. I plan to read this series to Ara when she is 11 I hope I don't have to send a howler to J.K. after this book is released!

So I was emptying the trash from the car then I came inside and thought I need to take this trash out too. Then I thought.. I'm tired of trash. Everyday there is trash. Why do we have so much trash? What is in the trash? How can I reduce the amount of trash we have to throw into the garbage can and then into the landfills? I think this would be a good goal for me. Trashless in 2007! No, thats not catchy...

Tired Thoughts

I woke up at 8 am this morning and I was sweating it is that hot. So after we dropped A off at work Ara and I stopped off at Walmart to get her one of those floaties that have a little seat in them and some spray on sunblock. Then we were off to my Dad's house to swim. As soon as we entered the neighborhood Ara says, "Jojo Pweeez". So cute. We had a nice mid morning in the pool. The new foatie worked pretty well. It gave Ara a little freedom and it let her practice blowing bubbles and kicking her legs. She still get so frustrated that she can't move around the pool like Jojo. It won't be long though. For now she settles for constantly counting to three and watching me dunk myself in the water.

I am tired and already forgot why I was talking about the swimming. I think I had a cute story in mind...

On an unrelated topic we are being invaded by super-poison-resistant ants. The are EVERYWHERE. In the bed, clean clothes, living room, bedrooms, kitchen, cat food container... We have sprayed the outside and dropped those ant killer traps around but they march on and on and on. I will be so happy to NOT spend another summer in this house. Nononono!

This is my 4th day back on super duper torture diet. I am completely cutting out grains, fruits, sugar, and caffeine. It's hard and I am getting pretty sick of salad with no dressing. Yuk! It's the strangest thing I have been craving cake above all other carbolicious things. You never get to eat cake unless there is a party. I want cake! Cake would make me feel happy. Oh with a strawberry milkshake. And something chocolate.

Ara's Birthday is coming up and I'm so excited! I can't believe 2 years old already. I need to look around for a place to have the party. Last year was Peter Piper's land of super-loud-kids. I can't take that level of noise again. I think I'll order a cake this time, last years cake fiasco still burns in my memory!

I'm tired. I'm going to set my ipod to sleep in 30 minutes and fall asleep to some Harry I think.

Dinner out

 

"Ara, what does a frog say?"
"Bibbit"

"What does a kitty say?"
"Me-wow"

"What does a dog say?"
"Wuff wuff shlooop shloop (licking sound)"

"What does a cow say?"
"Moooooooooooooooo"

"What does an owl say?"
"Who whooo"

"What does Daddy say?"
"..."

Dream house

My Brother has offered to help me make a playhouse/sandbox for Ara. He made one for Joey a while back and Ara loved playing in it. His original design was a super simple box made of plywood. Since I want to make one for Ara now I've sort of made it a tad more complicated. For starters I want the floor to slide out so that there can be a sandbox underneath (protected from cats who like to pee in sand). Also I made the roof a slope instead of flat and it is made of UV blocking fabric to allow for more airflow. One side I will leave open so that it can also be a stage for singing and dancing. I plan to have a curtain on the open side as well for dramatic effect. And, yes we will be painting murals on it!

Ara is my laundry helper!

"What?! I am your laundry helper today?"

"Working hard pushing the laundry card around and making car noises"

"Pink milk break while we wait for the clothes to dry!"

Computer dumb.

KCAL did an undercover camera investigation to which computer repair places were incompetent/scammers. They took perfectly working computers and just disconnected the cable from the hard drive to the motherboard, then took the computers to different repair shops to see what they said.

The results were varied and shocking:

Best Buy: Said needed a new power supply
Circuit City: $59.99 "The jumper was set wrong"
COMPUsa: Charged $119.99, their minimum charge, but correctly diagnosed and fixed the problem
Fry's: $69.99, fixed all good
Torrence Computer Repair (local): Fixed, at no charge b/c it was so easy
BM (local)I: $275 due to "power short," as the "main board" and "hard drive" were "bad"

Link to the video

catch that toddler!

Ara has been testing her boundaries lately. In the library we were sitting down building block towers and she walks slowly around the corner and then when she is just out of sight of me she breaks into an all out run. I get up and realize she is running towards the doors and sprint towards her. She very nearly made it to the automatic doors. Mere feet from the parking lot. It freaks me out that she has such little fear and I am not all together sure how to deal with this behavior. I want her to stay near me not the other way around. She is so confident that I will follow and keep her safe. She runs from me giggling when I follow like we are playing chase. What do I do? After the library I did some thinking about how to handle it. Later that day we all went to Barnes and Nobles because I wanted to look up potty training books. Ara had her Daddy's hand and leading him around looking at the children's section. Then she drops his hand and runs like a mad woman again. He looked surprised which I was a little glad to see. At least it isn't just me! We both chased after her and after we caught her I took her straight outside the store. Once outside I put her down and bent down to talk to her face to face. I explained that when she ran away I felt worried. I offered her a choice to return to the store and stay by me or go home. It was text book parent class technique. She didn't get it at all. The look on her face plainly said she didn't understand the choice I was giving her. Since she didn't choose to stay near me we did go home. Great. Fail. The logic is there I suppose, every time she runs I will immediately leave the store we are in. In this instance, and I suspect in future instances this consequence will be more punishment for me than for Ara. We talked about other possible solutions. The only other we could come up with is the "kid leash". I WOULD feel more at peace using a leash somewhere where I felt it would be dangerous for her to be separated from me. Like the Mall or places where she could get to the street easily. My worry is that the leash teaches her nothing. I want her to understand the why.

On another topic it is time to start potty training. I have been dreading this stage because I really don't know where to start. We got her a toilet a while ago but she mostly uses it to play. She thinks it is entertaining to put toys into it and then close the lid. I looked at some books at the store (before I was forced to leave) and the advice seemed sound. I am not sure she is really really ready. We haven't been taking about the difference between wet and dry and she really doesn't seem to know when she is going. One of the books suggested making a routine and putting her on a toilet every 2 hours. I will try that.. I guess.

Great Expectations

I need to find a way to stop being mad about petty things. I get so disappointed when people don't live up to my expectations. When "A" does things that seem insensitive or thoughtless in my opinion it hurts my feelings and that is my problem. So what if he thinks of only himself when we have ants in the bed. Am I going to let that make me feel mad and wrinkle my eyebrows for days? Why? It's not like it will change the fact. So I think to myself that the problem is how I see the situation and how I deal with it. I have this expectation that "A" should think of my needs like I do his. He has a different expectations. We never really talked about how we saw a man and a woman's "role" when there were kids. All of the time that I worked and he didn't there was never any effort on his part to "take care" of me. To be honest I didn't really expect it myself. I never expected anyone to pack a lunch, cook a dinner, do my laundry, or clean the house for me. I thought we should do it all together. Now that the tables have turned and he is working and I am staying home with Ara I see that there is a double standard. Big time. There is just more expected of a woman. Everyone does it. Even me. So I see the expectations are there for me to be home with Ara and do ALL of the other household chores while juggling my teaching responsibilities and chaffering "A" to and from work. Is this a lot to ask? Sure. Can I do it? Damn right. But I can't go on feeling cheated. I constantly look at how unfair it is that the family responsibilities are split 80/20%. "A's" Mom actually told me once when I was mad that I should feel lucky that I have a man who is around. At the time it pissed me off more. I should just thank my lucky stars that a man stuck around and just be grateful I am not all alone. Ok so I suppose I should be thankful for that. The truth is that things could be so much worse. The truth is that I DO have it good. It seems all relative. We have been through hard times and still found a way to be happy with what we have. Then it seems, for me I have a hard time finding happiness when life is handing me flowers. Our relationship isn't perfect but I can't think of anyone who has a perfect relationship. So what do I want? What do I expect? When I know these things I think it will be easier to find acceptance within myself.

