birthday eve

So today is the eve of my birthday and.. coincidentally the eve of a new calendar year. Double whammy for me with the whole starting over/resolution thing. I usually don't like making resolutions, because I hate to start a year with unrealistic expectations and then have the beginning marred with disappointment. Hi, I'm pessimistic and why is my glass always half empty? This year, however I feel resolution-ie! I've been compiling a pretty impressive list in my notebook. Really though how can a list of resolutions compete with the other list of... what I want for my birthday! Hehe.

Wish List:
I want world peace.
I want a new phase for Ara so we can stop with the "no-want-um" attitude!
I want the world to promise to be kind to my baby girl.
I want one of those pedometer watches that shows how fast and far you are going and how many calories you have burned!
I want carbs to be good for you.

Oh oh oh.. yesterday my good return karma kicked in. I had just started to accept that I really had lost my iPod forever since it had been gone since before Christmas. Then I was packing up my flute bag after practicing and I noticed there was something inside the zipper pocket. BAM it's my pretty pod! A looked a little disappointed when I came bouncing into the room with it, he says he had planned to buy me a new iPod for my birthday which is super sweet!

Through a Haze of Cold and Tiredness.

I'm starting to really freak out about how little I am practicing for my pic concerto. Freak out gogogo!

Ara and I were down in the dumps yesterday all sick and grumpy and tired and did I mention grumpy?

So yesterday morning, probably around 10 am I notice my phone is saying I have a voice mail. It's A's Brother in law saying that we are all having dinner tomorrow night at 5:30pm at blahblah restaurant. I knew the 27th was her birthday but I just assumed they picked Friday to do dinner. Wrong. 5:15pm rolls around and we are all in the car headed home and we get a call from A's Mom... who is at the restaurant. We have a fight because A is annoyed that I misunderstood the message and I am annoyed that he has the audacity to be annoyed with me for that (plus I'm sick and generally annoyed at anything in my path). I was dressed particularly bummy and my hair was a mess, and I was like... "no way am I going into a nice place looking like this!" The whole time this is happening Ara is like having a melt down fit in the back seat, which makes for a really nice calming ambiance lol. In my head I'm thinking about how A chose to go to his Mom's for Christmas instead of coming with Ara and me to my Dad's like we had planned (this was after his sister's morning thing with all of his family). I was pretty pissed about that and dropping him off at a restaurant with grumpy screaming Ara is feeling like a pretty good plan to me. As I watched him trying to clean her face with a wipey I started to melt a little. Sure, I felt like he bailed on Christmas but they might need me since baby girl was so cranky. Plus, his Mom would probably hold it against me for the rest of my life. So, I brushed my hair and threw on a headband put on my jacket and went inside. While we were sitting at the table I wished I could sink into the floor. I had visions of pulling my jacket over my head and slumping down in my chair. The restaurant was called Zona, and it reeked of something stinky and fishy. All the waitresses had their hair in the "don't I look cute with my super messy pony-tail" and kind of made me thing of like.. I don't know some sort of softball team or something. Ara was quiet and clingy and sweet. She didn't eat a thing. The food was good and brother-in-law's parents found a root in their salad so they got their meals for free. I'm really tired.. I planned on going to bed an hour ago and I've already forgotten where I was going with this story.

A Pile of Presents

Christmas was exhausting!

Ara got a bazillion presents including a new wardrobe and trains of every size.

We did our usual family musical chairs, it is so tiring having parents that are not together. I saw my Mom, we took showers at A's Mom's, then we saw A's dad at his sisters house.. then we hauled ass to my Dad's to cook dinner (since our water was still off, a whole separate issue) and this was just Christmas eve! Our water pipes have broken on the roof 3 times this week alone. We have gone a total of 6 days without water.. which is annoying to say the least. I don't pretend to know anything about pipes or plumbing.. but I think I know enough to say.. our land lord sucks. Well we have water now, and we are catching up on all the lost sleep!

The end.

A Fishy Night.

Update:
My Grandma is in town from California. This makes me happy.
Christmas shopping is done.
Tomorrow is clean/laundry for the holiday. This makes me tired.
I'm a sicky. Achy, low fever, grumpy, and tired.
I had dinner with Megan on Monday.
I've been watching the Christmas episodes of Friends from my DVD's.


Ara Update:
Ara jumped in her first jumping castle with the big kids!
She says it was a "little scary".
She might be getting sick too.


So last week we had Ara spend a night over at my Dad's so that A and I could have a night alone to relax before he went back to work. We had dinner at Chilli's and then watched the latest Borne movie with all our favorite movie time snacks. It was really nice but it felt like time flew by and before we knew it we were picking Ara up the next morning. She had caused some havoc and everyone looked exhausted. Apparently in the middle of the night she slipped out of bed and found the "Mommy backpack (or packpack as Ara calls it). She rummaged around until she found a packet of instant oatmeal I had packed for her breakfast. She then crawled into Papa's bed and covered him in oatmeal while he slept. He woke up feeling something wasn't right and then was surprised to find his face covered in dry oatmeal. He coaxed her back to bed and promptly fell asleep. Ara wasn't sleepy yet though.. and I'm guessing she felt that she needed some moisturizing because her next exploration trip took her to the bathroom, where you guessed it.. she found the scented lotion. Once again she climbed in bed with Papa where she coated herself in lotion. Her hair, face, pajamas, and of course her hands. My Dad awoke again and reach out in the darkness when he touched Ara he pulled his hand back. He says when he touched something cold and slimy he thought he had touched a fish or something. I chuckle a little about that lol. At least it was lotion she had in his bed and not a slimy fish from the refrigerator I guess. With a 2 year old it is always best to consider how much worse a situation could be and then try to be thankful instead of irritated!

Sweet.

A friend suggested these to me.. the first made me cry and the second made me smile.

Birdie can Fly

Ara's birdie helped her to fly to the top of a play place and he even helped her down the long tunnel slide. It was adorable and I felt so proud. She also saw some kids eating ice cream and she looked confused. She asked me, "yukky?" because we always try to look un-happy whenever she sees us eating it lol.

The next time we let her loose in a play place, she played the "I'm in here you can't get me" card. I gave her the 5 minute warning as usual, then went I asked her to come out she gave me a little grin and climbed higher. Oh the power struggle that in sued. I tried using "authoritative Mom voice" but she knew she had the upper hand. So.. I had to climb inside the plastic tunnels, all the while feeling so self conscience about the view of my butt I was giving the restaurant. I will think twice about the next time I let her loose in one of those!

Ara knows the entire first verse of Jingle Bells now and she sings it whenever we pass Christmas lights. She is so festive! We are going to get our tree tonight hopefully... it sucks that it has been raining the past few days. It's cold, wet, and muddy. I usually LOVE rain in the desert but after a few days without sunshine I start to jones for some sun.

A taught Ara about names and she says my name so cute.. I squeal every time she says it. I know this will probably back fire on me and she will stop calling me Momma lol.

I feel lazy today.. it's raining and the house is cold. I don't want to stay here and clean for my student. I want to go somewhere.. like a craft store and buy things.

Blue

I had a really hard day yesterday with Ara. She is really testing her limits, I feel like every time I turn around she is doing something she knows she shouldn't. The part that is really getting to me though is the hitting. We are kind of at our wits end with her hitting and kicking. Time out seems completely ineffective, she can escape from the play pin, putting her in a chair results in more hitting, and sending her to her room full of toys is well.. that's obvious. We talk about how in our family we use words to express ourselves not hitting. I ask her "Do we hit in our family?" and she says, "nooooo" but the words mean nothing to her. My best/only tactic at the moment is walking away and letting her flail alone (in a safe place obviously). You wouldn't think that a little 2 year old could even hurt me but she can! She kicks me in the boobs when I change her diaper, and 2 days ago she hit me in the jaw with her head so hard I tasted blood. So she hits.. and if she hurts me and gets a reaction she will laugh. I know.. that she is in a stage where distinguishing between people and inanimate objects is hard, but it is still disheartening. I don't understand.. we don't hit her, we don't spank, we don't even yell. She has no siblings or preschool kids to set a bad example so where did she learn the hitting? She acts on impulse which is completely age appropriate so the question is; how do we teach her consequences?

Today wasn't so bad, I took her to a play group at the library and she had a great time and has even made progress with participating in (frustrating) circle time. I feel tired though.. and a little bummed.

