Pictures with very few Words!

Ara and her reflection as she gazes at the lion enclosure at the zoo.


...

A day at the park! Ara has no fear and can go down even the tallest slides without any help!

Ara Mp3

purplecar.mp3

I have been recording Ara talking while she sits at the table doing art.

I left the door open because it was such a lovely evening and all three of us were in the kitchen. Ara looked out the door where she could see our car sitting there and she said, "the purple car is sad". I think maybe because the car was outside and we were all inside, either way I just thought it was adorable.

What mothers are really worth?

Every weekend A and I have the same problem, he feels like his days off should be more relaxing and I feel like I never get days off.  Yesterday we had a short argument.  I was mad because he is always conveniently missing when diapers need to be changed, nap time is approaching, meals need to be prepared, or Ara needs a bath.  In fact I would say he has given her a bath on his own probably twice in the past year.  That is not to say that he hasn't sometimes helped wash her hair or watched her while I ran to get something.  This is the norm though, I am in charge of all of Ara's basic needs all the time.  I basically run every single aspect of our lives.  I can't say I don't empathize with him when he has had a hard week, like he had last week and he wants some R&R time.  Of course I understand I want some down time too!  I have on several occasions noticed he looked tired and short tempered and offered to take Ara on outings to give him time to himself.  The weekend before last I took her to my Dad's while I taught and then spent the day there.  Alex had more than 8 hours of alone time.  I can't even explain what I would give to have eight whole hours to myself. 

I love that I am raising my daughter.  I love that Ara smiles when I say she is in Mommy school.  I know that everyday I spend with her I am making a difference. 

These are important things to know.  I have in the past struggled with our decision to keep her out of daycare.  I have struggled with my own feelings of self worth.  This is probably something that every person goes through.

Being a first time Mom I still feel like I am in the Novice levels and there are a lot of aspects of stay at home Mom-ing that surprise me.  Not the least of which is a significant number of people I interact with (including my Mother-in-law) give me the impression that they think I do nothing all day.  Perhaps raising children is a mystery to parents who have not done it 24/7.  How could the booming childcare industry get away with charging parents over $100 a day if this were an easy job?  That's right, $110 for 6-8 hours of childcare.  I am on call 24 hours a day.  I am only physically apart from Ara for 4 hours on Saturday while I work.  I don't get sick days, vacation days, or overtime pay.  

I don't mean to sound like this isn't my choice and that I don't feel lucky to have this opportunity.  I also don't care if those people give me condescending looks when they ask what I did all day.  What I want is some effort and appreciation on A's part for the role I play in our family.  During our argument yesterday day he pointed out that we ate dinner out a lot last week and that he felt that was giving me a break.  I pointed out that he left work at 5 pm and asked him when he felt my job ended?  It's nice to eat out and not have to worry about cooking and cleaning but why is that my sole responsibility?  Didn't I put in my 8 hours of work the same as him?  Didn't I already prepare and clean up after 2 meals during the day?  The world needs to get wise.  Mother's work damn hard and we are the toughest most passionate people around.  I should have the final say in all things including but not limited to physical pain (hello drug free birth), emotional pain, love, sleep derivation, frustration, and joy. 

I looked up Stay-at-Home parent on salary.com to see what my current market value is the following is a quote:

"Based on a 90-hour work week, Salary.com has estimated that a fair wage for the typical stay-at-home mom would be well over $90,000 for executing all of her daily tasks. Factor in overtime, and the appropriate salary takes a leap of around $25,000."

I have vented and I feel a bit better.  After our argument I felt frustrated and impotent.  I stay at home and in the eyes of society at large and A that is something small and insignificant.  But, in the eyes of my daughter that is everything.