Ants and the jerk-face.

VENTING: Ants have invaded our house. They are coming up the shower drain, they are in the kitchen, they are in the living room, and they are in my bed. "A" discovered that sometime in the wee hours of the morning. So you know what he did? He took the blanket and slept on the couch, the only ant free zone and left me with no blanket in the ant bed. So I tried to go back to sleep after that but:
1. I was pissed off.
2. I was cold.
3. There were ants biting me.

I am sitting here still tired, still feeling like there are ants all over me (which is partially true), and still feeling pissed. I did get up sometime around 6 am and pull the covers off of happily sleeping jerkface. He was like, "the covers weren't even on you when I got up". I wonder why that is... COVER STEALER! Then he pulled the blanket back up to his chin and promptly started snoring. I am feeling really fed up.

Late night thoughts.

Ara's hair is long enough to put into a little ponytail! Her hair constantly surprises me. I would have never thought that I would have a little girl with ringlets. Curazzzzy. I told A that if other woman had know he had adorable, smart, curly headed kids in his genes he would have been hunted. Does that seem weird?

So all day today I felt nauseous but I don't feel "sick". I've been feeling not right for a week-ish now. I might actually consider a doctor visit if it doesn't improve, and I HATE doctors.

I am taking care of Alison and Charles's birds again, I think the birds have started regarding me as "the help". They won't even whistle with me now! Feathery snobs.

I want to start working out and eating healthier. I considered joining a gym and I made an appointment for a tour/workout but when I mentioned it to A it started a big 2 day fight. When would I go? How much is it? The only time I could go would be when A got off work and then he would have to put Ara down to bed alone. I guess it just won't work but I am sad. I know that I am doing what I want to be doing this summer. Staying home with Ara and teaching a minimal amount of students. But (you knew that was coming right?) I also feel the need to steal a little time to myself. For myself. I actually enjoy going to feed the birds because I get to be alone just for a bit. It is hard because A wants down time when he gets off of work and I totally get that. At the same time I want down time as well. Just 30 minutes to myself. Maybe I will just take a walk after Ara goes down, I don't like walking in the dark but if she goes to bed right at 8 I might have a little light left. I am also going to buy a workout DVD at Target or something. I have always thought those work-out balls looked cool and Ara might think it's fun to have exercise time during the day. It's something that is important to me. I want Ara to see me feeling good about myself and I want to model a health lifestyle.

If it wasn't for...

Not-So-Near-Death:

So today when it was time to pick up A from work I sent Ara in the living room to get the toys she wanted to take in the car and I decided to open the back door. Right there on the door step is the next door neighbors cat with her latest brood of kittens. Kuku (aka Chester) flies out the door through my legs and looks like he going to attack the closest kitten. Momma cat lunges at him, scary cat fight sounds ensue. I am yelling, although I don't realize it at the time. I grab a broom, separate them and push Kuku back into the house while blocking the mom cat from entering. I make sure that Kuku stays away from Ara since he is upset and unpredictable and I am thinking how glad I am that Ara wasn't right with me when I opened the door like she usually is. So we get on the road and right as we turn onto the main road it is immediately obvious that a big accident had just happened. From a distance I can see one car is on it's roof, and there are regular people trying to direct traffic away from all the cars and people in the middle of the road. I know it sounds selfish but my first thought was if those cats hadn't been there we would have been right here when this accident happened. We sat and waited for traffic while the distant sirens came closer and closer and I started to wonder about the random things that happen that maybe aren't so random.


On a lighter note:

Ara walks into the kitchen straight over to the cabinet that usually has a the "impossible-for-anyone-to-open" child lock on it. She reaches in, grabs the open bag of tortilla chips like thats what she came for and promptly dumps it on the floor. Then she bends down and daintily picks one chip off the pile and takes a tiny bite out of it as she walks past me back to the living room. I felt like I was in a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. To top it all off Kuku was waiting under the table and before I could get it cleaned up he snagged a chip too. All I can do is throw up my hands and eat a chip.

Oh is that what those are called?

Ara can do a somersault! I was like elated when I saw her do a couple last night and then A says "Oh is that what those are called? She has been able to do that for a while". On the one hand I never knew anyone who didn't know what a somersault was and it's cute that he didn't. On the other, I think that's huge and I wish he had told me! Anyway, we had this conversation and I ask Ara in an annoyingly happy Mommy voice to come do more and she shakes her pretty head of curls and says "no". So, no one is as excited as me but I thought I would share it anyway! I have been getting to spend lots of mommy-baby time this week since I am teaching only Tuesday and Wednesday for the rest of May. It has been great. We have been tending our flowers outside, swimming in the kiddy pool, tomorrow we are going to go to target and probably story-time at the library. Ara, Kuku (the cat), and I all nap at the same time! It's a special time.

Reflections

I just watched the series finale of Gilmore Girls. Rory graduates and then leaves her Mom to start her career as a journalist. I cried like a baby the whole time. I've been really trigger happy with the crying lately. I'll cry at cute commercials, I cried during a re-run of CSI Miami, I cry over the news channel (don't even know what it's called) when I am channel surfing. After my show was over I had this light bulb moment; I'm really emotional lately. lol. I've been sort of thinking about how differently I used to process things emotionally when I was younger. I examined the details less I think. I would just be working towards something without thinking "wow I am really working hard towards this goal that I have clearly in my mind". Now, it's like I can't really stick to things and be consistent. I have been really stressed lately and I have some big decisions to make and summer is coming with a whole different schedule. Maybe I am just feeling overwhelmed. Or maybe that is all part of life and I am not keeping up as well as I should. I don't know. It's not like everything is falling apart or I am unhappy. It's just when I have a moment of silence to think I feel troubled or perturbed is a better word maybe. I wake up early in the morning and then I can't go back to sleep. My mind sort of races about nothing in particular. Scenes from movies and shows I wish I could forget float back to me. Just in general not significant thoughts just thoughts I don't really want to think. At night I have to listen to my ipod to fall asleep. It helps me not to think. I put on a podcast or my trusty audio Harry Potter and then drift off. Well I thought it might help me to identify the problem if I wrote about it.

Ara and I went to Walmart and bought a kiddie pool today and I "tried" to set it up in our patio. We have a pretty small little walled in patio with no lawn so it doesn't quite work. We had fun anyway sitting in the partially falling down pool. We splashed and laughed. Ara loves to lay on her tummy and blow bubbles. I like to live the life of a kid again. Sitting in the early afternoon sun, watching the water sparkle as we throw it in the air. Noticing how rocks change color when you get them wet. It makes me feel... content and happy and simple. It's nice.