On a different note: A was telling me he wants to get new Christmas lights. I love any sentence with "new" and "Christmas" in it. He was reading that these new LCD lights are safer and more energy efficient. I think it is SOOOO cute that he is doing Christmas safety research. I also have to get a new fake tree because putting lights on an aluminum tree is dangerous. It makes perfect sense but it never occurred to me! Plus Ara destroyed the tree anyway. She likes cause and effect. "

What will happen if I knock over the tree.
Oh, it falls over.

What will happen if I turn over this bowl of cereal?
Oh, everything falls out and Momma looks exasperated. (cool)

What will happen if I fill my mouth with water and spit it?
It shoots everywhere! (awesome)

She is a little scientist.

Jingle Bells!

Yesterday I got out the box of awesomeness (Christmas decorations). It's my tradition to put up this little silver tree right after Thanksgiving since I was in school and couldn't afford a real one. We will get a real tree in December sometime but I just LOVE to put on music and dig through this box and this year I got to involve Ara in my happy time. She is a little Christmas fairy full of enthusiasm and joy! She mimics me and cheers for Christmas every time we see a display in the stores and after the little tree went up she stood there touching the decorations and calling it beautiful. The tree itself used to be my Grandmother's when she was a girl because she had allergies to real trees (so sad) and I guess this is what artificial trees looked like back in the stone ages. I love this tree though. It is supposed to be taller but it's missing most of the base, it just looks like a little firework explosion to me and I love it ( I mentioned that already didn't I?).

It's funny how being a parent makes you feel older and places a whole different set of worries and cares on your shoulders... but at the same time you feel more like a kid than you have since you were a kid. I spent the day chasing birds, playing in the sand, skipping in the grass, and for lunch I had half a Lunchable. Ara and I had a great day at this little secret park we found. Well.. by secret I mean it had no freaky lurkers and no unleashed dogs. It did have a BUNCH of moms' and kids' around Ara's age. I think it must be a play group, I get e-mails from this group sometimes but it costs $80 to join and I never stick to social things so I don't pay. The cool thing is that it doesn't cost a thing to show up at the park and have Ara play with their kids!

Scooter

Scooter and Fuzzy... adorable and sweet!

Blah blah

Doing laundry at my Dad's house today and when the load in the dryer is done we will head home to clean. The house is an utter disaster after having all of us home since Wednesday. Ara and I just came in from playing the backyard. I played fetch with the old old family dog; Scooter. He is completely deaf now but he still has it when it comes to playing fetch! He is a mix of cocker spaniel and poodle and he has always been such a good dog. I hope there will be another dog in the world as sweet as Scooter when we are ready to get Ara a dog. Ara had me pick 3 grapefruits and a lemon and she is happily playing with her Momma, Daddy, Papa, and baby fruits lol. So cute.


Hmmm I was going to post some pictures but my free Flickr account has run out of space until I pay them a yearly fee for more. So sad. I think I will pay, I mean I like the convenience of uploading for prints and it's so compatible with my blogger engine.

I need to get back on track with my diet and exercise. I have to play a solo with my orchestra in a few months and I don't want to feel self conscience about my weight when I'm up there. The Piccolo Concerto is scary enough considering piccolo is not my main instrument and my actual piccolo is past it's prime. It's funny I don't even want to practice.. the piece really utilizes the upper register and anyone who has ever been in the same room as a pic in the high register knows.. it's just wrong! I used to hand out ear plugs and apologies when I played pic in orchestra. There is nothing like working so hard.. and pouring your heart into playing something.. that makes people cringe.

...

Bug or Windshield... why not both?

*Warning: this blog started off as a light hearted entry about Christmas shopping and went down hill from there. Be warned that with each new paragraph I get more and more emo.*

My Christmas presents have come early this year and I have been spoiled! I inherited A's old monitor when he got a new one for Father's Day and I've been complaining ever since! I like to do graphics and the old monitor was very dim and had a little shake to it. So... for an early Christmas present I got to go to Comp USA and pick out my new and beautiful flat/wide screen Samsung (I don't know all the "terms" to describe it). It's very pretty! I also got a season of my secret-favorite-show-that-everyone-makes-fun-of-me for; Gilmore Girls (on sale at Target on black Friday for $14 originally $44). I got a Christmas movie, the Polar Express (I love Christmas movies!). Then last night I got the (newish) Tomb Raider game. I used to love Tomb Raider, although I could never play the scary levels alone because I would jump at every noise. The new game plus the new monitor made me very happy until I realized that the way the game views swing around was making me nauseous! I mean seriously like amagod I need a pregnancy test kind of nauseous. Have to say, relieved it was the game lol! The game is fun though, it's sort of a mystery, puzzle, shoot some stuff kind of game, a far cry from the online games we usually play. Ara will be making out like a little bandit this year too.. actually who am I kidding.. "this year" pshhh as if she won't have a whole new wardrobe and toy box filled by the end of the holiday! We got her an electronic keyboard last night and she loooooves it, she played with it in the cart and then after we got home. I am hoping once I wrap it she will suddenly forget that she has already seen it! We also got her favorite train in the special wooden model (James), and Thomas the Train bath toys that squirt (I will pay for this once I'm sure). While we were in the Walmart toy section discussing her "big present" she looked up at those giant battery cars that kids can drive in and squealed with delight. She may be small.. but she knows what is expensive and ridiculous! I'm sorry but I don't want her to be one of "those" kids with $300 toys sitting in he backyard forgotten and ill used. I simply must draw the line at $200, wait... that makes me better than the other parents right? No? Well just let me think so! Anyway... I was thinking of a basket ball hoop for the patio or maybe one of those play kitchens.. Yeah I just heard myself and I DO realize I am not better. She still isn't getting the car! I got presents for my brother and sister but I still have a lot of shopping to do, I meant to have everything ordered while the post-Thanksgiving sales were still happening.. but I had the "I wants" apparently. *hangs head in shame*. I am so excited it is Christmas time.. I have been feeling a little blue and the idea of lights and trees and presents makes me feel optimistic. A and I have been fighting a lot but I actually prefer that to the strained silence. He has been really trying to express what he is thinking and feeling which is a big help to me. I have been feeling like he expects me to read his mind and let's face it.. I am not the best at "noticing stuff"! I think we both feel like we have something worth working on and it's nice to know we are on the same page.

Today I am watching my nephew and that means I had to wake up at 6 am /whine. I meant to do laundry while I was here but I forgot to bring the clothes! I blame lack of sleep. In an hour I think I will go get the clothes and take them and my lucky nephew to the land of coin operated washing machines. I cannot wait to move into a place with laundry machines... and more space.. with a closet... and a yard... and NO MORE FREAKY NEIGHBORS.

Thanks

Thanksgiving this year was a special event because it was the first time we have ever had it at our house. We have so much family in town that usually holidays' are spent on the road to and from A's family and my family. So this year we decided to start our own traditions and that grand tradition was... ordering our dinner from the deli at our local grocery store! In my head I was picturing them handing me a steaming juicy turkey meal but when we went to pick it up today it was a cold turkey in a bag and a cold box filled with side dishes. I looked at the lady in surprise and asked if I had to like cook it, trying to keep the alarm in my voice at a minimum. Raw gross turkey.. not me! Well it was fully cooked but we had to dust off the old oven and re-heat it for 2 hours, along with the many side dishes. All in all it was about 2.5 hours of prep and the food was pretty good. The only weird part were the mashed potatoes which seem to have been made from rubber potatoes. We had a nice day, Ara had her first Thanksgiving at home and I am happy.

Dreams

I had a stress dream again last night and the night before. They are always the same theme, I am trying to get somewhere but I can't or I'm driving and the brakes don't work. Last night was that I had an unorganized list of students I needed to teach and I couldn't focus on it to figure out when I had to be where. In my dream the night before I was looking at this awesome house we were going to move into. I mean it was crazy, it had a ballroom and the master bedroom had a wall of glass that looked onto the dance floor. I always have awesome architecture in my dreams lol. Well for some reason they wanted me to leave Ara there while I went somewhere and I started to leave and then I realized that I didn't want to leave her there so I tried to go back. No matter how fast I tried to get back to her people kept delaying me and my brakes didn't work. I kept looking at the clock and thinking it was her dinner time. Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is that I am stressed.

Funny diet part of the dream though was when I spilled my candy and when I looked at the table I couldn't tell which was candy and which were cherry tomato's'!

We have a work dinner tonight and I don't have anything to wear. It doesn't matter though, because we are taking Ara and no one looks at the person holding the adorable girl just the cutey!