A Sunday Afternoon~

Library

Story time:  Every Thursday Ara and I head to the library for Toddler Storytime.  The conference room is usually packed full with 2-3 year olds and their grown-ups.  The grown-ups are mostly Mom's but there is always a smattering of Dads and Grandparents.  We all sit on the floor and enjoy a half hour of singing, dancing, and yes even a few stories.  Ara still has a very hard time sitting still.  You can see she is bursting with excitement and anticipation of her favorite songs and sitting still is almost more than she can take.  As adorable as I think this is I worry that I am not teaching her how to behave in certain situations.  When I say that I feel like such a prude.  Why shouldn't a 2 year old be boisterous and bouncy when in a room of her tiny peers?  It seems natural.  I hate that I always have to be the advocate for conforming!  I am like the borg (nerdy trekie reference sorry).  I feel self conscious about it because I look around at a the majority of kids sitting on the grown-ups laps looking quite content.  What is expected of me?  Should I force Ara to sit with me while she squirms and screams?  Is the fact that she squirms and screams a sign that I have already failed to show her how to act?  One of the teachers at the parent class told me that I need to tell Ara that "we" sit still at storytime and if "we " can't then we should go.  I tried that, the problem is that she is half way across the room before I have finished the sentence.  So I tried prepping her ahead of time.  The day before, the morning of, in the car on the way.  It boils down to the one unavoidable truth: it's my fault!  For every undesirable behavior your little angel exhibits you share the blame.  What could I have done to prevent this?  What should I do in the future?  How can I help her to understand?  My problem is that I also struggle with the "why" I have to stop her from being her.  I love that she is creative, spontaneous, enthusiastic, and out going.  I don't want to take that out of her.  I also don't want her to miss out on an important lesson that would help her in the future.  Maybe I missed an important lesson when I was growing up.. I seem to lack the ability to make up my mind!  I want what is best for Ara and overall I feel good about taking her to these things and I feel good about the progress she is making.  She talks about her friends at the library with a huge smile and that makes me feel like a good mom!

Making-ed a snow man!

Ara has been on a mission to prove to us that our baby proofing efforts no long apply to her! 

In her room she has a dresser for her clothes and a second plastic dresser for pajamas and diaper changing supplies.  Last week I put her down for a nap and after about a half hour of silence I hear her adorable little voice singing songs.  She does that sometimes to fall back asleep so I wasn't concerned I let her sing thinking she would be a sleeping angel again in no time.  I was wrong so very wrong.  She did quiet down, but instead of sleeping like I assumed, she was exploring her room in the dark. 

She called out to me about an hour later and as I opened the door I was surprised to find her standing there.  I reached out to her before turning on the light and when I touched her hair I recoiled!  I flipped the light switch and saw a strange sight.  I said, "Ara, what is this all over you?".  Then I looked into the room... the first thing I noticed was the pile of cotton balls on her bed.  Then the pile of wipes next to her bed.  Then the diaper drawer standing open with a smattering of diapers around it.  Finally I noticed the diaper cream tube at the center of a very gooey white mess.  I looked back down at Ara and she smiled. 

She looked proudly at her work and told me, "Making-ed a snow man!". 

She was absolutely covered in diaper cream, her hair was stiff and sticking straight up, her arms were white, even the inside of her nostrils!  I guided her to the kitchen sink where I started to undress her, all the while trying (unsuccessfully) to not become covered in white myself.  When I pulled down her diaper I discovered that it was full of poop and that the containment barrier had broken!  So there I am, my shirt covered in diaper cream, my hands smeared with poop.  My daughter is in an even worse state and I just had to laugh a little.  What amazing havoc a small person can cause. 

I washed her hair 5 times, it still felt all stiff and weird and smelled very strange.  She complained loudly while I cleaned it out of her ears and nose.  The cream itself refuses to come out of her clothes and the smell is probably permanent in her bedroom carpet. 

My only regret is that I didn't take a picture.

And, yes we did remove all diaper related items from her room!

She also recently discovered that toy boxes can be emptied, turned over, and used as ladders to reach things up high. 

She can climb anything but she especially likes to climb all of the ladders (otherwise know as bookshelves) around the house.

She can open doors now.

She can reach all of the old places we use to put things she shouldn't have!  So now those things are so high even I can't reach them half the time!

The list goes on and on.  Sometimes I long for the pre-crawling days where she would stay right where you put her!  Mostly, though I am in awe at her development and although I try not to show it, I am amused by her catastrophes.

Don't Hate my French Fries!

Grocery List (boring huh?)

Dairy milk eggs x2 cheddar cheese (shredded) heavy cream swiss cheese cream cheese mozzarella	Deli lunch meat provolone ham	Bread croissant
Meat frozen chicken ground beef wafer thin beef steaks (philly gormet) breakfast sausage bacon	Drink/Snack sugar free jello salsa gatoraid	Sauce/Spice tartar sauce oldbay seasoning onion powder dry onions taco seasoning soup packet lowcarb italian dressing can green chillies
Vegetables onion mushrooms (sliced) baby spinach grape tomatoes avacado celery green onion red and green bell peppers roma tomatoes iceburg lettuce	Frozen chopped broccoli	Misc Chips for lunches

Bed Head

Ara's bed broke! The wooden part that holds the mattress cracked. So for the past two days we have been prowling websites looking at reviews, prices, and availability of toddler beds. We considered a twin bed but it's a big change and a big investment. The toddler bed makes sense because she can use it for a few years still and we can continue to use the mattress from her crib.