Caution content includes pictures of an adorable nature.

Ara and I spent the morning at the park. I borrowed my sister's camera to try to get a good shot of Ara to turn into a Mother's Day card for her Grandmas'. I got some cute looks but nothing that had the correct part in focus lol so I will have to try again.

All Smiles

Out and about with Mommy and Daddy. We are relishing some much needed R&R after last weeks crazy schedule.

Ara spend Sunday with her Aunt Debbie and her Cousin Brittany. She had a great time playing in their back yard and coloring on a aqua-doodle mat they got for her. A brilliant invention that uses a pen filled with water and a special mat that turns blue when wet. Now she can color on the carpet and I can relax (we have had many unfortunate incidents with crayons and markers). They also had new clothes to give her from her Aunt Angela, including the shirt she has on in this picture. And a travel Aqua-Doodle and a Nemo book that lights up and sings, and... well you get the picture. I attended a "Sister's Day" celebration last night hosted by my cousins at a dessert shop. All the woman in my family (well most anyway) were there. I decided to cheat on my diet to try tiramisu, I've always heard such yummy things about it and well I wanted something decadent. Unfortunately, it turns out I do not like tiramisu, which is strange because there are very few sweet things I don't enjoy. It was a long day and "phew" is all I have to say.

Hooters!

This little guy is one of four baby Great Horned Owls living right outside the window of the church we performed in today. The adult owls apparently adopted this nest back in 1982 and have been raising their family there ever since. The church protects the nest and people actually come from around Arizona to view the birds. The momma owl was perched within eye site of this fuzzy guy ready to strike with her sharp talons and beak if she anything threatened the safety of her nest. In fact one year a woman threatened to sue the church after "their" owl attacked her cat. A Great Horned Owl can prey upon animals larger than itself including skunks, porcupines, an even domestic dogs and cats. This window was the backdrop for my orchestra today and an audience member told me they could see the inquisitive face of this owl peeking at us during the performance. I tool a bunch of pictures to show Ara, she would have been glued to the window if she had been there!

The concert had it's ups and downs today. The Copland is just 13 players and was by far the most difficult in terms of ensemble awareness. I think it was good for us and I have to admit I have a general Copland aversion but after really living with this piece I started to feel the music in it. I've always heard Copland beautifully portrays the "new American Frontier" but that never really meant anything to me, it never connected to any emotions. So I did some research (read the liner notes of a CD) and found some concepts I could identify with. Courage, energy, reflection. I began to understand more... to see that image of the sun rising over the trees with a soft morning fog, the promise and mystery of the unknown, even maybe the slight sadness of leaving behind the familiar. I enjoyed the experience and the challenge. I really miss playing chamber music full time. I miss my old wind quintet. The music store I teach at is closing and I am at a crossroads. Do I continue teaching my diminishing studio or do I look at changing careers? Will I be able to tell Ara she can follow her dreams and make a living?

Play it Again

This is a concert week for my chamber orchestra. Concert weeks practically mean Ara has to move out. We have night rehearsals until 10 pm and Ara's bedtime is 7:30 pm. Tonight, though my nice brother and his girlfriend came over and hung out while we were at rehearsal. We put Ara down early and she slept like an angel the entire time. If only we could do that every time. I made a big batch of beans (mother-in-law's recipe) so we could feed everyone tostadas and they actually came out good! I'm excited, these beans are like my m-i-l's speciality and she has tried to show me how to make them twice now. 'A' even said they were good and he is the pickiest man alive. I talked to an old friend on the phone today, she re-found me through my website and emailed me. We were roommates for a year and then housemates for another maybe 2 years I think. It's so nice to hear her voice and know she is doing well. We hope to meet up one of these days, she is living in phoenix now so it's a bit of a drive. I can't wait for her to meet Ara.

Playing-wise I've been feeling a slight lack of confidence. I have been analyzing my vibrato and reminding myself to play the phrase. We used to have this joke back in school that I was a good player as long as I never "took apart the TV". Here I am taking it apart though and I still can't say that is a good thing. It can be challenging to teach something you take for granted. When I feel that disconnect between the music and my feelings I go through this frustrating cycle. I need to know why I get stuck in these ruts and how I can get out of them. I used to keep a playing diary (shut-up I'm a nerd) where I would write down the measure/piece/concept that I was struggling with. So that is what I am starting here. You don't like it? Me neither, lets hope it passes.

P.S. I am sick and tired of sentences that require commas and apostrophes.

Penguins and Pandas

Monterey Bay Aquarium Penguin Cam

San Diego Zoo Panda Cam

Ara and I have been looking online at animal web cams. Looking at the animals in real time is so fun and Ara likes to look for them when they go off camera or when they hide behind trees. Plus I think pandas' are super cute!

1 2 3 4

Ara has been counting everything! I asked her this morning what four favorite things are and she sat in my lap talking and laughing. She told me #1 coloring #2 birds #3 balls #4 dancing. For lunch we had my interpretation on corn dogs. I make a corn bread mix, add hot dogs and corn, pour it all into a mini muffin pan and bake for 10 minutes. Ara loves it. They are just the right size and warm cornbread is yummy! Tomorrow I have orchestra rehearsal and A is teaching so Ara will be spending the morning at her Grandpa's house with Joey, Victor, and Kali. She is always excited to go over there now and when we pick her up she is beyond exhausted! I better go, I need to leave for work in 10 minutes and all I've done so far is shower!

Mommy baby TV time

Ok, I have a confession. Since Ara was a new born I have been watching Gilmore Girls with her. We call it "Mommy baby TV time". I'ts a nice escape from reality into a world of happy people who talk fast. Unfortunately, I usually miss the show now because of my teaching schedule. So one night I was updating my ipod and I found a podcast about my show! Woot! It's a really well produced podcast done by this young sounding married couple and it's as charming as the show. If you want to be a nerd like me you can check them out here. After discovering this podcast and one other about the game I play, FFXI I started searching for more. I have always loved listening to talk while I'm driving or falling asleep. Like putting on a movie but leaving the TV off and just hearing the dialouge. Or books on CD! I love those! When I was in school I had this lame data entry job so I recorded the sound of my favorite movies and listened to them at work. Wow, when I tell Ara that she is going to be amazed at how I lived in a pre iWorld isn't she? I'm trying to stay on topic, I really am. So... Podcasts, nifty and free. Now I want to do a podcast but we all know that would end up being the all Ara all the time podcast and no one wants to hear that!

Singing in the Car!

La la la! My little musician singing in the car on the long trip home from Grandpa's house. That violin in her hand is actually something my Sister bought for Joey and when Ara became attached to it.. well it suffices to say she was amused. It actually plays about 5 different songs in the most awful sounding impression of a beginning violinist. In order to make the songs play though you have to press on the strings, when they connect with each other the songs play.

That is how it would work in theory anyway.

In it's current state however, the strings get stuck together and it just sounds one high pitched note incessantly.

That's what it is doing in this picture.