Toddler Rampage

So this week Ara has changed her nap time ritual from making a cute little blanket nest by the door and sleeping to completely ransacking her room and not sleeping at all. I think it was Wednesday when I heard a weird sound and opened her door. She was dancing on top of a dresser drawer with her curtain rod. Yes, she pulled out her drawers and pulled down the curtains. I realized she was climbing onto her little table to reach the curtains.. once she had light it was free play time. The room was amazing, I mean I have no idea how one little girl could destroy a room so quickly and quietly. She emptied a box of wipes, every dresser drawer and all the clothes inside, all of her toys were out of their boxes, the dirty clothes were everywhere. It looked like some sort of natural disaster. Being the noob Mom that I am this happened twice before I had to take drastic action. On Friday I put her down like usual. I read her two books, put her down, kissed her and said "goodnight sweetie". She looked angelic and sleepy. I closed the door but stayed in the room silent. She hopped up immediately to get out of bed and was so surprised to find me there. It was actually really cute the way she said, "Mama?" like she was happy to see me there for play time. I stood like a silent statue in her room for an hour and a half gently putting her back down every time she got up. She sang, cried, played pretend with her dolls (in the bed), cried some more, tried to get me to laugh.. Eventually though she tired of the game and started to drift off. I slipped out of the room and she was quiet for about 15 minutes and then I heard her again.. out of bed! I only had to go back in once though and she slept in her bed! I was so proud (and tired) of myself! The battle continues everyday but it is getting easier.

Catch-up

It's been a while since I updated...

How many blogs open with that sentence I wonder?

M&M Day has come and gone and I think it's catching on. By now when I say "M&M day" my students, family, and friends all know what I'm talking about. I'll go to explain and get interrupted with "oh yeah M&M day". Megan and I went to Sauce which was, as Ara would say "nummy" and yet another thing I can miss on my low carb lifestyle. Megan is the only person I still have in my life from high school career, both here and in California. Well, besides my cousin who I never see. We talked about relationships, family, jobs... pretty much everything. It was nice to sit outside at a restaurant and have adult conversation. Actually I don't care that it was adult as long as it was conversation!

I took Ara to a pumpkin patch where we actually rode a carriage pulled by horses into a field and picked our own misshapen pumpkins! We also did a corn field maze and ate cold hot dogs that cost too much. It was really nice and I hope to make it a tradition every October.

Halloween was last night and it was a wonderful night. I made Ara's costume (Minnie Mouse) by ironing on circles cut from a tee-shirt onto a little pink skirt. It was cute but she didn't look all that mousie lol. We stopped off at my Dad's to take pictures and then we went to a children's museum. I saw their event advertised as a non-scary Halloween event for preschoolers. Ara has been declaring a lot of things "scary" and I didn't want to take her to a place where there were crowds dressed in scary costumes. The museum was actually really fun. There was an interactive jungle room that had things to climb and build, a room for crafts (ara painted a pumpkin that was a challenge to carry the rest of the night), a plastic food grocery store, a train room (!), shadow room, music room, puppet room.... the list goes on and on. We had a lovely time and I felt so good about taking her there instead of trick or treating.

As as side note, I misspelled every single instance of pumpkin on this page (thank you spell check).

I want to get out my Christmas decorations today... I asked Ara and she seemed to imply that she was pro-anything that makes Mommy smile lol!

One last thing, I've been trying to remember to write this down because I thought it was so cute;

We went out to eat and Ara leaned back in her high chair as this girl was walking by and said, "Hi, sweetie!". I think she is under the impression that is what you say to girls since everyone says it to her!

Oh and every time A and I touch each other, like when I touch his hair in the car or we hug, Ara gets so mad. Yesterday she yelled, "no! bubies!" (which is what her daddy calls her). Is she afraid if we love each other that we don't love her or maybe just that we should be giving her our attention? Or maybe her Daddy is only allowed to love one girl? Not a serious issue, but perplexing all the same.

Bed, Optional

Ara discovered yesterday at nap time that she doesn't have to stay in bed once I put her down. The second I walk out of the room and close the door I can hear her get out of bed. Yesterday she was crying and I went in there a few times. It was more of a tired grumpy cry so I wasn't concerned she was hurt I just didn't think she would sleep if I didn't go back in and put her back in bed. She would look at me through sleepy puffy eyes and say, "no sleep". But then we would hug and I would put her back in bed, gently tuck her in, and walk out of the room hoping she wasn't going to spring right up. After the third of fourth round of this I began to rethink my strategy. Maybe I was giving her the impression that if she got out of bed she would be rewarded with attention and the postponing of the nap time! So I sat listening to her get out of bed and come to the door (which was closed). She complained and called for me. I stayed silent. Eventually I heard the unmistakable sounds of her laying down against the door. The silence after that told me that Ara had decided to take her nap on the floor in front of her door. Interesting. When she woke up I lightly tapped on the door and opened it a crack. She poked her hand through with one of her special blankets (there are 3 now). She proceeded to hand me the blankets, her birdy, and her blanky before she would come out.

Today when I put her down for nap time she got right out of bed again after I left. This time, though she didn't cry or call for me. Seconds later I heard her settling down for her nap on the floor by the door. I guess this is what we are doing now? Hmm. I consulted my books, nothing about your kid sleeping on the floor. For the time being I've decided I will accept the compromise. She isn't in danger of hurting herself and she is sleeping (although the naps are much shorter). My only concern is that it is hard to open the door if I needed to because of her blankets, stuffed animals, and well her. It's actually kind of adorable. She makes a little bed for herself and settles down. A thinks she wants to be able to hear me in case I do something fun while she is sleeping lol.

I've started doing a color, letter and shape of the week so we can focus on familiarity. She is counting up to 10 now, although she leaves out 5 a lot. She can name every animal at the zoo and associate a sound, well for the animals who make good sounds. What sound does a giraffe make anyway? She is adding so many words daily to her vocabulary it is astounding. Today she had gas which she thinks is hilarious so we worked on, "excuse me". "thooos me". We have been doing a lot of art with painting and markers. She is so cute she will ask me to watch her draw an "A" and then draw a perfect little circle. She feels a sense of pride in her art and is always excited to show her Daddy when he gets home from work. She points to it and says, "pretty". Markers suck though. Washable my ass. They wash right out of clothes but the marks on the skin look like serious injuries and stick around for a few baths. I actually banned markers for a long time because of this. I gave them another shot yesterday and I think they are banned again. Finger paint and water colors come out so they are my friends. Ok I'm tired and it's late. I shall stop writing now!

Mommy Chronicles

I went to a blog written by a mom we knew from our childbirth class. I read it from time to time and we tend to run into her and her son fairly often. Well... she is super Mom. I read her blog and I feel small. When it comes to Mom skills I try to keep up to date on my reading materials but really who are the "experts" to tell me how to raise my kid? I get a parent magazine, I download parenting podcasts, I read what to expect, fathering a toddler (it's a good book), and other assorted parenting books. My problem is that I never find the answers to the questions I have, the really stupid no-brainer questions that apparently only I wonder about. After reading the mommy blog I began to wonder if I should be taking to Ara to classes everyday. She takes her son to gymboree, art classes, story time, they walk, they jog, and they play with "friends". Ara and I are just a 2 person team. I am COMPLETELY shy around other mothers at parks, playgroups, and libraries. I don't know why exactly but I have it in my head that they are all more organized, experienced, and all around more "together" than me. An inferiority complex I guess. I brought up the subject of more play dates to A yesterday and he seemed to think that more "kid time" might be good for Ara. So next week I am going to make an effort to go to bed on time, make lunches the night before, and keep up on the laundry (yikes) so that I can take Ara to an activity everyday. At the very least a walk to our local park and hopefully a couple visits to play group, library, and maybe the zoo if we buy a pass.

I'm not sure this entry was entirely cohesive because I wrote it in bits while doing things in between.

~Cheers

Queen for a day!

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like everything is going your way?

As Ara and I walked up to the booth to pay for our zoo tickets today the lady says, "we had a water pipe break so admission is free, you just can't use the water fountains or bathrooms". Ok, no problem we brought water and Ara has a diaper on!

