Ara is my laundry helper!

"What?! I am your laundry helper today?"

"Working hard pushing the laundry card around and making car noises"

"Pink milk break while we wait for the clothes to dry!"

Computer dumb.

KCAL did an undercover camera investigation to which computer repair places were incompetent/scammers. They took perfectly working computers and just disconnected the cable from the hard drive to the motherboard, then took the computers to different repair shops to see what they said.

The results were varied and shocking:

Best Buy: Said needed a new power supply
Circuit City: $59.99 "The jumper was set wrong"
COMPUsa: Charged $119.99, their minimum charge, but correctly diagnosed and fixed the problem
Fry's: $69.99, fixed all good
Torrence Computer Repair (local): Fixed, at no charge b/c it was so easy
BM (local)I: $275 due to "power short," as the "main board" and "hard drive" were "bad"

Link to the video

catch that toddler!

Ara has been testing her boundaries lately. In the library we were sitting down building block towers and she walks slowly around the corner and then when she is just out of sight of me she breaks into an all out run. I get up and realize she is running towards the doors and sprint towards her. She very nearly made it to the automatic doors. Mere feet from the parking lot. It freaks me out that she has such little fear and I am not all together sure how to deal with this behavior. I want her to stay near me not the other way around. She is so confident that I will follow and keep her safe. She runs from me giggling when I follow like we are playing chase. What do I do? After the library I did some thinking about how to handle it. Later that day we all went to Barnes and Nobles because I wanted to look up potty training books. Ara had her Daddy's hand and leading him around looking at the children's section. Then she drops his hand and runs like a mad woman again. He looked surprised which I was a little glad to see. At least it isn't just me! We both chased after her and after we caught her I took her straight outside the store. Once outside I put her down and bent down to talk to her face to face. I explained that when she ran away I felt worried. I offered her a choice to return to the store and stay by me or go home. It was text book parent class technique. She didn't get it at all. The look on her face plainly said she didn't understand the choice I was giving her. Since she didn't choose to stay near me we did go home. Great. Fail. The logic is there I suppose, every time she runs I will immediately leave the store we are in. In this instance, and I suspect in future instances this consequence will be more punishment for me than for Ara. We talked about other possible solutions. The only other we could come up with is the "kid leash". I WOULD feel more at peace using a leash somewhere where I felt it would be dangerous for her to be separated from me. Like the Mall or places where she could get to the street easily. My worry is that the leash teaches her nothing. I want her to understand the why.

On another topic it is time to start potty training. I have been dreading this stage because I really don't know where to start. We got her a toilet a while ago but she mostly uses it to play. She thinks it is entertaining to put toys into it and then close the lid. I looked at some books at the store (before I was forced to leave) and the advice seemed sound. I am not sure she is really really ready. We haven't been taking about the difference between wet and dry and she really doesn't seem to know when she is going. One of the books suggested making a routine and putting her on a toilet every 2 hours. I will try that.. I guess.

Great Expectations

I need to find a way to stop being mad about petty things. I get so disappointed when people don't live up to my expectations. When "A" does things that seem insensitive or thoughtless in my opinion it hurts my feelings and that is my problem. So what if he thinks of only himself when we have ants in the bed. Am I going to let that make me feel mad and wrinkle my eyebrows for days? Why? It's not like it will change the fact. So I think to myself that the problem is how I see the situation and how I deal with it. I have this expectation that "A" should think of my needs like I do his. He has a different expectations. We never really talked about how we saw a man and a woman's "role" when there were kids. All of the time that I worked and he didn't there was never any effort on his part to "take care" of me. To be honest I didn't really expect it myself. I never expected anyone to pack a lunch, cook a dinner, do my laundry, or clean the house for me. I thought we should do it all together. Now that the tables have turned and he is working and I am staying home with Ara I see that there is a double standard. Big time. There is just more expected of a woman. Everyone does it. Even me. So I see the expectations are there for me to be home with Ara and do ALL of the other household chores while juggling my teaching responsibilities and chaffering "A" to and from work. Is this a lot to ask? Sure. Can I do it? Damn right. But I can't go on feeling cheated. I constantly look at how unfair it is that the family responsibilities are split 80/20%. "A's" Mom actually told me once when I was mad that I should feel lucky that I have a man who is around. At the time it pissed me off more. I should just thank my lucky stars that a man stuck around and just be grateful I am not all alone. Ok so I suppose I should be thankful for that. The truth is that things could be so much worse. The truth is that I DO have it good. It seems all relative. We have been through hard times and still found a way to be happy with what we have. Then it seems, for me I have a hard time finding happiness when life is handing me flowers. Our relationship isn't perfect but I can't think of anyone who has a perfect relationship. So what do I want? What do I expect? When I know these things I think it will be easier to find acceptance within myself.