One note.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Ara sings along at the top of her lungs and especially enjoys it when Momma and Daddy do as well. So here we are driving along all singing one note like we are some sort of malfunctioning egg timer. The trip takes about an hour. That's right an hour. Mercifully Ara fell asleep about 20 minutes in but we we're afraid if we reached back and stopped the violin from playing she would wake up. Ah, the sacrifices we make for our little ones.

blip

I haven't posted in a long time. There are a few reasons for this. One, I ran out of web space! Two, I haven't made it a priority. Three, Blogger never wants to cooperate with me. I may move my blog back over to Blogger's site if I can't manage to delete enough junk.

I think it has been 4 years now that my web hosting and domain name have been donated to me by a very kind woman I met online years ago in chat. Her chat name was Dragongirl and we were both very active in a computer help chat room on MSN. It was through that chat room that I became interested in graphic and web design. My domain expires in April and I don't want one of those seedy looking ad companies to buy my name and plaster it with advertisements. That happened with the other domain I helped to administrate PCHConline.com when we decided not to renew. I hope I can figure out how to switch it over to me and pay it before that happens. I would be so sad to see fluteloop.com belong to someone else. It has been so much fun to learn and express myself through this site.

Recently, Fun and I have been working on a forum for the group of people we play ffxi with. I was really reluctant to even open Photoshop after such a long hiatus but I have found it to be just what I needed. Along those lines I am considering a change in career. I have been toying with the idea of going back to school to get a digital arts certificate or something along those lines. I want to put some good thought and research into this move though, because I do not need a useless degree with no actual job potential.

Beep beep

Angel

Angel, passed Friday November 17, 2006. In her youth she was a terror. Small in stature but a bully none the less! She always wanted to sleep curled up under my chin so that I would breath fur. Ara loved her because she tolerated her 'petting' and love. I miss her.

Sweet Pea

What is Wierd About You/Myspace Rant

I have always had an issue with using a dish from the dish rack. I guess I feel like it was too recently dirty. Or, you know when you really need a fork, but they are all dirty so you wash one really fast. Yeah, I have a really hard time with that too.
If it's still wet.. ick.
If you dried it with a dish towel.. ick.

There I feel better now.

Speaking of things that bother me though. Myspace.com. Every single time I naively look at at a myspace page I am amazed. What makes people think that some hideous, busy, and distracting picture is a good background? Hello, we can't even read your text! Also, don't put music on your site. Please. I mean paleeeeeeeeease. I don't want to hear some low quality, slow loading, music that is not of my choosing. Then there is the issue where all your friends THINK they know their myspace address and yet mysteriously it takes 30 minutes of searching myspace and then google because myspace search sucks to locate the page. I think they do that on purpose to keep you on myspace longer. And last but certainly not least, once you finally find the page you are looking for, you can't actually view anything unless you sign up. Brilliant. Annoying.

I play an online game, ffxi and it seems like everyone you meet has a myspace. It's part of our culture now despite my feelings. Like the Ipod, blogging, IMing, and the use of 'lol'. I will never escape it. I don't feel however that, that is any reason to stop ranting about it!

One side note though, parents for the love of god supervise your children online. It is scary how many teens are online begging for someone to pay attention to them. You may not realize it, but there is some freak on the internet who does.

She is small, and very funny.

In perspective Ara is very small, but look through my eyes and her face fills my vision. I was trying to teach her about kisses today and by the her bath time she kept offering me her 'My Little Pony" to kiss and giggling. My persistence paid off though because as I carried her to bed she gave me 7 kisses! Her birthday is in 12 days now and I am feeling so nostalgic about last year and how I can't believe it's been a year, and how she has grown so much. Today, she was entertaining herself by standing at the coffee table and driving a toy car back and forth. She even makes the car sounds, so ferociously so that she drools like a mad woman. I sat watching her play and every once in a while she would look up at me and smile. She doesn't find it odd that her Mother stares at her all the time! We took a walk downtown today since it was pretty mild summer weather. I felt on top of the world strolling along with my girl. We stopped in some of the shops, we shared an organic fruit pop from the CoOp, we got Joey a 250 year old salt rock from the Himalayas (don't ask), and Ara toppled a book display in the charming book store. Good times!

My Toddler!

Ara started walking last Sunday 7.16.06. She just stood up in the middle of the room and took 4 of the smallest little steps. We watching in silence, with our eyes welling up with tears. She is usually pretty cautious and fairly graceful considering she is so new. Her birthday party is all planned and I am so excited. I am even going to try to bake the cake lol! I already got 3 cake mixes, the extras are for an error margin!

P.S. Hugs to Chris and Audra. Chris you stay safe and come back.

Update on the craving

I just realized what I'm craving.. I haven't had one in a REALLY long time, like years. It's a grilled chicken sandwich from McDonalds, with a ton of that honey mustard you have to ask for. Oh and french fries. Ohhhh the starchy, crispy, carbo-licious goodness.

~I need something to read.

I just finished reading the entire Harry Potter series again. I read the Half Blood Prince last summer for the first time (while pregnant) and I missed a lot of the details. I think I read to fast the first time. Anyway, now I'm sort of at a loss for what to read. I was thinking of re-reading Under a Tuscan Sun, but I feel stuck in a rut re-reading books all the time. That is exactly what I read last summer. Of course, I read MANY books about parenting and child development but what I need is an "unwind" book. So I have been sitting here trying to think of my favorite authors.. which is very non-adventurous of me. I do LOVE Kinsolver and I never did read the Poisonwood Bible, but I don't feel drawn to it.

I am just rambling

in text

for people to read

and somehow that seems ironic to me.

I'm craving.. something. It's the kind of craving where you can almost smell what you want. Some sort of salty-crunchy maybe. Wish I could eat salty-crunchy...

Rymi and Ohm

Yesterday, Fun and I met our first online friends ever. Needless to say we were nervous! They drove down from Phoenix and we had a late lunch and then went.. roller skating! We had fun, they were normal and all was good! I just hope they thought WE were normal...

Fish!

A few days ago Ara started looking up at the fish tank and saying quietly, "shhhh".

At the grocery store we stopped to look at the lobsters in a tank and she tells me,
"Mam (a combination of Mom and Mama I think) F-shhhhh".

Today we were in the pool and I told her she was a fish.

Now when I make a swimming motion with my arms we both laugh and say, "F-shhhh".

She is my secret joy.

Control. Do you need it?

Control Our Junk.com! Hilarious-satisfying waste of your time. You can control the.. junk remotely from your computer. My Brother actually found the site.


Since we are on the subject of webcams. Yesterday I had Ara on my lap and I was looking for pictures of zoo animals to show her. I stumbled across the San Diego Zoo cams. We watched the elephant and panda bears. Once again the internet brings far away things close!

Ara and I have been swimming, and I am LOVING watching her learn about things that float, kicking her legs, using her arms to move the water to bring things closer. You cannot help but be effected by her curious and optimistic view of the world. Motherhood is beautiful.

Multi-tasking

I recently had the realization that I am ALWAYs multi-tasking.

I'm driving in the car --I'm raising a child.

Buying groceries --I'm raising a child.

Taking a shower --I'm raising a child.