The zoo was fun and the weather was really mild until we got to the back where the polar bears are, ironically I guess. Thats the point where you curve back around and head towards the entrance again. We were feeling hot, our water was almost gone. Then as we are passing the kid area again the water miraculously comes on! Water pipe is fixed! Ara got soaking wet and mostly watched the bigger kids play but she had a great time. When it was time I loaded her back into the stroller "her car" and striped her clothes and shoes off since they were dripping wet. I entered the gift shop with the idea of buying her a book of zoo memories that would also serve as a distraction for her doctor visit scheduled later that day. I spend $30 on a tiger toy, a zoo shirt (to cover Ara), and a cute book.

Later that day we arrive at the doctor office and the receptionist says that they called me way back in August to reschedule and that Ara can't see the doctor today. I am annoyed, I insist that I never received a call and that this appointment was important so if I had I most certainly would have rescheduled. The lady I'm talking to reminds me of a brick wall for all her compassion for my situation, but the lady that is next to her says she will go talk to someone. I wait, without holding much hope. A is annoyed because he got off work early to come to this appointment and we know it will be at least a month if we have to reschedule. I continue to stand in front of receptionist lady who continues to ignore my existence. Finally, other lady returns and she has good news! We can have a seat the doctor will see us! First time EVER that I have had one of these situations go my way with the medical profession!

The doctor we get is actually the one I have the most confidence in (this practice has several pediatricians). She confirms that Ara is healthy and wonderful and brilliant. She has the blood results and they are normal. She confirms what we have been suspecting that the hair loss looks like a behavior rather than a medical issue. She assures us that the referral for the dermatologist will become a reality in the near future. Then.... she suggests that cutting Ara's hair very short might stop her from pulling at night. I will have a hard time cutting her sweet little ringlets but hey, I will take this problem over a tumor any day.

So there it is.. this was like my day!

Frusterated

The wheels of the health industry turn so freaking SLOWLY! I called Ara's doctor's office this morning, a full week after her visit to find out why they haven't called to tell me the insurance had approved a specialist. They say they haven't heard from the insurance. How long does it take to call the insurance and get a yes or no? They also have no idea where the results from the blood work stands. It's only been a week, only 6 work days since we took her. Is it me or is this infuriating? I feel like there has got to be a faster way to get this done. In the mean time Ara is waking up everyday with more hair on her pajamas and I can't sleep at all. I'm going to call again in an hour. If being a nice Mommy doesn't get it done we will try annoying-calls-every-hour Mommy. Oh yes, I can be that lady. I think I will call the insurance directly as well and maybe I will find my own damn specialist and make her an appointment. My kid deserves better than this.

Edit: I posted this and then got back on the phone. I called the insurance directly and it turns out the specialist was approved on the 20th, 4 days ago? Punks.

"It's k"

We took Ara to the doctor today for her hair loss. I've been noticing hair in her crib and on her pajamas for a while now and it was sort of in my head that it might be too much hair. It wasn't until 3 days ago I noticed she has an almost bald spot on her head. It's not quite bald but the hair is much much thinner there and a it's a pretty big section, the doctor said about 3 inches. On a small head that seems like a lot. On some level I think I tried to ignore my instinct about the hair because I was afraid it might be something. If that is true, what kind of mother am I? We saw Dr. Dan, the doctor we usually see for well-baby visits and he said it could be such a variety of things that we needed to see a specialist. So after the insurance clears it, we will go see a dermatologist. We also have to go have her blood drawn to test for thyroid gland problems. He mentioned the thyroid problem specifically and said that sometimes a tumor on that gland can cause it to produce lower levels of the hormone. As he was examining Ara's head I was holding her to comfort her. Ara looked up into my face, stroked me softly and said, "it's k". Here I was trying to be strong and clear-headed, trying to stay focused and to ask the right questions and she sees right through me.

She sees that her Mommy is scared.

I didn't realize how scared until this moment. After all she has been through at the hands of doctors... it hasn't even been a year since we stopped battling the un-diagnosable, the biased-blind-arrogant-unstoppable...

I can't go on. I feel scared and helpless and I feel mad.


I want to make sure I talk about Ara's positive moments today. The topic I thought I was going to blog about. Ara is sleeping tonight in a big girl bed. We converted her crib at nap time but she only slept an hour and then I think she fell out (we have couch cushions all around her bed). The crib we bought was supposed to transform into a transition bed with safety rails to help her stay in. The rails looked great in the pictures but actually don't come more than a few inches above the mattress. Not exactly sufficient for our squirmy sleeper. We went to Baby's R Us after the doctor and got another bed rail. After A installed it I stood back and felt like all we did was make it a less safe crib instead of a bed with guide rails. Her feelings seemed mixed. She isn't sure she likes it but all day she couldn't stay away from it. We had to close the door to her room to stop her from jumping on her bed.

Anniversary

A and I have been together 12 years now. I remember the first time we talked; I sat down next to him and interrupted his reading. He looked intimidating to me because he wore glasses and had this "smart-guy" look to him. I only knew him as that really good trumpet player from my youth orchestra. He made me feel special. The way he looked at me when I talked. The details he remembered about me. My face used to hurt from smiling all the time. We spent our first year together spending every moment we could together. From morning to 11 pm at night (after rehearsal) and then we would go home and talk on the phone all night.

We celebrated on Sunday, my Sister watched Ara for the afternoon and we went to a restaurant and tried not to talk only about Ara! Then instead of seeing a movie liked we had planned we just went home. Finally non-Ara conversations flowed and we lay in each others arms talking, laughing, remembering, planning.

We squished them at the park!

Ara and I just got back from Triangle Park. The weather has cooled off a lot and it was overcast today. She has been grumpy in the mornings after we drop off A and I just can't seem to do anything right. She wants me to pay attention and to play but then she gets mad and throws a fit. She insists I wear her Nemo's Daddy Puppet on my hand no matter what I am doing. She even follows me into the bathroom with it (thanks Megan!) So my theory was that she needed to see some sunshine and get a little dirty. We tend to do "inside" activities when it is so hot outside but I think kids do need that outside time no matter how hot. The only problem is that I am a big baby when it comes to heat! She enjoyed the park but she had a few tiny tantrums there too. The first problem was 'English lady with the dogs she thinks don't need leashes'. If you get too near to this lady she will talk your ear off about her dogs. She has 2 of them; nice little friendly dog (Lucky) and mean 'ol scaredy-pants dog. Lucky was cute and friendly but of course Ara only wanted to pet the growling scared dog. People like this bug me. Put your dogs on leashes, especially if they cannot be trusted around children. A park is a place where parents should be able to bring their kids and relax. Instead I see the park as a series of danger obstacles. (As a side note this ladies dogs got into a fight with another man's dog who was on a leash) Well, anyway I had to constantly steer Ara away from the mean dog. I finally got her to go 'near' the playground when she spotted a bird across the street. So then I made her cry by telling her that she couldn't go into the street to chase birds. I finally got her to the playground where she discovered the joys of throwing sand. Once again.. mean old Mom had to say 'no'. I was getting a tiny but frustrated. I couldn't understand. Why can't she have fun like the other kids? Why does she always have to do the things I have to tell her she can't do? Then I thought, she is a toddler this is her job! This is a Mom test! I changed my attitude. I hitched a smile on my face and suggested we pretend we were trains and run to the other end of the park while making choo choo noises. It worked! We stopped at the swings where Ara 'flew' like a bird. Then we went over to a sandy area and she played there while I got to sit down and relax a little! Victory! I am full of WIN!

Ah the little successess of Motherhood that mean so much.

In honor of the occasion I made up a rap song that went:

We squished Ara's grumpies.
We squished them at the park!
The grumpies cannot get us..
they are squished at the park!

I think that's how it went anyway.

It's late and I'm telling random stories.

2 am and I'm still awake, but doing nothing. This reminds me of my old insomnia days, except now I have to be awake at 8 am (O.o). No sleeping in for me... oh how I miss the idea of sleeping in. Sleeping until you are done sleeping, what a fabulous concept. I might have to drink caffeine tomorrow so that Ara doesn't pwn me. Who am I kidding? She will pwn me no matter what I drink. A's Mom came over tonight and Ara showed her the new tap shoes. She did a fiery little routine on the tile by the front door while the three adults held their hands out in an effort to prevent any crashes. She enjoys spinning until walls bump into her. Reminds me so much of me! I also used to spend hours doing head stands in the hallway, I wonder if she will do that too. When my parents would make me mad I would turn away and stick my tongue out, imagining that it would bounce off the walls and somehow point at them.