Ants and the jerk-face.

VENTING: Ants have invaded our house. They are coming up the shower drain, they are in the kitchen, they are in the living room, and they are in my bed. "A" discovered that sometime in the wee hours of the morning. So you know what he did? He took the blanket and slept on the couch, the only ant free zone and left me with no blanket in the ant bed. So I tried to go back to sleep after that but:
1. I was pissed off.
2. I was cold.
3. There were ants biting me.

I am sitting here still tired, still feeling like there are ants all over me (which is partially true), and still feeling pissed. I did get up sometime around 6 am and pull the covers off of happily sleeping jerkface. He was like, "the covers weren't even on you when I got up". I wonder why that is... COVER STEALER! Then he pulled the blanket back up to his chin and promptly started snoring. I am feeling really fed up.

Late night thoughts.

Ara's hair is long enough to put into a little ponytail! Her hair constantly surprises me. I would have never thought that I would have a little girl with ringlets. Curazzzzy. I told A that if other woman had know he had adorable, smart, curly headed kids in his genes he would have been hunted. Does that seem weird?

So all day today I felt nauseous but I don't feel "sick". I've been feeling not right for a week-ish now. I might actually consider a doctor visit if it doesn't improve, and I HATE doctors.

I am taking care of Alison and Charles's birds again, I think the birds have started regarding me as "the help". They won't even whistle with me now! Feathery snobs.

I want to start working out and eating healthier. I considered joining a gym and I made an appointment for a tour/workout but when I mentioned it to A it started a big 2 day fight. When would I go? How much is it? The only time I could go would be when A got off work and then he would have to put Ara down to bed alone. I guess it just won't work but I am sad. I know that I am doing what I want to be doing this summer. Staying home with Ara and teaching a minimal amount of students. But (you knew that was coming right?) I also feel the need to steal a little time to myself. For myself. I actually enjoy going to feed the birds because I get to be alone just for a bit. It is hard because A wants down time when he gets off of work and I totally get that. At the same time I want down time as well. Just 30 minutes to myself. Maybe I will just take a walk after Ara goes down, I don't like walking in the dark but if she goes to bed right at 8 I might have a little light left. I am also going to buy a workout DVD at Target or something. I have always thought those work-out balls looked cool and Ara might think it's fun to have exercise time during the day. It's something that is important to me. I want Ara to see me feeling good about myself and I want to model a health lifestyle.

If it wasn't for...

Not-So-Near-Death:

So today when it was time to pick up A from work I sent Ara in the living room to get the toys she wanted to take in the car and I decided to open the back door. Right there on the door step is the next door neighbors cat with her latest brood of kittens. Kuku (aka Chester) flies out the door through my legs and looks like he going to attack the closest kitten. Momma cat lunges at him, scary cat fight sounds ensue. I am yelling, although I don't realize it at the time. I grab a broom, separate them and push Kuku back into the house while blocking the mom cat from entering. I make sure that Kuku stays away from Ara since he is upset and unpredictable and I am thinking how glad I am that Ara wasn't right with me when I opened the door like she usually is. So we get on the road and right as we turn onto the main road it is immediately obvious that a big accident had just happened. From a distance I can see one car is on it's roof, and there are regular people trying to direct traffic away from all the cars and people in the middle of the road. I know it sounds selfish but my first thought was if those cats hadn't been there we would have been right here when this accident happened. We sat and waited for traffic while the distant sirens came closer and closer and I started to wonder about the random things that happen that maybe aren't so random.


On a lighter note:

Ara walks into the kitchen straight over to the cabinet that usually has a the "impossible-for-anyone-to-open" child lock on it. She reaches in, grabs the open bag of tortilla chips like thats what she came for and promptly dumps it on the floor. Then she bends down and daintily picks one chip off the pile and takes a tiny bite out of it as she walks past me back to the living room. I felt like I was in a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. To top it all off Kuku was waiting under the table and before I could get it cleaned up he snagged a chip too. All I can do is throw up my hands and eat a chip.