I never do anything without Ara on my mind. I am so different from myself a year ago I am unrecognizable. I would have laughed my ass off if someone told me I would be feeling like a regimented schedule is awesome someday. Or that I would NOT think that 7 AM is freakishly early. I guess it really just says a lot about me that I didn't think Motherhood would change me so completely. I was naive in thinking that Ara would live my life, I pictured us hanging out at Barnes with cutesy baby in the stroller napping happily. I thought of us hiking with her in one of those backpacks. Us in fancy restaurants with our angel in the car seat making happy coo- noises. Not to say that we don't do those things but our life is definitely much more Ara-oriented! I cringe when I think of taking her out before her afternoon nap. I fume over people who set appointment in the middle of Ara's lunchtime.

And, do not even THINK of making noise while she is sleeping unless you would like to incur my wrath!

Ara Update:

• She is almost ready to walk. If you turn her toy box over she pushes it around like a shopping cart.

• She is SIGNING back! I swell with pride and love every time she does the sign for milk or tells me she is hungry.

• She is talking more and more and responds with signs. Kitty, Dada, Mom, Bam-pa (Grandpa), Ja ja (cousin Joey), Ba-na-na.

• She imitates talking on the phone with any toy that even remotely resembles one. Or when the real phone rings.

• She played with the big kids in the McD's Playplace (see picture)!

Peaches for free!

All this time I've been slicing an dicing every piece of fruit so tiny and it turns out she loves nothing more than a pealed whole peach. This is the picture of happiness! Ara went to her ped today, she has pink eye. I have NO idea how she came into contact with pink eye except maybe when we went to the library yesterday. Anyway, her little eyes are so puffy and goopy. She doesn't let it slow her down though!

My feelings for the day: Relief that it's over!

Goodnight!

Araness

There was a moment today when Ara caught my gaze and looked straight into my eyes for what seemed like a minute. As I looked into those dark dark brown eyes I was almost startled by her depth. I see such intelligence, curiosity, and love inside those eyes.

Ara has been sort of complaining lately as she crawls/cruises in the living room. She really wants to explore and finds her safety zone boring. I hate having to constantly bring her back when she crawls away. I don't want to discourage her, so I started trying to think of different ways to engage her mind. We got her some giant Crayons and a piece of paper and she was SO excited. I actually have Ara's first artistic expression in my hand. I have also been trying to change my tone of voice when I say "aht aht aht" to stop her from eating the crayons. I can't understand, I am doing everything the "child experts" say to do and my baby thinks it's really funny! She laughs and laughs. She even holds the crayon near her mouth and looks at me expectantly!

Cut and Paste Thoughts

Book: Goblet of Fire (yes again)

Activity: Playing FFXI tonight. BLM Ka-Boom. We recently reactivated our characters since we stopped playing a while ago. Not our old old characters though, sadly.

Music: Evanescence, I haven't listed to them in forever (so don't call me an emo).

Karma: So this lady sat in a chair next to me in class, picked up my pencil and kept it. The next day, one of my students gave me a gift; a pack of pencils, pens, and super cool highlighter post-it pens. Lose a pencil, gain many pencils!

On my Mind: I should make a To-Do list because I feel like I have a lot to do! What kind of people stick random bumper stickers on their cars? I saw a van today that read, "It's all about me" and "If you don't like abortion, don't have one" you do have to wonder.

Araness: Little wonder girl was in a kind of quiet mood today. Her Daddy has been working more so she wanted to be close to me all day, and I have NO objections to Ara-love. Head-hugs galore! She is cruising now, and even trying to stand without support.

TO DO:
Upload Ara pictures to Yahoo and have them printed
Have a set of pictures sent to CA grandma
Call Thursday student
Think about summer teaching day
Read chapter in child development book
Look at other child development books
Grocery store!
Get Ara a new toy box

Parenting Class :: Now go to your room!

We have our second session of our Parenting Class tomorrow night. At our first class last week we learned about the 3 basic styles of parenting.
1. Authorative
2. Permissive
3. Democratic
We discussed each style and it was clear that we were supposed to come to the conclusion that Democratic is the way to be. We did actually agree with that conclusion so that was convenient. Democratic parenting involves giving your child choices, which can be challenging. I do like the ultimate goal though, and that is to instill in your child a sense of worth and belonging. Parenting is a daunting task. I am so glad we are taking this class because it seems like consistency is the key to everything and we should start from the very beginning. It's strange, the more you are a parent the more you think about how you are a daughter. My own experiences from childhood keep popping up in my mind and I seem to see them from a completely different perspective. Anyway, we asked so many questions in class that the other students started to make fun of us! At the end of class the teacher asked each of us to talk about something we had learned. One guy said that he learned that new parents ask a lot of questions! Pfft. At the end of this 6 week class we will be getting a certificate. I will be a certified Mom. Woot.

Diet Update: Damn these strawberries are good (snaking on strawberries while I type). I am feeling much more energetic today! It is amazing how sugar, carbs, and caffeine can fool you into thinking you have energy. With sleep, water, and healthy food I feel like a semi-new person! I will feel much MUCH better though when I can fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans.

Ara Update: The girl is on the move! Today Fun supported her as she walked across the room to me. She still drags her feet and no way does she have the balance to stand on her own yet but she looks damn cute! We had to buy her a playpen today because she is so fast we were starting to worry. It is a very cool playpen though and she seems to think its fun. It has a little zipper door that you can open so she can roam in and out until you need to close it up. It has a canopy that is all mesh so you can even take it outside and spare her mosquito bites! What did people do before all of these nifty and convenient inventions? She is doing this new thing where she puts one hand on her head and says, "ha". We think she is mimicking talking on the phone! She says the "ha" if you say "hi" so we are pretty sure that's what she is saying. So far we have identified Kitty, Joey, Em, Mom, Dada, and Bampa (grandpa). She also seems like MAYBE she is using the sign for food, although she uses it sometimes just to signal that she wants something not necessarily food.

And so the endless chasing begins! Ara is like a wind-up-toy now; you have to constantly take her back to a starting point so she doesn't get too far out of range. We even got out this giant tent-like fort that Joey has and she squealed with joy as she crawled through it. Ara is ecstatic to finally be mobile (translation: follow Joey). I will post the tent photos soon, I took them on my sister's camera and I haven’t transferred them here yet. I have been making all of Ara's finger foods and she has decided (to my delight) that she would just rather eat that than the jars of baby food. I'm so flattered! No one has ever liked my cooking before. I do wonder though what to do, as I stare at the cupboard FILLED with jars of baby food.

I'm feeling really lethargic, I have been going hard core on the diet and I think it is just the adjustment period. I had gotten used to carbs, and I am craving something sweet so much! Plus Ara is all of the sudden so much faster than she used to be! I went to the birth center for a routine exam and I was really surprised how emotional I was. I was flooded with memories, good memories. I have such a warm spot in my heart for that place and the women who work there (sorry I've never seen a male working there). The midwives and nurses are the most caring people you can ever hope to come across in the health industry. I can't say enough about them, I hope someday the world will suddenly change and money hungry no heart hospitals and insurance companies will look to places like the Birth and Woman's Health Center for inspiration.

And... I'm tired and rambling. Goodnight! 