I was thinking the other day about one of my old roomates, let's call her Kookoo. Kookoo and I shared a room in a 3 bedroom house. We usually had 5-6 girls living in the 3 bedroom house. I was in the habit of staying at A's house until very late and then tiptoeing into the house and into bed as quietly as I could so as not to wake Kookoo. On one such occasion I quietly closed the door and walked stealthily to my bed in the darkness. I reached out to pull my comforter down and realized someone had made my bed (lets face it I knew it wasn't me). Then I realized my comforter wouldn't come easily. It had been stitched to the sheets. Score one for Kookoo. I don't remember retaliating, Kookoo and I had a good laugh over the prank the next day. Then one night not long after I had come in late again and was preparing to brush my teeth. I squeezed my toothpaste and something black and squishy appeared. I squeezed it out and examined it in disgust. It was wrinkly and at first I thought it was a juicy dead bug marinated in toothpaste. Then, through years of prank training from my Mom I realized it was the classic raisin in the the tube gag. Immediately I began to form a plan. I had to prank back and it had to be good.

The next day I got home from school before Kookoo got off of work. I gathered my supplies, humming happily as I went into my room. I used sewing thread and scissors (borrowed from another house mate), thumb tacks, black construction paper, twist ties, paper clips, tape, and a black sharpie. I colored the twist ties black with the marker and then taped them to the black paper which I had crumpled into a ball, making a crude spider. Then I attached my spider to the thread. The thread I strung around the top of the room, running from just over Kookoo's bed to the door (thumb tacking the paper clips and running the string through the clips). I tied one end to the door knob, the other end had the spider. Kookoo came home and I was giddy with anticipation. She came into the room, grabbed something and left, all the while carrying on a conversation with one of our house mates in the kitchen. She hadn't even noticed. All was not lost though and I resorted to my sophisticated plan B. I called to her to come in the room! She swung the door open, the spider was pulled up the wall.. and she almost had a heart attack. We both struggled to breath. Her because she had been shocked and mortified. Me because I was so amused at my prank. She did eventually find it funny, but we called a truce on pranks after that.

Potty Time!

Ara sat on her potty today! She has had that potty chair for probably a year and up until now she mostly used it as toy storage. We had just come inside from doing yard work, well I was doing yard work she was jumping in puddles. She was wet so I stripped her down to her diaper and she turns to me.. points to her diaper and says, "off". I hesitated. Then I helped her take off her diaper. She held out her arm to take my hand and walked me to the potty! She sat her cute little butt right down on the potty chair, kinda sideways but ON THE POTTY!

This post brings me to this thought.

Someday Ara may read what I blogged about during her childhood.

She will read that I declared to the world that she sat naked on a toilet. Can you imagine reading YOUR Mother's blog, or diary, you know blog hard copy. I would be interested in something like that. To really know your parents when they were younger and to see how your accomplishments and milestones meant so much to them. I never really thought about how long my blog would live. I think I would feel sad if one day I didn't have the archives. I should print them and put them in Ara's memory box. I may not always be here and I would like to leave her a piece of me.

Super Serious Tortilla Association!

Tortilla Industry Association

Yup, there really is a tortilla industry association. Maybe that doesn't surprise you but it did me! I was googling tortilla recipes because I thought I might try to make some and I found it. It even has a missions statement!

To assist member
companies, and the industry as a whole, in efficient growth and
development, and
to promote the
consumption of
tortillas and related food products.

We need an association to encourage the consumption of tortillas?
What's next?
Where can i sign up for the association that promotes the consumption of Atomic Fireballs.. or ice cream!

Longest Day (before noon) Ever

So this morning we woke up late and my stomach was feeling queasy. We got A to work a half hour late and as he was getting out of the car I said, "I think the car needs gas, it's making that wierd grindy sound"...

You see we have an American made car (Dodge) and the electrical has been faulty ever since my Sister first owned it. Well now it's our car and sometimes the headlights and dashboard get temperamental and go out. You have to sort of jiggle and tap the switch to get them just right. The brakes squeek. A few weeks ago we had to get a new radiator. Every time you turn right there is a squeal sound. And it seems like it either drips or burns oil because we have to add a quart to it about twice a month. Oh and did I mention the speedometer, gas, and temperature meters usually don't work? That is the particular issue that caused my day to be so long ( I can never see how much gas there is).

...Just as we pulled out of A's work parking lot the car lost power. Why? Well "apparently" it needs gas to have power. I coasted through the intersection and barley made it into a bank parking lot. I parked all crooked because the steering wheel locked up when the car finally died for good. I called my aunt who lives about 15 minutes away. She came but had no gas can so she called my Sister. Until the calvary arrived Ara and I walked around. The part of town we were in is to swanky to be any fun. The closest shops were Pottery Barn, Giorgio Armani, the Apple Store, Starbucks, and a CVC pharmacy. All great to take a hungry toddler to at 9:30 am (insert sarcasm). We explored the exciting world of desert foliage growing on the side of the road until I started to freak out that there might be snakes. Then we just walked up and down the road, I didn't want to leave the car too far behind for when my Aunt got there. After she arrived we terrorized CVC pharmacy for another 30 minutes until my Sister got there. Emily came with gas and a smile that really helped cheer up my grumpy impatient Araness. Makes me feel bad for all those times I dressed Emily up like a doll and made her sit still. Or the time I thought it would be fun if I wrapped her up in a sheet and dragged her around the house. Or the "I'm going to tie you up to see if you can escape" game I made up. Well you get the picture. Anyway about an hour and a half later we were out of the 95 degree heat but starving and sweaty. We went straight to a gas station and filled up and then Ara got a Happy Meal with juice and fries! I always get her apples and milk so she was content with her bribe/reward. Then we finally were able to run all the boring errands I had planned; bank, grocery store, pay bills. I skipped the music store, I need to buy a bunch of books for my students but a store full of "no" didn't seem like a good idea. At the grocery store I entertained Ara with some plastic $1 cups that she could stack. She liked to stack them, count them, arrange them by color, and pretend there was something in there that she could feed to me. When we got to the register I bought them even though we don't need cups. The sight of home was a wonderful thing. I want one of those hybrid cars.. or even better a car that can run on hot air... or dirt... or dead grass.

Joey in the Mud!

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Originally uploaded by fluteloop

Joey wore this expression the whole day. You would think a Kinder gardener would relish the chance to be as muddy as he wanted without anyone stopping him. Personally I think kids actually enjoy getting dirty because they are not supposed to! This is proof. Ha! I have cracked the kid code! When my parents took me I remember being thrilled. I also remembered the mud pit being a bit more watery and less like brown cement.

(more mud monster below)

Mud Monster Pic

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Originally uploaded by fluteloop

I finally got one of those little zippy key USB things. I always call it the wrong thing.. I want to say key drive but it's really something else. Not a zip drive.. those were the old school floppy looking things. Oh oh a flash drive! Ok long meandering intro on the mud photo, sorry about that. Since I got my new Flash thing I was able to bring all of the pictures from my sister's computer home.

This is Ara in the main mud pit. She was really reluctant to touch or sit in the mud. I thought maybe it was because I seemed scared of it so I sat right down in it hoping to make her feel more comfortable. Turns out Ara wasn't taking her cue from me so I had mud covering the entire lower half of me for no reason. I'm talking serious mud too, heavy, thick, hard to wash off mud. My shoes are still sitting out by our back door. I'm thinking throwing them away will be far less effort than cleaning them!

Ara in room

Ara's new room
Originally uploaded by fluteloop

We went and got Ara the table and chairs we have been wanting for her room. Now she has a chair that is just her size. With all of the new toys she got I can barley coax her out of her room. You can't see it in the picture but there is a giant tee-pee in the middle of the room and a train track set up next to it. Just walking through is hazardous!

Ara and Grandpa

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Originally uploaded by fluteloop

Cousins

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Birthday girl

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Originally uploaded by fluteloop

It's Her Party!

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Originally uploaded by fluteloop

We celebrated Ara's Birthday today with family and friends. It was a wonderful day. Ara had a huge smile on her face the whole time and she ran around Peter Piper like she owned the place. With her family all around her she felt at ease and ready to explore. It is overwhelming to me to see how much happiness there is in watching your daughter grow. And in seeing how loved she is by her family. On this day in this hour it seems the world is a beautiful place and I am happy to be able to share her joy.

She is growing up!