We ended up deciding on a bed available at Walmart.. so we went there tonight to find that our Walmart has only a fraction of the beds we saw online. We got one of two models they had in stock. Not our first choice but acceptable. Ara chose a new blanket and sheet set (Dora the Explorer) and she seems excited about the idea of a "big girl bed".

I just hope she sleeps in it!

(I think it's going to be soo cute)


On an unrelated note I think I'm dying.

I have been having massive headaches and the back of my head is actually sore to the touch. As if I hit it on something.. but I didn't! Also my left eyebrow has been twitching for probably 5 days and it is really starting to freak me out. What could that be?!

Funny

This and That

Ara has been into grouping things together. She lines up all her trains or animals in a neat little line with such concentration. She likes to talk about things that go together like; cars and trucks, Joejoe and Auntie Em, Hugs and kisses.

So the other day she is sitting with us and she says, "Momma and Daddy".

We exclaim happily at her observation.

The she says, "Like peepee and poopoo".

Nice comparison lol.

Love my Nano!

I am enjoying my new Nano so much! I have been mostly watching Digg nation podcasts but since my old one was missing for so long it's even great just to HAVE my music with me. A bought me one of those iPOD docks with speakers and it's so easy just to pop it in there. Music makes every task seem more fun and it just puts me in a good mood. Ara and I have enjoyed many crazy dance parties in the kitchen since the pod and the dock came to our house!

Cute Video Blog

I searched "harry potter" on You Tube and this video blog came up. I thought she was funny and cute so I spent part of the morning with the laptop on the counter playing her stuff while I cleaned up and made lunch. Her name is Natalie (I think) and she is from Australia :D I've always wanted to do something like that.. it looks like fun!

Return Karma

I have a new super cute blue/green Nano! My Dad, Brother, Sister, and Grandma all pitched in and bought me an 8 gig adorable iPod. I was so happy about finding my old one and so you wouldn't think I would be THIS excited about the new one, but I am! Woo hoo. It's so pretty and shiny and small.... and it plays video. Plus the screen is a lot bigger than I thought it would be. It's much larger than the old Nano.

My Sister just had her shuffle stolen along with her jacket at work.. so I gave her my old (but still loved) Nano. Everyone was happy.

The end.

Just kidding! My Grandma took us all out to dinner and it was a lovely Birthday!~

A is taking me tonight to get new clothes and a new iPod case.

I felt loved and special. It was a good Birthday.

Christmas Pictures

birthday eve

So today is the eve of my birthday and.. coincidentally the eve of a new calendar year. Double whammy for me with the whole starting over/resolution thing. I usually don't like making resolutions, because I hate to start a year with unrealistic expectations and then have the beginning marred with disappointment. Hi, I'm pessimistic and why is my glass always half empty? This year, however I feel resolution-ie! I've been compiling a pretty impressive list in my notebook. Really though how can a list of resolutions compete with the other list of... what I want for my birthday! Hehe.

Wish List:
I want world peace.
I want a new phase for Ara so we can stop with the "no-want-um" attitude!
I want the world to promise to be kind to my baby girl.
I want one of those pedometer watches that shows how fast and far you are going and how many calories you have burned!
I want carbs to be good for you.

Oh oh oh.. yesterday my good return karma kicked in. I had just started to accept that I really had lost my iPod forever since it had been gone since before Christmas. Then I was packing up my flute bag after practicing and I noticed there was something inside the zipper pocket. BAM it's my pretty pod! A looked a little disappointed when I came bouncing into the room with it, he says he had planned to buy me a new iPod for my birthday which is super sweet!

Through a Haze of Cold and Tiredness.

I'm starting to really freak out about how little I am practicing for my pic concerto. Freak out gogogo!

Ara and I were down in the dumps yesterday all sick and grumpy and tired and did I mention grumpy?