"I think the only reason I never lost my mind is that I knew I was innocent. That wasn't a happy thought, so the dementors couldn't suck it out of me..."

~SiriusBlack

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Caution Child at Play!

Ara crawled today! She has been getting around by scooching, rolling, and turning but today she got up on her hands and knees and zoooomed across the living room! I felt the tears well up and Bard looked at me and said, " You sound sad! She is going to think you're sad!". I only cry because I'm so proud and well... it seems like she is growing up so fast! On a less happy note, Ara still hasn't really shaken the cold that she has had for about 2 weeks (we took her to see her ped last week and they checked for strep throat). She went to her well-baby visit today and the doctor wants to have her lungs X-rayed to check for any repertory infections. Everything else about her visit was positive though. She is in the 75.90 percentile, she weighs 20.1 pounds, and is 28 inches tall. I love that you can say her height in inches! Unfortunately she had to get 3 immunization shots today even though she was already feeling sick. That made for an hard day for her, but she tries hard to keep a smile on her face. I told her that for Mother's Day I would like her to feel better and get lots of rest lol!

Is it on me?? I think it's on me!!

Early this morning (4 AM) I was ripped from a deep sleep by a strange scratchy noise. I had fallen asleep on the couch so I laid there listening, trying to pinpoint the source. It was almost like the sound of a hard drive working hard so I got up and walked over to TomPuter, nothing. I turned towards the torch lamp I had left on, nope. Then I realize... it's coming from the trash right next to the lamp. The trash is empty except for a few chile saladito seeds, a candy wrapper and... a COCKROACH! Oh you didn't know? I have a paralyzing fear of roaches (and snakes). I stood there horrified. What should I do? The bug was trying to climb up the side but apparently couldn't get a grip on the plastic liner. It was helpless, and yet I was frozen with fear. My mind was racing, my skin was crawling, and the bug... well he was relentlessly trying to climb with his disgusting little legs. I wanted to wake up Bard, instead I called my cat, Chester. Kuku (AKA Chester) immediately heard the scratching when he entered the room. He crouched down looking excited. I grabbed him up because I was suddenly afraid he would knock the trash over and the bug would be free! In my mind a sad little plan was forming. Using a big black trash bag I covered the top of the trash can, turned it over, and used a twisty tie to close it. Then holding the bag at arms length in front of me like a bomb I ran to the back door, opened it, and threw the bag, trash can, and roach as far as I could. It was a metal can so it hit the cement with a sound like a gun. I slammed the door and then pleaded with Kuku to sleep with me to watchout for more bugs. So now I need a new trash can... and to never see another roach as long as I live! ICK! Also... if someone could please pick up the trash bag outside my back door, it would be greatly appreciated.

....

::Ara Update::

"I have a name!"
Yesterday morning I came into the kitchen where Ara was having her breakfast and like she always does when she spots me, Ara stops, and stares at me expectantly. Unlike an adult Ara looks you straight in the eye, reading you, she tries to keep her face neutral but you can see the smile that is waiting to burst forth. She looked like she was willing me to come to her! I bent down to kiss (and smell) her head and she turned to me and said very seriously, "Mom". Bard, my sister, and I all drew in breath and waited. Still looking at me she says, "Mama" and then as we are all starting to cheer she says, "Mom" one more time! I have a name! Woo hoo! She called me Mom a few times today and she doesn't seem to think it is extraordinary but it makes my heart skip a beat everytime.

....

"Yam Yum"
I made Ara Yams today, and she loves them. So much so that she painted her entire face, highchair, and everyone within arm reach with them. We also gave her a rice cake for the first time and she had a blast. Bard was making fun of me today for my strange interest in making babyfood since I am known for burning water.

....

"Rolly Polly baby"
It's amazing how fast she is growing, I think we can almost officially say she is crawling. She still doesn't have the hands and knee thing completely down but she can pivot, roll, backwards crawl, and lunge to get where she is going. She seems really focused on pulling herself up with furniture, maybe she thinks crawling if for the dogs and she would prefer to skip ahead to cruising.

Smokey smokersons moved in.

New people moved into the townhouse that connects to ours and I have to say we have definitely had better neighbors. For one thing, they smoke like (insert analogy here) and it sounds like they enjoy a good game of "Slam your body against the wall". I think I am particularly sensitive about the smoke issue because growing up I didn't have a choice about breathing smoke. Everyone in my family smokes except for me and it was something I had to deal with. I am sorry to all of you smokers out there... It's nothing against you personally. Just that you have chosen an activity that really stinks up the air! In short, you're stinky! Ok, ok I'll stop before I get too many hate e-mails. I happen to like a good deal of people who smoke and I'm sure they could complain about something I do that er.. stinks as well.

Ara Update:

• I can't get over how cute she is when she is trying to crawl. Cute cute cute.
• She holds her breath when she is trying really hard to get her butt in the
  air.
• She has adopted a cute stuffed kitty as her favorite toy. She chews on
  it, talks to it, and hugs it when she is sleepy.
• She has recently discovered she has a tongue. She likes to stick it out and roll it around in her mouth. She also loves to play with other people's tongues!

Me update:

• I am tired! It's 11 PM and I should have gone to bed an hour ago.
  
• I played Final Fantasy for about an hour tonight. I suddenly felt like doing something that was completely unrelated to real life!
  
• This is a crazy week and I am already wishing it was over.
  
• I have been thinking a lot lately about starting a graphic design certificate program. I think I will look into a summer class.
  
• I was doing pretty good on my diet until today. I went all day without eating and then had drive through hell on the way to work.
  

:(

Today marks a week since Ara and I are no longer breastfeeding. I feel a lot of sadness about this. We have been through some stressful times the past 3 months and my milk supply wasn't keeping up with her growing demand. I tried, I really did. I don't want regret or sadness to cloud my beautiful memories. Ara was exclusively BF until she was 6 months and I should feel proud about that and stop dwelling on the fact that the experts say 1 year. It is a personal issue. The most personal issue I can think of. Ara pretty much weaned herself, she wanted more milk and the bottles have a faster flow. I am so grateful that I was able to give my little girl the best start possible. I had a lot of support from Bard, the Birth Center, and my Mom and I needed it to get through the difficult beginnings. I am going to lift my head and look forward to all of the wonderful stages that are to come. I am! It's crazy I almost feel like I am saying goodbye to a good friend... I have read all of these articles on how to make weaning easier on your baby, and it turns out I am the one who needed weaning support. My daughter is not afraid of change, she knows she is loved, and she has an unbreakable spirit! Ok, I tried but I still feel sad. I guess I need more time. Thanks for listening.

Matrix and Legos

We just finished watching the last Matrix again. One of the best things that can be said for that movie is that it gives you plenty to complain about when it's over. Oh and go go Will Smith's wife!

---

Ara was a super cutie today. She does this thing where she puts her forehead on yours and moves her head back and forth. I don't know where she got that but she has done it since she was probably 4 months. Anyway, she was giving out lots of Ara head-hugs (as we call them), and she was all smiles and giggles. She seems to be feeling a lot better, her appetite is back, her nose is less... drippy, and she is back to crawling/wiggling around. I haven't really gotten a chance to rest yet so I'm still feeling blah.