Food stuff

Since I've been going low-carb healthy I have been trying some new recipes. I started with recipes from an Atkins cook book but then I started looking in a Mayo Clinic book we had and then.. I started watching the food network. I tried stuffed zucchini, low-carb lasagna, and a few other small meals. On the whole I have been pleasantly surprised with how non-horrible they were and Ara even seemed to like it. Feeling encouraged I have decided to try some of the dishes I have seen on this Italian lady's show on TV. Everything she makes sounds so delicious and I think I can alter most of the recipes' to be low-carb compliant. Anyway, it seems I CAN cook at a fairly competent level when I stay in the kitchen. I have been notorious in the past for ruining pans because I forgot I was boiling water. Yes, I have burned water haha. I have boiled spaghetti so mushy that it went through the holes in the strainer. So you can see that branching out beyond my Foreman Grill is a big deal! Yay me.

•••••

Recipes I want to try:

Grilled Chicken with Spinach and Pine Nut Pesto

2 boneless chicken breasts
2 cups lightly packed baby spinach leaves (about 2 ounces)
1/4 cup pine nuts, toasted
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 to 2 teaspoons grated lemon peel
1/3 cup plus 2 teaspoons olive oil
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1/3 cup freshly grated Parmesan

Heat a grill pan on medium high heat. Lightly oil the grill pan. Sprinkle the chicken with salt and pepper. Grill the chicken until cooked through, about 5 minutes per side.

Combine the spinach, pine nuts, lemon juice, and lemon peel in a processor. Lightly pulse. With the machine running, gradually add 1/3 cup of the oil, blending until the mixture is creamy. Add salt and pulse. Put half of the pesto into ice cube trays and store in the freezer for future use.

Transfer the rest of the spinach mixture to a medium bowl. Stir in the Parmesan. Season the pesto with salt and pepper, to taste.

Spread the pesto over each piece of chicken and serve.

•••••

Crunchy Parmesan Chicken Tenders Recipe courtesy Giada De Laurentiis Show: Everyday Italian Episode: Good Things Come in Small Packages

4 tablespoons plus 1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil 1 cup buttermilk 1 1/2 pounds chicken tenders (about 18) 3 large garlic cloves, minced 1/2 teaspoon salt 3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar Freshly ground black pepper 1 1/4 cups freshly grated Parmesan 3/4 cup Italian-style seasoned bread crumbsPreheat the oven to 500 degrees F. Brush 1 tablespoon of oil over each of 2 heavy large lined baking sheets. Place the buttermilk in a large bowl. Add the chicken tenders and stir to coat. Let stand at least 15 minutes and up to 30 minutes. Meanwhile, mash the garlic with the salt in a medium bowl. Whisk in the vinegar and then the remaining 1/2 cup of oil. Season the vinaigrette, to taste, with pepper. Transfer the vinaigrette to a small serving bowl. Stir the Parmesan and bread crumbs in a pie dish. Remove the chicken tenders from the buttermilk and dredge them in the bread crumb mixture to coat completely, pressing to adhere. Arrange the coated chicken tenders on the prepared baking sheets, spacing evenly. Drizzle the remaining 2 tablespoons of oil over the chicken tenders and bake until they are cooked through and golden brown, about 12 minutes. Transfer the chicken tenders to a platter and serve the vinaigrette alongside for dipping. ••••• Ara and I went to a craft store today. I love craft stores. There is something about craft stores and hardware stores that fascinate me. I bought beads and Ara and we made ourselves some jewelry, she is so cute when she wears it. She says it is, "pitty". We also got the last few goodies for our party bags. Another $100 trip to Target and I think we are done spoiling her for her birthday... Tomorrow yay.

Postage Due

So I've been getting kind of annoyed that hardly anyone has called to coo over how adorable Ara's invitations are and to tell me that they are coming. Then I find out from my Sister yesterday that their invitation JUST came that day. I sent them over a week ago.. and it's the same city! Then my Sister points out that it came stamped, "postage due". I live in a hole I swear! I had no idea that postage had gone up, I've been using the same stamp book for a while because I pay all of the bills except for rent via internet. So now i have to either buy 2 cent stamps for the 4 .39 cent stamps that I have left over or I can toss them and buy a new book. You know what else I just noticed... I can't find the "cent" symbol on my keyboard. Actually now that I think of it I haven't used a cent sign in a really long time.

Where has the cent sign gone?!

Save the cent sign!

I am still working on the 'less trash' thing by the way. Is it working? It's hard to say.. if it IS working then it is a pretty small percentage. I still feel like I throw a lot of trash. I have been trying not to buy things with individual packaging and I have been using a water bottle instead of drinking from Dasani bottles. I had a brilliant plan to use cloth bags for groceries but I use those for trash bags. So then I would just use a real trash bag and I don't see how that would reduce the amount of trash. I have also been interested in "green" cleaning products. I would like to use more environmentally friendly (and Ara friendly) products in place of Windex, Pinesol, Commet... The only thing is that I really love the disposable Clorox sheets for cleaning the bathroom. After every meal Ara goes in there to wash her hands and she leaves food smudges everywhere. I pull out a sheet and tada the bathroom is clean. I am addicted to "easy" and I don't want to give that up. I'm a terrible person lol. I want to save the environment (as long as it does not inconvenience me too much). *sticks a hypocrite sticker to her forehead and wears it proudly*


Ara Update:

Ara has been singing a lot. I am amazed at how well she knows a lot of the songs I sing and listen to in the car. Time to start censoring the music selections!

"Nemo watch?" She is totally into Nemo and this is how she asks to watch it. How cute is she?

Ara knows all the scary parts in Nemo and when one is getting close she comes to me, takes my hand, steers me to the TV, and uses my finger to turn it off.

We have been painting every day this week. Water colors and finger paints. Ara has this intensity that is shocking whenever she is being artistic. I used to paint in water colors pretty seriously and I LOVE sitting down to be creative again.

"Dori, Momma's favorite" Ara says this to everyone who greets her in stores. She is apparently thrilled to know what her Momma's favorite is.

Ara says "Bless you" now anytime someone sneezes. Now, if I could just get her to say "thank you".




I'm excited about her Birthday party on Saturday! You would think it was my party with how much I am looking forward to it.

Post-A lot of Stuff

Mud Monster: Last Saturday was a... unique experience. Ara and I seemed to both be in fairly irritable moods that day. We went with Victor, Cali, and Joey who all seemed to have a good time. There were 2 really cool looking mud obstacle courses, one of which was being used for organized races between different military and service branches. I heard Air Force vs. Navy and got to see some of the fireman vs. the police. All of the trophies were items left behind at the last mud monster, which now that I think of it I saw was back in 1989 so I guess someone has been keeping an old muddy shoe for all these years? There was one mud pit that was about knee deep all along the edges and had a high ground area in the middle. The mud in this pit was THICK and once your shoes and legs were coated in it you felt like you had weights on. There were also several "kid wash" stations which were basically a volunteer and a hose. The resulting puddles from the wash stations were pretty impressive in themselves and this is where Ara and I spent most of our time. The mud pit was just a bit overwhelming to Ara, she was basically stuck until I would move her to another spot to be stuck. She seemed to have some fun dropping Nemo and Dori into the mud puddles so we pretty much hung out there. There were tons of people and I admit I do not like crowds. My Mom says it's a phobia I have. I've personally always just thought.. I don't like crowds. I have never felt faint or fear just a general dislike of people being in my space! However, with Ara so mobile and so the same color as everyone else (mud color) I felt a lot of trepidation. I had dressed her in some of Joey's hand-me-downs in bright orange so everyone thought I had a cute little boy and I stuck to her like glue. I would sometimes even have the urge to push people who could dare be so insensitive as to get between me and my kid. I didn't though, but I would :P Anyway, it was a pretty exhausting day with the sun and the mud and the crowds. I remember it so vividly from when I was a kid so I hope that I was able to give Ara some of the same kidories. I took pictures on my sisters nice camera, when I could while dodging muddy water. I left the card in the camera when I returned the camera so I will have to post mud pictures another day. Most are of Ara looking "complainy" though, which was her general mood throughout the day.

My old quintet, minus the bassonist met for one last get together on Sunday. Brandon and Kelly are moving to Iowa next month so they can be closer to family. Now that Brandon has 2 kids and we have Ara it isn't like old times at all. Early dinner, talk of daycare and nap times, watch the kids play, and go home before 8 pm so we can get the kids to bed. I bet Alison and Charles find it oppressively dull. I have to admit I miss old times some. I want to laugh until I can't breath, argue over articulations with sir, and then go out for frappuccinos at 11 pm. Parenting is serious business so it's a good thing Ara cracks me up so much.