So yesterday morning, probably around 10 am I notice my phone is saying I have a voice mail. It's A's Brother in law saying that we are all having dinner tomorrow night at 5:30pm at blahblah restaurant. I knew the 27th was her birthday but I just assumed they picked Friday to do dinner. Wrong. 5:15pm rolls around and we are all in the car headed home and we get a call from A's Mom... who is at the restaurant. We have a fight because A is annoyed that I misunderstood the message and I am annoyed that he has the audacity to be annoyed with me for that (plus I'm sick and generally annoyed at anything in my path). I was dressed particularly bummy and my hair was a mess, and I was like... "no way am I going into a nice place looking like this!" The whole time this is happening Ara is like having a melt down fit in the back seat, which makes for a really nice calming ambiance lol. In my head I'm thinking about how A chose to go to his Mom's for Christmas instead of coming with Ara and me to my Dad's like we had planned (this was after his sister's morning thing with all of his family). I was pretty pissed about that and dropping him off at a restaurant with grumpy screaming Ara is feeling like a pretty good plan to me. As I watched him trying to clean her face with a wipey I started to melt a little. Sure, I felt like he bailed on Christmas but they might need me since baby girl was so cranky. Plus, his Mom would probably hold it against me for the rest of my life. So, I brushed my hair and threw on a headband put on my jacket and went inside. While we were sitting at the table I wished I could sink into the floor. I had visions of pulling my jacket over my head and slumping down in my chair. The restaurant was called Zona, and it reeked of something stinky and fishy. All the waitresses had their hair in the "don't I look cute with my super messy pony-tail" and kind of made me thing of like.. I don't know some sort of softball team or something. Ara was quiet and clingy and sweet. She didn't eat a thing. The food was good and brother-in-law's parents found a root in their salad so they got their meals for free. I'm really tired.. I planned on going to bed an hour ago and I've already forgotten where I was going with this story.

A Pile of Presents

Christmas was exhausting!

Ara got a bazillion presents including a new wardrobe and trains of every size.

We did our usual family musical chairs, it is so tiring having parents that are not together. I saw my Mom, we took showers at A's Mom's, then we saw A's dad at his sisters house.. then we hauled ass to my Dad's to cook dinner (since our water was still off, a whole separate issue) and this was just Christmas eve! Our water pipes have broken on the roof 3 times this week alone. We have gone a total of 6 days without water.. which is annoying to say the least. I don't pretend to know anything about pipes or plumbing.. but I think I know enough to say.. our land lord sucks. Well we have water now, and we are catching up on all the lost sleep!

The end.

A Fishy Night.

Update:
My Grandma is in town from California. This makes me happy.
Christmas shopping is done.
Tomorrow is clean/laundry for the holiday. This makes me tired.
I'm a sicky. Achy, low fever, grumpy, and tired.
I had dinner with Megan on Monday.
I've been watching the Christmas episodes of Friends from my DVD's.


Ara Update:
Ara jumped in her first jumping castle with the big kids!
She says it was a "little scary".
She might be getting sick too.


So last week we had Ara spend a night over at my Dad's so that A and I could have a night alone to relax before he went back to work. We had dinner at Chilli's and then watched the latest Borne movie with all our favorite movie time snacks. It was really nice but it felt like time flew by and before we knew it we were picking Ara up the next morning. She had caused some havoc and everyone looked exhausted. Apparently in the middle of the night she slipped out of bed and found the "Mommy backpack (or packpack as Ara calls it). She rummaged around until she found a packet of instant oatmeal I had packed for her breakfast. She then crawled into Papa's bed and covered him in oatmeal while he slept. He woke up feeling something wasn't right and then was surprised to find his face covered in dry oatmeal. He coaxed her back to bed and promptly fell asleep. Ara wasn't sleepy yet though.. and I'm guessing she felt that she needed some moisturizing because her next exploration trip took her to the bathroom, where you guessed it.. she found the scented lotion. Once again she climbed in bed with Papa where she coated herself in lotion. Her hair, face, pajamas, and of course her hands. My Dad awoke again and reach out in the darkness when he touched Ara he pulled his hand back. He says when he touched something cold and slimy he thought he had touched a fish or something. I chuckle a little about that lol. At least it was lotion she had in his bed and not a slimy fish from the refrigerator I guess. With a 2 year old it is always best to consider how much worse a situation could be and then try to be thankful instead of irritated!

Sweet.

A friend suggested these to me.. the first made me cry and the second made me smile.