---

We got her this gigantic bin full of really gigantic legos at Walmart. She has been fascinated with Joey's regular legos so it seemed like a good buy. First thing she did was dump out the legos and play with the plastic bin. There you have it. We should have just gotten her a rubber maid box. I had fun building with them though!

Mom 101 :: NAP TIME

10:01 AM I put Ara in her crib for a nap. She flips onto her tummy before I even leave the room.

10:05 AM On the baby monitor I hear her making cooing noises and crawling around her crib. Her crib-music thing turns on.

10:06 AM She makes frustrated noises. Probably backwards crawled herself into a corner.

10:07 AM I stand by the door deciding if I should go in.

10:08 AM I decide to go in then she suddenly stops crying and makes little squeaky happy noises. So I wait some more.

10:09 AM I wish I had a video monitor so I could see what in the world she does in there.

10:10 AM She cries the "Mommy come get me cry" I stand by the door again. She stops. I start to walk away. She cries again, sounding very tired.

10:11 AM I am standing near the door, hoping she will find her blanky and fall asleep.

10:12 AM Still hoping. Crying is now off and on. Maybe just maybe she is drifting off.

10:13 AM Crib music-thing stops playing. I haven't heard any sounds for about ONE MINUTE!

10:14 AM Silence. I start to relax. I even consider going to the bathroom since I really have to pee!

10:15 AM I am still sitting near the monitor. I still have not gone to the bathroom.

10:16 AM I finally believe she is asleep and run to pee!

10:18 AM Relief. She is asleep and my bladder is empty! Now I have an hour to clean up from breakfast. Get ready for lunch. And although I should return a few phone calls and look some stuff up I plan to lay down instead. This cold is kicking my butt and I couldn't sleep at all last night.

10:53 AM She wakes up with a cough and cries.

10:54 am I go get her!

18 minutes to get her to sleep. 36 minutes of sleep. Play, lunch, wash, play, repeat.

Ara and I have colds. She complains less than me though!

Summer is almost here and I am really looking forward to it. I feel a little stretched these days and I could use some R & R with Ara. Watching the cacti come into bloom makes me a little nostalgic (wow that word was hard to spell.. Another job for SPELL CHECK).

Last summer I...

• Spent long hours laying on the couch watching the birds in the trees and daydreaming about my little baby.
• I agonized over names.
• I drank WAY to many strawberry shakes from Mc Donalds (drool). By the way a small strawberry shake has more carbs in it than I used to eat in 2 days!
• I wandered aimlessly around Baby's R Us declaring everything cute.

/sigh

You name it, I can mushify it!

TO DO:

• Take apart and get rid of desk in living room
  
• Laundry
  
• Prepare fruit/veggies for Ara (boil until mushy!)
  
• Go to Target: baby food, formula, washcloths
  
• Sweep/mop kitchen
  
• Clean bathroom
  
• Check studio time for lessons on Thursday
  
• Return phone calls
  
• Call Ped about Ara's runny nose and goopy eye
  
  

Mushy Food, my specialty!

Ara LOVES my cooking. Finally someone who appreciates my talent for boiling stuff until it's mushy. Carrots, pears, apples... you name it, I can mushify it!

Ara Update:

• Food on tray :: in hand :: not squished :: into mouth!
  
• She can really cover some ground on her hands and knees, the only drawback is that she is going backwards and that pisses her off.
  
• She is exploring strawberry this week.
  
• She is starting to assign certain sounds to objects. The dog and cat are officially labeled. Me? I'm still just the lady who comes answers to ANY sound so I'm not worthy :)
  

My sister got in a car accident today, nothing serious just a really small fender bender. The driver she rear ended seemed a bit dogey though and it got me to thinking about how to respond when you are involved in an accident. I was creating a form that would remind me to gather all of the important information and keeping it in the car with me. SOoooo since bard is badgering me to come watch "Yo Mama" (a sort of funny new comic show we found last night) I will just copy paste what I found and work on the rest later.

• Other driver information:
  Driver's date of birth
  Driver's DL #/State
  Driver's name & address
  Driver's license plate #/State
  Driver’s insurance company name
  Policy # and expiration date
  Policy holder's name & address
  Vehicle owner's name & address
  Injuries or property damage

Also...

If you kill or injure an animal, pull over to the side of the road and stop. Try to find the owner. If you can’t find the owner, call the nearest humane society or call the police or CHP. Do not try to move an injured animal and never leave an injured animal to die.

Now Showing

Now Showing :: Ara trying out her new car seat!

I'm actually just using this as a test video. I am trying out Picasa (some sort of image organizer software from Google).

Sad Stove Update :: It sat out in the sun for about 2 weeks, right where I photographed it. It served as a work table for the guys who were fixing up the place so I never imagined they were going to plop it back inside the apartment! Viva la Stove!

Hi, I'm old.

Hi, I'm old.
Don't worry, my cholesterol is good and I still seem able to get up after I fall down. But, I am definitely old. I know it's not politically correct to declare this within earshot of people who are numerically older than me. I know this, and yet I am declaring it on the web (where I assume people older than me serf). I have been thinking about how super old I will be when Ara goes to high school. My parents were much younger when they had me. When my Mom was my age I was already 10! Ara is going to make me drop her off a block from the movie theatre, I just know it.

I have even suddenly seen the wisdom in minivans.

The list:

The diet starts tomorrow. Carbs Be-GONE!

Try to make Ara's some baby food from fresh ingredients.

Practice the Ginastera piece.

Lucy is pregnant, I know I shouldn't be excited.. but I am! We will be making reservations at the hermitage No-Kill Shelter for the kittens.

Ara Update:

She is SOOOO close to crawling! She gets up on her hands and knees and rocks back and forth.

She can officially roll both directions.

Every time she sees the cat she says a specific word. I think that might mean cat in her language.

I have been sitting in my computer chair for about 20 minutes now half zoning out half skimming random blogs. I ran across this one; Entering Turtle Land. I scrolled down just glancing at the pictures. As soon as I saw the cute puppy pictures I began to read. Cute puppywuppy named Yuki. Cute story. Just the frame of mind I wanted to go to bed in. Early morning tomorrow and a baby shower in the afternoon. Next week is crazy, I am subbing for a chamber orchestra in town and I have to leave teaching early and drive like mad to make it to rehearsals semi-on time. /sigh. I'm going to pick a Harry and read until my eyes close (which won't be long).

Food for Cash? Are you crazy?