I have been listening to the few potter pod casts that have come out post-book 7 and I am dying to discuss the book with Megan. The student that comes to my house on Tuesdays is a fan and I have to really hold back when she is playing a scale and an idea pops into my head. I'm like, "Nice scale or whatever.. SOOO what did you think of Molly Weasley??". It's bad.

U Tube flute player

Beat boxing flute player...

I am amused and in awe lol. One of my students kept telling me to check out u tube for flute. I've obviously seen a lot of u tubeness but it never ever occurred to me to look for flute related performances. It just goes to show that we live in an iWorld. Still, it's cool^^

Radiator and Mud

Ara and I spent all day at my Dad's house today while he put a new radiator in our car. That car has so many things wrong with it now, I think we are just barely prolonging it's sad life. The radiator was still under warranty so it was free but you do get what you pay for I guess considering it is the same as the one that lasted only 2 years. My Dad worked out in the heat for a good 7 hours. He is relentless, never coming in for breaks or even food. He always says, "I'll eat later" when I ask. I look forward to some day buying a new car, my Dad won't have to fix.

I am taking Ara to something call "Mud Monster" tomorrow along with my nephew; Joey and my brother and his girlfriend. I remember going to it when I was a kid. Something like this stays in a kid's memory forever! Basically at the largest park in out city there will be huge mud pits and mud obstacle courses. You take your kids there dressed in their play clothes and actually let them play in thick mud that is about thigh high (this is remembered from a kids point of view). I invited my cousin and her kids as well. I won't have to tell Ara "no" when she wants to get dirty! How liberating. Just yesterday, walking through the grocery store parking lot Ara discovered jumping in puddles. I let her for a while but then became grossed out with the water and coaxed her inside the store. I'm excited, it's too bad it means waking up early on a Saturday morning! It's worth it though for the great pictures alone that will make her Mamah (Grandma) cringe and laugh :P

"Curiosity"

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Originally uploaded by fluteloop

I've sent out the invitations to her party, I already have the decorations (Elmo), Ara's aunt is taking care of the cake (last year mine was a tiny bit of a disaster), and I feel cautiously prepared! Ara's new favorite character is Nemo, the fish. She has a Nemo and a Dory bath toy that she has started carrying around with her. It's so cute, in the car she sits there pretending they are talking to each other and swimming. I have to remind myself to drive and not watch Ara in her beautiful pretend world. A and I have been talking over how we are going to work his new work schedule into my Fall teaching. We would both be gone until after 6 pm which is later than most Daycares will keep kids. Plus the idea of my Ara sitting in a school until that time breaks my heart. So, it is with much regret that I have decided to pass my East side studio on to another lucky teacher. I feel sad about this, but I feel good about being there for Ara. I will be teaching 1.5, maybe 2 days a week now. I don't know why that scares me. Letting go, making change. Giving up something I worked so hard to build. Trusting the students I have grown to love to another teacher.

I miss the days when emotions were simple.
One emotion please.
It seems I feel "torn" about everything.
I feel sad about giving up my studio.
I feel good about the decision.
I want to be home with my daughter.
I want to maintain my sense of self and do the things that fulfill me. Blah blah blah.

My train of thought just ran out of track.

Hopefully I will be seeing some of my old quintet this weekend before Brandon "Horn dog" (a reference to his instrument not what you were thinking!) moves out of state. Also, if Megan's life slows down a little I might get to hash out some Harry Potterisms over lunch! /happy

Oh a side note... I think Safeway has started offering delivery of groceries in my area! A didn't seem to excited about this.. but I am! You click, click, click and if you spend over $50 you get them delivered FREE! Also, if you order before 9:30 am they will deliver them the same day. This is pure genius at work. Don't call me lazy until you shop with a 2 year old. Now.. if I could con someone else into going to the laundromat I would be content.

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Originally uploaded by fluteloop

We gave Ara one of her Birthday presents early (because we are like kids on Christmas morning when it comes to making her smile). It was an Imaginarium train set and she absolutely LOVED it. We sat there with tears in our eyes watching her make train noises and "fix" the tracks. Yeah, this won't be her only Birthday gift you can be sure of that!

Ara at my Mom's

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Originally uploaded by fluteloop

We went over to my Mom's for her Birthday. I just love that she looks so relaxed and happy in this picture.

First Impressions of the Hallows

Spoiler Warning: DO NOT read if you have not finished the book!


Pre-order you Harry Potter... pft.

I didn't get my book until 5 pm on the 21st, a huge disappointment to me. I could have walzed down to Safeway when I woke up and had a copy faster.

Anyway, I read all Saturday and Sunday night when I could (after Ara was in bed) and I finished on Monday. Since I have finished I felt strangely reluctant to talk about the book. Right at the beginning of the book I was devastated by Hedwig's death. When it seemed like Hagrid would die as well... I almost put the book down. If J.K. had killed Hagrid right then I was prepared to walk away.

Too much!
Too soon!
I cried about Hedwig. I cried (a lot) about Dobby. By the time Fred died I felt numb about it. I was so afraid that the twins would be ripped apart and they were! I really wish that she had included George in the epilogue... how did he cope? Did he go on with the business? Did he have a family and name his son Fred? I feel like I need to read it again. A lot of my questions went unanswered and I have to admit I felt a little cheated with some of the cheap plot tricks J.K. used. The ever so convenient chat Deam and the Goblin had right outside the tent. The "chat" with Dumbledore in King's Cross. The fact that the fire was, gasp one of the substances that can destroy a horcrux. Ron imitating parsletongue. Lalala. It may sound like I didn't like the book. I did like the book though. It's just that we waited with such anticipation to know answers and we cared so much about the characters that it was a let down to be left with so many questions. I am, however so happy that Harry, Ron, and Hermione lived and that they went on to have full lives. It was nice that in the end it wasn't just some stroke of luck that saved Harry. Or, for that matter that he didn't seem to all-of-the-sudden be some super wizard. I still miss Hedwig though.

HP Movie

Movie Spoiler warning:

We saw the movie last night and I was (as always) so excited and I probably had unrealistic expectations. None the less I felt disappointed. I really felt they missed the mark with a lot of important plot points. The end I felt, really blew by the grief we see Harry going through after Sirius dies which is an important moment for Harry and for the plot of the book. Also, Dumbledore is like "Sup, yo. Did I mention you have to kill or be killed and that is your fate?" "P.s. this info is why your mom and dad died". Could that conversation have been more casual and unimportant? The other part that really bothered me was the dual (that spelling looks wrong). I will have to re-read the chapter but I have a much more confident and in-control Dumbledore in my memory. I also thought that they left out some very important dual "smack talk" moments. Like when Dumbledore calls Voldy "Tom" which seems to un-nerve him. And when D tells V that there are things worse than death. This sends the message to V that D KNOWs about the things that I can't spell that start with an H! I DID like Umbridge's character and especially her little "hem hem". I liked the DA scenes! Centaurs were nice and scary. Did not like the modifications in the story when the DA is ratted out. I missed the music most of all I think though. John Williams themes seem crucial to me and the movie felt strange without them. Also, no Hedwig at all!? Oh and I really wanted to see more of the pranks the twins pulled when they left school. Particularly the swamp! My favorite scene.. when Ron and Harmione are setting up to stun each other and Neville gives him that male solidarity look! I am super tired for some reason. I will look up the spelling tomorrow when I can see clearly again.

Mostly Harry

The picture is just a weird bug I saw on the side of our house.

I can't believe I let the opening of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix sneak up on me! I don't have tickets to see it on the day it opens and I am officially bummed. I probably won't get to see it until the weekend and that is only if I can find someone to watch my little tornado or a toddler. Truth be told I am more excited about the book on the 21st. I have had that ordered forever now and I can't wait. As soon as Ara goes to bed I will be curled up in bed with my book, my ipod, and a big glass of ice to chew on. Ice is my new best friend and yes I KNOW it's bad for my teeth. I am on day 8 of eating 0 carbs and I need the crunchy. Ice keeps my mind off of other yummy things. Something new to read will be lovely though. There is nothing like having a book you like to climb inside. I am just sad that this is the last one. It was nice to look forward to the newest HP all these years. The last one came out the summer I was super pregnant and I cried and cried through the last 2 chapters. I don't know if it was that I was overly emotional or if I am just a shmuck. I guess we will find out with this book. I've read some of the predictions about Harry surviving. A couple forum threads and an article on MSN. My own personal hope is that Harry does survive but I am afraid someone else good will die. I think maybe the Weasly twins will have an important role, they are brilliant, daring, and visible with their shop in Diagon Alley. I will be happy as long as the whole Weasly family, Harry, Hermione, and Hagrid (and Fang) live. I think we will find out that Snape really was acting on Dumbledore's orders when he killed him and that Dumbledore had some plan for such an event. He does seem to be tied to the Phoenix and the bird does have extraordinary powers where death is concerned. I am curious to see how Draco's part plays out because I think that he is mostly show and possible not as bad as he comes off. A lot of the predictions foresaw Harry's demise and I think I would just feel cheated if that happened. All this time we have been watching him grow and develop I hope it was not so that we could also see him die. I plan to read this series to Ara when she is 11 I hope I don't have to send a howler to J.K. after this book is released!

So I was emptying the trash from the car then I came inside and thought I need to take this trash out too. Then I thought.. I'm tired of trash. Everyday there is trash. Why do we have so much trash? What is in the trash? How can I reduce the amount of trash we have to throw into the garbage can and then into the landfills? I think this would be a good goal for me. Trashless in 2007! No, thats not catchy...

Tired Thoughts

I woke up at 8 am this morning and I was sweating it is that hot. So after we dropped A off at work Ara and I stopped off at Walmart to get her one of those floaties that have a little seat in them and some spray on sunblock. Then we were off to my Dad's house to swim. As soon as we entered the neighborhood Ara says, "Jojo Pweeez". So cute. We had a nice mid morning in the pool. The new foatie worked pretty well. It gave Ara a little freedom and it let her practice blowing bubbles and kicking her legs. She still get so frustrated that she can't move around the pool like Jojo. It won't be long though. For now she settles for constantly counting to three and watching me dunk myself in the water.

I am tired and already forgot why I was talking about the swimming. I think I had a cute story in mind...

On an unrelated topic we are being invaded by super-poison-resistant ants. The are EVERYWHERE. In the bed, clean clothes, living room, bedrooms, kitchen, cat food container... We have sprayed the outside and dropped those ant killer traps around but they march on and on and on. I will be so happy to NOT spend another summer in this house. Nononono!

This is my 4th day back on super duper torture diet. I am completely cutting out grains, fruits, sugar, and caffeine. It's hard and I am getting pretty sick of salad with no dressing. Yuk! It's the strangest thing I have been craving cake above all other carbolicious things. You never get to eat cake unless there is a party. I want cake! Cake would make me feel happy. Oh with a strawberry milkshake. And something chocolate.

Ara's Birthday is coming up and I'm so excited! I can't believe 2 years old already. I need to look around for a place to have the party. Last year was Peter Piper's land of super-loud-kids. I can't take that level of noise again. I think I'll order a cake this time, last years cake fiasco still burns in my memory!

I'm tired. I'm going to set my ipod to sleep in 30 minutes and fall asleep to some Harry I think.

Dinner out

 

"Ara, what does a frog say?"
"Bibbit"

"What does a kitty say?"
"Me-wow"

"What does a dog say?"
"Wuff wuff shlooop shloop (licking sound)"

"What does a cow say?"
"Moooooooooooooooo"

"What does an owl say?"
"Who whooo"

"What does Daddy say?"
"..."

Dream house

My Brother has offered to help me make a playhouse/sandbox for Ara. He made one for Joey a while back and Ara loved playing in it. His original design was a super simple box made of plywood. Since I want to make one for Ara now I've sort of made it a tad more complicated. For starters I want the floor to slide out so that there can be a sandbox underneath (protected from cats who like to pee in sand). Also I made the roof a slope instead of flat and it is made of UV blocking fabric to allow for more airflow. One side I will leave open so that it can also be a stage for singing and dancing. I plan to have a curtain on the open side as well for dramatic effect. And, yes we will be painting murals on it!

Ara is my laundry helper!

"What?! I am your laundry helper today?"

"Working hard pushing the laundry card around and making car noises"

"Pink milk break while we wait for the clothes to dry!"

Computer dumb.

KCAL did an undercover camera investigation to which computer repair places were incompetent/scammers. They took perfectly working computers and just disconnected the cable from the hard drive to the motherboard, then took the computers to different repair shops to see what they said.

The results were varied and shocking:

Best Buy: Said needed a new power supply
Circuit City: $59.99 "The jumper was set wrong"
COMPUsa: Charged $119.99, their minimum charge, but correctly diagnosed and fixed the problem
Fry's: $69.99, fixed all good
Torrence Computer Repair (local): Fixed, at no charge b/c it was so easy
BM (local)I: $275 due to "power short," as the "main board" and "hard drive" were "bad"

Link to the video

catch that toddler!

Ara has been testing her boundaries lately. In the library we were sitting down building block towers and she walks slowly around the corner and then when she is just out of sight of me she breaks into an all out run. I get up and realize she is running towards the doors and sprint towards her. She very nearly made it to the automatic doors. Mere feet from the parking lot. It freaks me out that she has such little fear and I am not all together sure how to deal with this behavior. I want her to stay near me not the other way around. She is so confident that I will follow and keep her safe. She runs from me giggling when I follow like we are playing chase. What do I do? After the library I did some thinking about how to handle it. Later that day we all went to Barnes and Nobles because I wanted to look up potty training books. Ara had her Daddy's hand and leading him around looking at the children's section. Then she drops his hand and runs like a mad woman again. He looked surprised which I was a little glad to see. At least it isn't just me! We both chased after her and after we caught her I took her straight outside the store. Once outside I put her down and bent down to talk to her face to face. I explained that when she ran away I felt worried. I offered her a choice to return to the store and stay by me or go home. It was text book parent class technique. She didn't get it at all. The look on her face plainly said she didn't understand the choice I was giving her. Since she didn't choose to stay near me we did go home. Great. Fail. The logic is there I suppose, every time she runs I will immediately leave the store we are in. In this instance, and I suspect in future instances this consequence will be more punishment for me than for Ara. We talked about other possible solutions. The only other we could come up with is the "kid leash". I WOULD feel more at peace using a leash somewhere where I felt it would be dangerous for her to be separated from me. Like the Mall or places where she could get to the street easily. My worry is that the leash teaches her nothing. I want her to understand the why.

On another topic it is time to start potty training. I have been dreading this stage because I really don't know where to start. We got her a toilet a while ago but she mostly uses it to play. She thinks it is entertaining to put toys into it and then close the lid. I looked at some books at the store (before I was forced to leave) and the advice seemed sound. I am not sure she is really really ready. We haven't been taking about the difference between wet and dry and she really doesn't seem to know when she is going. One of the books suggested making a routine and putting her on a toilet every 2 hours. I will try that.. I guess.

Great Expectations

I need to find a way to stop being mad about petty things. I get so disappointed when people don't live up to my expectations. When "A" does things that seem insensitive or thoughtless in my opinion it hurts my feelings and that is my problem. So what if he thinks of only himself when we have ants in the bed. Am I going to let that make me feel mad and wrinkle my eyebrows for days? Why? It's not like it will change the fact. So I think to myself that the problem is how I see the situation and how I deal with it. I have this expectation that "A" should think of my needs like I do his. He has a different expectations. We never really talked about how we saw a man and a woman's "role" when there were kids. All of the time that I worked and he didn't there was never any effort on his part to "take care" of me. To be honest I didn't really expect it myself. I never expected anyone to pack a lunch, cook a dinner, do my laundry, or clean the house for me. I thought we should do it all together. Now that the tables have turned and he is working and I am staying home with Ara I see that there is a double standard. Big time. There is just more expected of a woman. Everyone does it. Even me. So I see the expectations are there for me to be home with Ara and do ALL of the other household chores while juggling my teaching responsibilities and chaffering "A" to and from work. Is this a lot to ask? Sure. Can I do it? Damn right. But I can't go on feeling cheated. I constantly look at how unfair it is that the family responsibilities are split 80/20%. "A's" Mom actually told me once when I was mad that I should feel lucky that I have a man who is around. At the time it pissed me off more. I should just thank my lucky stars that a man stuck around and just be grateful I am not all alone. Ok so I suppose I should be thankful for that. The truth is that things could be so much worse. The truth is that I DO have it good. It seems all relative. We have been through hard times and still found a way to be happy with what we have. Then it seems, for me I have a hard time finding happiness when life is handing me flowers. Our relationship isn't perfect but I can't think of anyone who has a perfect relationship. So what do I want? What do I expect? When I know these things I think it will be easier to find acceptance within myself.