This morning my Dad, Bard, Ara, and I stopped in at Barnes to browse for books we never plan to buy and of course an Italian Soda (raspberry) from Starbucks. Ara missed her morning nap so I had to keep driving her around in her stroller to keep her entertained. When we finally gave up we headed for this Italian Bistro my Dad had heard was really good. Everything was cheap, hot, and pretty darn delicious. We had the all-you-can-eat pasta, salad, and sandwich bar. Ara sat in a high chair watching all of the people and practicing her amazon woman yell. She was in heaven because we were sitting right in the path of the buffet and everyone in the restaurant stopped by to tell her she was adorable. One by one she threw all of the teething toasts I had packed on the floor. I was reading in the "What to Expect in the First Years" book recently about how basically 'dirt don't hurt'. All the same though, I wouldn't eat something off of the floor so I don't see why I should encourage Ara to. I know that at some point she will probably be licking floors like those but... never mind lets not think about it. We had her in the new car seat, that we agonized over and, guess what? I'm completely having second thoughts about the model we chose! We originally got a Graco from Target that was forward facing and when we got to reading the manual, it went straight back. It's crazy that Graco wouldn't mention that the requirement was 20 pounds, 27 inches, and (the part they left off) at least 1 year old. So next we went to the shiny baby stuff emporium, ortherwise known as Baby's-R-Us. We touched, poked, and pulled on every seat in the place. I wish we had the budget to buy the super safe, side impact protected, cushy Britax seat, but alas $300+ was a bit steep. The chair we chose was another Graco and was in the $150 range. It has really thick memory and EPS foam, but does not have the special side impact protection, AND it's u-g-l-y. Wow, I certainly digressed there from my restaurant story. So, anyway the bill came and as we went to pay the very stressed out waitress starts explaing that their card machine is down! Everyone was in a panic. What were we to do? Seriously, as I glanced around the restaurant and I saw people rumaging in their bags and shooting confused looks at their dining partners. Cash, what is that? Eventually, we sorted out our bill by leaving cash for the tip and paying with a (pause for dramatic effect) check. We were told this was an exception because they normally don't accept checks. By the way when did people stop accepting checks? I didn't even notice, can you still write them in grocery stores and Targets? Poor waitress lady explained that they wouldn't have a new machine until tomorrow morning. I wish I could have stayed... What would we have done if I didn't randomly have my check book on me? Wash dishes? I think when I began this story I was planning on summing up with some witty conclusion about how we seem so advanced but take away our 'machine' and we are totally helpless. In retrospect that conclusion doesn't seem all that witty. You know something else that wouldn't seem witty? Well, I could post this without running spell check! I crack myself up. Haha.

Oh Baby

So my sister gets one of those entertainment type magazines, I'm not sure how often they are delivered but it seems pretty frequent. I pick them up now and then and find myself drawn into the baby dramas that are CONSTATLY being reported. Now, I know I have a baby so I am naturally interested (I think anyway) in other people's baby stories. What I wonder though, is everyone else in the world as fascinated as I am in the birth plans and raising of celebrity children? Does everyone care if Angelina chooses to have her baby in a wildlife preserve in Africa? Or weather Katie can scream if she wants to? How many out there want Brittany to buy a car seat and stop using the high chair as a prop for chair dancing? I'm just curious. It seems as if this particular magazine BELONGS to Angelina, Katie, and Brit, they are in it so often. I always crack up when some journalist makes a big deal about Angelina blowing up at Brad for little things... umm the woman is PREGNANT. Understand that the bump is a universal signal for "don't mess with me". Besides I imagine, just from the looks of her or something that she is not to be messed with under most circumstances. That may be unfair... I don't actually know anything about her, besides what I've read in unsubstantiated gossip articles. But, she was Laura Croft right? Don't burst my bubble. I was a Tomb Raider fan way back in the day, like in ancient times. The movie was a little unfortunate but she looked the part like no one's business.

Sad Stove

If only the stove could talk. Yes, if only. What wisdom it could impart. Thus begins my photo essay that will change the world! Woe to the Forgotten appliances. My neighbors recently moved out and this is... no WAS their stove. I visited them at their new place yesterday, although I won't be telling the sad stove about it. I couldn't bear the sad look on its knobs if it knew they now have a working oven. We went to a 'quintet BBQ' (minus the bassoon) and had a few laughs. The horn player and his wife are expecting their kid #2 any day now and we all placed our bets. I am on April 20th, boy. I can't believe they have been strong enough not to want to know the sex of the baby. It makes everything so very exciting though. They also have secret names picked out. I so highly approve of the suspense they are creating. Oh speaking of that I have a picture of some teddys' stuck in applesauce to post. Eatable art from their 2 year old son. He is adorable and I was so interested to talk to them about their experiences with baby sign language. Ara hasn't signed back yet, but I've been reading that is normal. It was nifty to pick their brains on child-stuff. We even watched a few Baby Einstein videos which kinda sorta put the other two (the former stove owners) asleep. I keep pausing in my writing, I'm tired. Sunday's we have to get up so freaking early it makes it hard to write at 10-ish at night. Today we went with Bard to his church gig and Ara got to charm the pants off of a whole bunch of church ladies. I didn't make it to my Grandparents anniversary party which I feel bad about. Ara was already so thrown off schedule we didn't dare. Plus, (whine) I had a stomach ache last night so I tried to sleep on the couch. I woke up feeling tired and my back hurts! I feel old. (end whine).

:: Ara Update ::

We had a doctor appointment for Ara this morning. It was an important appointment with an important doctor that we have waited 2 months to see (those who know us will understand). Everything went really well, the doctor ordered the tests that we needed. Ara seemed really hyper the whole time we were there. I think she vaguely remembers the feeling of a hospital and has a general mistrust for anyone wearing scrubs. I don't blame her.. at all. She gave the nurse who tried to listen to her heart a pretty hard time. She tugged on the stethoscope in her ears and squirmed as much as possible as she tried to take her temperature. Give 'em hell Ara! I know some people will think it's crazy to say this about an 8 month old but Ara seems to have a real sense of herself. She knows what she likes and definitely knows when she doesn't like something. I am always amazed that she... how do you say this... exists. It goes along with my wonder at people who cook from scratch. Just a little while ago Ara was nothing but ingredients and WHAM there she is, a real person! Oh, and as a side note the doctor told us he knows 2 people named Ara, and they are both men. When we were considering the name I 'googled' it and found only associations like the American Rifle Association but I just did another search and I did find boys! We found the name on a website for unusual names and it said unisex, so that is my story and I'm sticking to it when she asks! The meanings we found were opinionated and beautiful. She embodies both more than we could have ever imagined. Anyway, for those friends and family reading Ara is doing wonderfully and her tests (after the insurance has approved) will most likely be scheduled for next week. Also for an Charlie and Lola fans out there... "she is small and very funny!"

Roar

Listening to the radio in the car... singing along with what ever comes on. Then that song about going down swinging comes on and I get annoyed. It's hot today and my mind seems to be buried under.. something. I get the sense that everything is slow and hot. I had a non-bad dream last night. Well actually sometime this morning. Since I woke up at 5 AM and didn't fall back to sleep after that.
On Sunday my Grandparents are celebrating their 50th Anniversary. We are having a mini-Easter tomorrow because everyone is off work on Thursdays. So I will have super cute pictures to post tomorrow. It's hot. Bleh. I just ate 3 of those mini Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and that made me think of how I need to go on a diet.

Strange Lizard

This lizard was lounging (upsidedown) in the sun a few mornings ago. He was HUGE for a normal lizard and very suspicious looking. My heart was seriously pounding as I held the camera close to get a good shot. I don't know what it is about reptiles, they freak me out! After his photo shoot the lizard decided he had enough and climbed back over the wall. I wish I had added something for scale but you can tell he is about as big as a cinder block. I'm interested to know what kind of creepy crawly he is. I've never seen a lizzy like him.